and nothing happens to me. The overwhelming feeling of shame is lifting, and I move into the Dark to see Little Tim move into the Light.
LITTLE TIM
As Little Tim I regain my body and start to really enjoy breathing and living. So many fun things to do—the other kids liked Shane, so it’s easy for me to fit in.
It has been a long time since I have been out ‘in reality’. But I am always aware of the others. I truly believe that having friends like Shane and Peter, who take care of different parts of my life, is normal for everyone. However, I never ask anybody to confirm this.
My life has changed now; reaching the magical age of ten years, no more visits to the rich peoples’ places, I stop wetting the bed and develop solid friendships with other kids.
Dad comes into my room one night and asks me to help one of the college students at the mattress shed. There is nothing unusual about the request, we are always asked to help other students with their tasks.
‘Who is it that I will be working with? ’ I ask.
‘John. He requested you specifically,’ Dad finishes.
‘I like John; he is friendly with all the kids.’
I arrive at the mattress shed at eight o’clock on Saturday morning. The mattress shed is a shed where additional mattresses required for camps and conventions are stored. Hundreds of mattresses are piled on top of each other. John is at the back of the shed away from the mattresses. He turns and faces me with his willy poking out of his trousers. I am completely shocked and think that it’s a mistake on his part—wishful thinking.
He is just like the others who hurt us. Betrayed again, the shock sends me flying back to the space of many colours. Peter surfaces to carry the pain once again. This man has total control of me.
Although it lasts a short time, I believe that I should’ve been able to stop this attack. Shane refuses to return as our shame has now developed into another emotion. Shane doesn’t have the capacity to carry another emotion. Another friend is needed.
We are guilt-ridden, so I create Gary the guilt holder. He now takes the position of Shane; Gary is now in the Light.
PETER
Gary is thrust into being ten years old. He is small for is age. He’s a cute kid whose facial features sport flushed cheeks and swollen eyes and he has a very sore bottom. His voice changes, he is definitely the same age as the rest of us but his voice has a higher pitch. I am the one who educates Gary along the gravel road that he finds himself travelling on.
‘ Where am I?’ Gary questions.
‘ You’re at a Bible College,’ I answer.
‘ Who am I?’
‘Your name is Gary the guilt holder; however, people will call you Tim.’
‘Why?’
‘Because Little Tim has created you to be in the Light because he doesn’t know how to handle guilt. ’
‘How long must I be in the Light? ’
‘Until Little Tim doesn’t need you anymore. ’
‘Who are you?’
‘I’m Peter the pain holder.’
‘Do I only handle guilt?’
‘Yes, you feel guilt, to be more accurate. You are free to have other feelings if you wish.’
GARY
I sit down on the dam wall and look at rows of army huts that I instinctively know to be family homes. I am in shock as I ponder what Peter has been telling me. I have no memory of being here but somehow I know what is in front of my eyes.
How come I don’t remember anything?’ I ask Peter.
‘Because Little Tim doesn’t want you to have a memory, just knowledge. Believe me; you will soon learn that you don’t want a memory. You will have the knowledge but no memory to reference it.’
‘I feel sad and funny inside.’
‘That’s guilt. It’s your job to carry the guilt until Little Tim can understand and carry the guilt himself. ’
‘Well, I’m off. I will see you from time to time, unfortunately.’ Peter says with regret.
Peter is gone. I sit on the dam wall and contemplate the knowledge I have been given.
I walk to the third
LITTLE TIM
As Little Tim I regain my body and start to really enjoy breathing and living. So many fun things to do—the other kids liked Shane, so it’s easy for me to fit in.
It has been a long time since I have been out ‘in reality’. But I am always aware of the others. I truly believe that having friends like Shane and Peter, who take care of different parts of my life, is normal for everyone. However, I never ask anybody to confirm this.
My life has changed now; reaching the magical age of ten years, no more visits to the rich peoples’ places, I stop wetting the bed and develop solid friendships with other kids.
Dad comes into my room one night and asks me to help one of the college students at the mattress shed. There is nothing unusual about the request, we are always asked to help other students with their tasks.
‘Who is it that I will be working with? ’ I ask.
‘John. He requested you specifically,’ Dad finishes.
‘I like John; he is friendly with all the kids.’
I arrive at the mattress shed at eight o’clock on Saturday morning. The mattress shed is a shed where additional mattresses required for camps and conventions are stored. Hundreds of mattresses are piled on top of each other. John is at the back of the shed away from the mattresses. He turns and faces me with his willy poking out of his trousers. I am completely shocked and think that it’s a mistake on his part—wishful thinking.
He is just like the others who hurt us. Betrayed again, the shock sends me flying back to the space of many colours. Peter surfaces to carry the pain once again. This man has total control of me.
Although it lasts a short time, I believe that I should’ve been able to stop this attack. Shane refuses to return as our shame has now developed into another emotion. Shane doesn’t have the capacity to carry another emotion. Another friend is needed.
We are guilt-ridden, so I create Gary the guilt holder. He now takes the position of Shane; Gary is now in the Light.
PETER
Gary is thrust into being ten years old. He is small for is age. He’s a cute kid whose facial features sport flushed cheeks and swollen eyes and he has a very sore bottom. His voice changes, he is definitely the same age as the rest of us but his voice has a higher pitch. I am the one who educates Gary along the gravel road that he finds himself travelling on.
‘ Where am I?’ Gary questions.
‘ You’re at a Bible College,’ I answer.
‘ Who am I?’
‘Your name is Gary the guilt holder; however, people will call you Tim.’
‘Why?’
‘Because Little Tim has created you to be in the Light because he doesn’t know how to handle guilt. ’
‘How long must I be in the Light? ’
‘Until Little Tim doesn’t need you anymore. ’
‘Who are you?’
‘I’m Peter the pain holder.’
‘Do I only handle guilt?’
‘Yes, you feel guilt, to be more accurate. You are free to have other feelings if you wish.’
GARY
I sit down on the dam wall and look at rows of army huts that I instinctively know to be family homes. I am in shock as I ponder what Peter has been telling me. I have no memory of being here but somehow I know what is in front of my eyes.
How come I don’t remember anything?’ I ask Peter.
‘Because Little Tim doesn’t want you to have a memory, just knowledge. Believe me; you will soon learn that you don’t want a memory. You will have the knowledge but no memory to reference it.’
‘I feel sad and funny inside.’
‘That’s guilt. It’s your job to carry the guilt until Little Tim can understand and carry the guilt himself. ’
‘Well, I’m off. I will see you from time to time, unfortunately.’ Peter says with regret.
Peter is gone. I sit on the dam wall and contemplate the knowledge I have been given.
I walk to the third
Similar Books
