Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05 by Away Laughing on a Fast Camel

to Jas, “Rosie’s mutti and vati are always away, how sensible and reasonable they are. All my mutti and vati do is hang around the house asking me what Iam doing and also why am I doing it and when am I going to stop doing it.”
    Jas, representative for the terminally annoying, said, “My olds have given me my own key…it’s a sort of token of my passage into adulthood.”
    I said, “Are you sure it is the key to your house? Perhaps it is the key to someone else’s house and is therefore not a token of adulthood but just their way of saying good-bye.”
    Hunky laughed and Jas gave him a “look,” but as I was giggling at my own deep amusingosity she shoved me really hard and I nearly fell off my heels. My shoes in keeping with my new sophisticosity are quite high. In fact they are so high I may even be able to look Sven in the eye, which will be scary.
    I am a bit nervous about seeing Dave the Laugh.
    8:15 p.m.
    Tom rang the bell and the door was ripped open by Sven. Yeah!! Sven back again. Crikey, I had forgotten how alarming he can be. Even by his (high) standards he had gone a lot too far this time. Hehad a Viking helmet on over an Afro wig and he was drinking out of a horn. He picked me and Jas up and said, “Hey swingers!! Coming on in why dontcha, chicks and laddies.”
    What planet does he live on? And how do you not go there?
    Nice to see him, though. I have never seen furry shorts before.
    Then Rosie popped up—she was entirely covered in fur, eyebrows and sidies, furry hands and knees, and even fur poking out of her shoes.
    I said to her, “There is the suggestion of the wildebeest about Sven in those shorts.”
    And she said, “I know, exciting isn’t it? Help yourself to snacks and drinks.”
    The pink chipolatas in tomato sauce really did look like severed fingers. Yum yum.
    9:00 p.m.
    Quite a crowd at the party. All the usual suspects. Sam and his mates from sixth form college, the Foxwood crowd, Damion Knightly (known as the Dame) and his mates from St. John’s plus loads of girls we knew from gigs and Moorgrange School. Some of the boys were quite fit, but none had that je ne sais quoi , that Sex Goddy charm that brought out the red-bottomosity in me.
    And no sign of Dave the Laugh.
    Good.
    At least I could relax.
    Jas said, “Dave the Laugh’s not here.”
    I said, “So?”
    And she just looked at me.
    She is turning quite literally into a staring person.
    9:15 p.m.
    I thought just for a laugh I would try out some of the tactics from Mutti’s book.
    The Dame came over and said, “Hi, Gee, come and dance about like a prat.”
    And he pulled me onto the dance floor (the bit in between the sofa and the dining table). The Dame was blundering around to some really loud rock music that Sven had put on. Sven was actually on the table thrusting his furry shorts around like a sort of Viking lap dancer.
    Rosie was doing the twist very very fast till she was a blur of fur.
    Anyway, I thought for practice I would try “sticky eyes” on the Dame. So I looked him in the eyes. He looked a bit startled at first, like he was thinking, “Oy what are you looking at, mate?” But I did that dragging my eyes away from his thing and then looking back. And it worked!!! He was sort of mesmerized. In fact it was a bit like I had hypnotized him. I kept looking him in the eye and then I moved to the fireplace still looking at him. And he followed me there like a boy zombie. I went behind the TV and he followed me there. I went and stood by the window and he followed me there. It was amazing.
    Then Dave the Laugh walked in. Gadzooks and also crikey.
    He was dressed all in black like me and he looked cool. His hair was slicked back and he had false fangs. Which I am alarmed to say I found a bit attractive. You could do excellent lip nibbling with them.
    I had stopped looking at the Dame but he still followed me as I