Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 07 by Startled by His Furry Shorts Page B

with his bottom sticking out and his collar up. He was shouting at us, “You are my bitches!!!”
    Rollo said, “Leave it out, mate, I’m not that kind of bloke.”
    Dave said, “No, just the bitches are my bitches!!!”
    Ellen, who had turned into a walking beetroot because of Dave, said to me, “Er, do you…er, like is it OK to call us bitches…isn’t it like, erm…disrespectful to women?”
    I said, “Yes, but he’s talking to us.”
    She said, “Oh yeah, right, I see.”
    But she clearly doesn’t.
    She soooo luuurves Dave that she would probably wear a false beard if he told her to.
    Which incidentally, he might.
    Also it is going to be midnight before she gets home because she lives in the opposite direction.
    Dave was still going on doing the moon walking. He said, “OK, ma bitches, WHO’S THE DADDY?”
    I said, “We don’t say daddy, we think it’s naff. We say Vati.”
    Dave said, “OK, cool, WHO’S THE VATI?”
    We just looked at him going backward. So he shouted again, “WHO’S THE VATI?”
    And Jas, Rosie, Ellen, Jools, Mabs, and me had to say, “You’re the vati.”
    At which point Dave, otherwise known as the vati, walked backward into the low wall of the park and fell over it.
    Vair amusant .
    5:45 p.m.
    Just me and Dave now. Ambling along. The othershave all gone home. Even Ellen realized that she couldn’t go on being hypnotised by Dave like a…er…hypnotized beetroot, and then a bus came along going her way. I think she was half hoping that I would say why didn’t she come home with me and my vati would give her a lift home later. But I just couldn’t, not with the Masimo fandango. As she was going, Ellen said to Dave, “See you next week, then.”
    And Dave said, “Missing you already.”
    And Ellen reached new heights of beetrootosity. Oh God, I wonder how long it will be before she is on the blower saying, “You know when he said he was like…er…missing me…well, does that mean…he’s like missing me or…”
    After she had gone I looked at Dave with raised eyebrows. He raised his eyebrows back. I raised mine even higher and did the nodding knowledgeably thing. He nodded back.
    He knows what I mean, though. He knows that Ellen luuurves him. Even if he didn’t, he pretty much seems to think that everyone luuurves him. In fact, he’s not wrong. All the girls in the play act in a ludicrous way with him, even when he is vair vair rude. I was glad that we were matey matesand that I didn’t feel awkward with him anymore. Well, not much. I am still avoiding the topic of the Italian Stallion in front of him. When Jazzy Spazzy got to her house, she had unexpectedly given me a little hug and said, “I hope it all goes alright. Ring me later.”
    Which was quite touching. But it did imply that there was something to go alright about. To cover up any questions Dave might ask me about what was the thing going alright and so on, I said, “Did you see how she hugged me for just that little bit too long? She is definitely on the turn. I must be on lezzie alert. She was looking at my tights when I was gallivanting around as Macduff.”
    Dave said, “Who wasn’t ?”
    I said, “Actually, you weren’t. You were being hypnotized by Melanie Andrews’s basoomas.”
    â€œYou have a very suspicious mind, kittykat, as you know I am very safety conscious and I was making sure that Melanie did not topple over and injure herself during the juggling scene.”
    â€œSafety conscious?”
    â€œYep.”
    â€œYou’re mad.”
    â€œNo, you’re mad.”
    â€œEr, I think you’ll find YOU’RE mad.”
    Then he got hold of me and started tickling me. Oh no, tickly bears!!! The next stage after tickly bears was No. 4 on the snogging scale. My lips even started