one I’m not sure I’ll be able to be a part of.
I walk into my room to find Adam still patiently waiting for me.
“Hey,” I say, startling him from his own thoughts.
“Hey back. I brought you some stuff.” He holds up a bag and laughs. “They took some things out though. Apparently dental floss is frowned upon here.”
“I knew I’d like this place,” I laugh. “They understand the uselessness of flossing.”
“See these pearly whites?” Adam smiles a toothy grin.
“Whiteners did that,” I accuse, and he laughs.
I rummage through the bag and put my clothes away in the drawers supplied to me. I pick up the same frame I gave Adam with a picture of him and Josie. With my hands shaking, I put it up on my nightstand and stare at it while Adam watches me. I turn around and force a smile on my face.
“She doesn’t look like an alien.”
Adam chuckles as he pulls me onto his lap. “She’s as beautiful as her mama.”
“Hopefully she’s a little less screwy than her mama.”
“You’ll be okay, Dee.” He wraps me in his arms and I lean onto his body, feeling safe. “I spoke to the band, and we’re not gonna start up the tour again for three weeks. That’ll give me some time to find a nanny for Josie.”
“You’re gonna take her on tour with you though, right?”
“Yeah, sweetie. Only time she won’t be with me is when I’m on stage.”
“The girls will fall at your feet when they see you carrying a baby with you.”
“Too bad for them my heart already belongs to another girl.” He squeezes me tighter against him and I’m grateful Josie has Adam as her dad. He’ll do right by her. He already loves her more than I can. “So tell me about this place.”
“Not much to tell.” I shrug my shoulders. “We have breakfast at seven AM, group therapy at nine, free time ‘till noon when we eat, group activity at two, free time again until five when I meet with Dr. Rios privately, and lights out at eight.”
“Lights out at eight?”
“Nine if we’re good.”
“I got permission to bring Josie by tomorrow if you want me to?”
I know I should want to see my daughter, so I nod my head which seems to be the answer Adam was hoping for. Go me!
Adam leaves shortly after that, so I head to the sitting room to wait for lunch. I spot Hayley sitting by herself by the piano and decide to sit next to her since everyone else is sitting in groups.
“You know how to play?” I ask her and she smiles.
“Sometimes. Depends on who I am at the time.”
“And does the person I’m talking to right now know how to play?” I ask cautiously, and she sends her head back in laughter.
“Your face,” she laughs. “Oh, good God! You shoulda seen your face.”
I watch her with uncertainty creeping up my spine. She’s crazier than I am.
“Are you always this gullible?” she asks once she composes herself.
“You were joking?”
“Yeah, I was fuckin’ with ya. I only have one personality, so chill.”
I relax beside her once again and smile at her stupid prank. “Do you know how to play or not?”
“You got a name?”
“Dee,” I offer.
She openly smirks at me and I roll my eyes, already knowing what’s coming. “Seriously? Like dees nuts?” she asks, pointing to the nonexistent nuts inside her pants. “Only it works better as Dee’s nuts, because, well you’re here and you must be nuts.”
I laugh at her rationalization, but hell, it makes sense.
“Yeah, I know how to play, Dee. What do you want to hear?”
“Anything.”
Hayley begins to play, and I watch her fingers dance over the piano effortlessly. We sit in communal silence as she plays everything from Mozart to Christmas carols. I watch the room around me as people stare at the TV and play board games. This is my new home for an indefinite amount of time. I might as well get used to it so my anxiety levels stabilize.
As promised, Adam visits me with Josie the following day, just after group therapy. I’m reluctant
I walk into my room to find Adam still patiently waiting for me.
“Hey,” I say, startling him from his own thoughts.
“Hey back. I brought you some stuff.” He holds up a bag and laughs. “They took some things out though. Apparently dental floss is frowned upon here.”
“I knew I’d like this place,” I laugh. “They understand the uselessness of flossing.”
“See these pearly whites?” Adam smiles a toothy grin.
“Whiteners did that,” I accuse, and he laughs.
I rummage through the bag and put my clothes away in the drawers supplied to me. I pick up the same frame I gave Adam with a picture of him and Josie. With my hands shaking, I put it up on my nightstand and stare at it while Adam watches me. I turn around and force a smile on my face.
“She doesn’t look like an alien.”
Adam chuckles as he pulls me onto his lap. “She’s as beautiful as her mama.”
“Hopefully she’s a little less screwy than her mama.”
“You’ll be okay, Dee.” He wraps me in his arms and I lean onto his body, feeling safe. “I spoke to the band, and we’re not gonna start up the tour again for three weeks. That’ll give me some time to find a nanny for Josie.”
“You’re gonna take her on tour with you though, right?”
“Yeah, sweetie. Only time she won’t be with me is when I’m on stage.”
“The girls will fall at your feet when they see you carrying a baby with you.”
“Too bad for them my heart already belongs to another girl.” He squeezes me tighter against him and I’m grateful Josie has Adam as her dad. He’ll do right by her. He already loves her more than I can. “So tell me about this place.”
“Not much to tell.” I shrug my shoulders. “We have breakfast at seven AM, group therapy at nine, free time ‘till noon when we eat, group activity at two, free time again until five when I meet with Dr. Rios privately, and lights out at eight.”
“Lights out at eight?”
“Nine if we’re good.”
“I got permission to bring Josie by tomorrow if you want me to?”
I know I should want to see my daughter, so I nod my head which seems to be the answer Adam was hoping for. Go me!
Adam leaves shortly after that, so I head to the sitting room to wait for lunch. I spot Hayley sitting by herself by the piano and decide to sit next to her since everyone else is sitting in groups.
“You know how to play?” I ask her and she smiles.
“Sometimes. Depends on who I am at the time.”
“And does the person I’m talking to right now know how to play?” I ask cautiously, and she sends her head back in laughter.
“Your face,” she laughs. “Oh, good God! You shoulda seen your face.”
I watch her with uncertainty creeping up my spine. She’s crazier than I am.
“Are you always this gullible?” she asks once she composes herself.
“You were joking?”
“Yeah, I was fuckin’ with ya. I only have one personality, so chill.”
I relax beside her once again and smile at her stupid prank. “Do you know how to play or not?”
“You got a name?”
“Dee,” I offer.
She openly smirks at me and I roll my eyes, already knowing what’s coming. “Seriously? Like dees nuts?” she asks, pointing to the nonexistent nuts inside her pants. “Only it works better as Dee’s nuts, because, well you’re here and you must be nuts.”
I laugh at her rationalization, but hell, it makes sense.
“Yeah, I know how to play, Dee. What do you want to hear?”
“Anything.”
Hayley begins to play, and I watch her fingers dance over the piano effortlessly. We sit in communal silence as she plays everything from Mozart to Christmas carols. I watch the room around me as people stare at the TV and play board games. This is my new home for an indefinite amount of time. I might as well get used to it so my anxiety levels stabilize.
As promised, Adam visits me with Josie the following day, just after group therapy. I’m reluctant
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