Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05 by Away Laughing on a Fast Camel Page A

went to the snacks and drinks table. I was sort of casually pretending that I hadn’t even noticed Dave the Laugh. Which was a bit difficult to keep up, because he shouted, “OKall you chicks who find me irresistible, follow me. No pushing.”
    Oh vair vair amusant . He’s so bloody confident. He went off into the kitchen and a few girls (including Ellen, who as we know has no pride to speak of) went after him. I was just looking at the kitchen door when Dave suddenly appeared back through it again. I was so shocked that I turned round really quickly and practically snogged the Dame, who was lurking behind me.
    He said, looking all dreamy and hypnotized, “Do you fancy going outside?”
    I said, “Er, it’s minus a million degrees out there.”
    And he said, “I’ll keep you warm.”
    Is there a crap book that useless boys read called Tips for Being Useless ? If there is, the Dame has read it. I didn’t even bother replying. Then Ellen came dithering over to me. She was all red and spazzy.
    â€œHe’s—you know, well, he’s…I…should I…well, you know?”
    I said, “Ellen, look, don’t have a nervy b. It’s not attractive. Listen, why don’t you try that dancing-on-your-own tactic?”
    She thought that was a good idea and started dancing around looking all dreamy and moody, and slightly swishing her hair about. Within seconds one of Sam’s mates started dancing with her.
    Surely this how-to-make-anyone-fall-in-love-with-you thing can’t be this easy?
    Dave the Laugh was looking at me, but I wasn’t going for it, fangs or no fangs. I could go up to him and say, “Hi, Dave. ’Bye, Dave. You are so yesterday, but fangs for the memory.”
    Shut up, brain!!!!!
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    He was looking at me but he didn’t come over, so I thought I would go look at the CD collection in a sort of cool way because the tension was making me want to go to the piddly diddly department.
    I had to walk past him to get to the CDs so I flicked my hair a bit and did the hip-waggling thing. (Which is not as easy to coordinate as you might think.)
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    Yess!!! Result is he followed me. I was looking at the CDs even though I realized at the last minute that they were all upside down and I couldn’t see the titles. He said, “Georgia.”
    I didn’t even turn round.
    â€œGeorgia, I know your hips are bad but do you fancy a quick snog? I’ve got healing hands.”
    He is appalling!!!
    It sort of made me laugh, though. He is soooo full of himself.
    I turned round to him and looked at him like it said in the book (the bit I hadn’t told the ace gang yet). It said, “Number eight. Let your eyes slide down the nose to the lips, caress the lips with your eyes for a moment and then slowly venture south to the neck.”
    Dave took his fangs out and said, “So Sex Kitty…”
    It was really weird because I felt like I was melting into Dave. And we would have snogged right there in front of everyone. I knew Ellen was there and I knew everyone would see and it would be dreadful but all the blood in my brain had gone off on a little holiday into my lips.
    Just then a girl’s voice came into my head from behind Dave. It said, “Hi Dave, sorry I’m late, I couldn’t park my scooter.”
    Through the haze of frustrated snoggosity I looked at the voice. It belonged to Rachel, a girlI know vaguely from hockey and gigs.
    Rachel said, “Oh hi, Georgia, how’s Stalag Fourteen?”
    I just went a bit goldfishy, opening my mouth but not saying anything. Dave looked like a rabbit caught in car headlights. Dave the rabbit eventually managed to speak. “Oh. Hi, Rachel,” and he gave her a kiss on her cheeks. She kissed him on the lips and put her arms around his neck. Then she pulled him away and said, “Come on, big boy, let’s groove.”
    I just stood there.
    Dave looked back at