slowly shedding any independence, leaving her old, free, happy life behind her, tangled on the ground, like a snake and its skin?
Night after night, it was all she could think about. It was as if she could see her life in split-screen—how it should be and how it was. In the “should be” section was a happy, smiling Bett, loving wife, mother of two adorable babies, content with all the riches in her life, organized, cooking nutritious meals, exercising daily, and yes, having regular, terrific sex. In the “how it is” section … she didn’t even have to imagine it. That’s how it was. Chaos, exhaustion, and about as much sex as she was having exercise. None.
A week earlier, a solution had come to her in a middle-of-the-night flash of insight. All she had to do to fix things was return to work part-time. Just for a couple of days a week. One day. A couple of hours a week even. Just enough to get a bit of her old life back, regain some control. She hadn’t discussed it with Daniel yet. But in her daydreams, he’d agreed immediately. He thought it was a wonderful idea. He wished he’d thought of it first. He’d go part-time too, so they could take turns caring for the babies. It was the perfect solution all round, he’d tell her.
It wasn’t just Daniel’s reaction she imagined, either. She pictured telling her sister Carrie too.
“It’s fantastic, Carrie,” she’d say. “I’ve got the work—life balance I’ve always really wanted. When I’m with the twins, I’m really with them one hundred percent, but my time at work gives me the independence and space I need too. It’s the best of both worlds.” It didn’t seem to matter that Bett didn’t speak in glib soundbites like that in real life. Then she would ask Carrie the big question. “And you’re happy being a stay-at-home mum? Great! Good for you! If that fulfils you, that’s great, really. It comes down to personal choice, doesn’t it?”
There was always a whole range of imaginary reactions from Carrie. The tearful one: “I’m so jealous of you, Bett. How have you managed to get everything sorted out so well?” Angry: “Not everyone has a husband as supportive as Daniel, Bett. You don’t have to rub it in.” In one daydream, Carrie even stormed out, leaving Bett to explain to imaginary onlookers. “Sorry, she’s finding motherhood! a bit tricky.”
Bett sighed deeply, hating herself for even thinking this way. When had she turned into this person? This tired, bitter, competitive creature? She’d hoped living close to Carrie again and having children at the same time would bring the two of them together. Instead, it had become a whole new battleground. A point-scoring battleground.
Why was she surprised? It had always been that way between them—even as children, Carrie had been the confident one, Bett more anxious, Carrie free with her opinions and advice, Bett uncertain. The tensions had built between them over the years, coming to a head seven years before, in a domino fall of events—Bett’s fiancé, Matthew, falling in love with Carrie at first sight, their engagement breaking up, sparking a feud between the three sisters that had lasted more than three years. Now, it seemed almost silly. She’d been fooling herself that she had ever been in love with Matthew. She knew what she now had with Daniel was the real thing. But at the time, it had seemed like the biggest betrayal in the world, with both her sisters taking sides against her. They hadn’t spoken for three years. Three whole years. If it hadn’t been for Lola forcing them back together, giving the three of them precious time together before Anna fell ill, it could have been much worse …
But had she and Carrie learned nothing from Anna’s death? Hadn’t they promised in the days, weeks, and months afterward to never let anything come between them again, to cherish each day, to keep reminding themselves how fragile life was, how important family was?
Those
Night after night, it was all she could think about. It was as if she could see her life in split-screen—how it should be and how it was. In the “should be” section was a happy, smiling Bett, loving wife, mother of two adorable babies, content with all the riches in her life, organized, cooking nutritious meals, exercising daily, and yes, having regular, terrific sex. In the “how it is” section … she didn’t even have to imagine it. That’s how it was. Chaos, exhaustion, and about as much sex as she was having exercise. None.
A week earlier, a solution had come to her in a middle-of-the-night flash of insight. All she had to do to fix things was return to work part-time. Just for a couple of days a week. One day. A couple of hours a week even. Just enough to get a bit of her old life back, regain some control. She hadn’t discussed it with Daniel yet. But in her daydreams, he’d agreed immediately. He thought it was a wonderful idea. He wished he’d thought of it first. He’d go part-time too, so they could take turns caring for the babies. It was the perfect solution all round, he’d tell her.
It wasn’t just Daniel’s reaction she imagined, either. She pictured telling her sister Carrie too.
“It’s fantastic, Carrie,” she’d say. “I’ve got the work—life balance I’ve always really wanted. When I’m with the twins, I’m really with them one hundred percent, but my time at work gives me the independence and space I need too. It’s the best of both worlds.” It didn’t seem to matter that Bett didn’t speak in glib soundbites like that in real life. Then she would ask Carrie the big question. “And you’re happy being a stay-at-home mum? Great! Good for you! If that fulfils you, that’s great, really. It comes down to personal choice, doesn’t it?”
There was always a whole range of imaginary reactions from Carrie. The tearful one: “I’m so jealous of you, Bett. How have you managed to get everything sorted out so well?” Angry: “Not everyone has a husband as supportive as Daniel, Bett. You don’t have to rub it in.” In one daydream, Carrie even stormed out, leaving Bett to explain to imaginary onlookers. “Sorry, she’s finding motherhood! a bit tricky.”
Bett sighed deeply, hating herself for even thinking this way. When had she turned into this person? This tired, bitter, competitive creature? She’d hoped living close to Carrie again and having children at the same time would bring the two of them together. Instead, it had become a whole new battleground. A point-scoring battleground.
Why was she surprised? It had always been that way between them—even as children, Carrie had been the confident one, Bett more anxious, Carrie free with her opinions and advice, Bett uncertain. The tensions had built between them over the years, coming to a head seven years before, in a domino fall of events—Bett’s fiancé, Matthew, falling in love with Carrie at first sight, their engagement breaking up, sparking a feud between the three sisters that had lasted more than three years. Now, it seemed almost silly. She’d been fooling herself that she had ever been in love with Matthew. She knew what she now had with Daniel was the real thing. But at the time, it had seemed like the biggest betrayal in the world, with both her sisters taking sides against her. They hadn’t spoken for three years. Three whole years. If it hadn’t been for Lola forcing them back together, giving the three of them precious time together before Anna fell ill, it could have been much worse …
But had she and Carrie learned nothing from Anna’s death? Hadn’t they promised in the days, weeks, and months afterward to never let anything come between them again, to cherish each day, to keep reminding themselves how fragile life was, how important family was?
Those
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