“Oh, my God! It’s that damn catalogue fantasyland, isn’t it?”
Ben didn’t answer him for a moment, undecided as to whether he should. He had intended to keep Landover a secret. He had intended to say nothing of it to anyone.
“Miles, sit back down, will you?” he said finally.
“Sit down? How in God’s name do you expect me to sit down after …?
“Just sit the hell down, Miles!” Ben cut his friend short.
Miles went still, held his position a moment longer, then sank slowly back into his chair. The stunned look stayed on his florid face.
Now it was Ben who leaned forward. His face was hard. “We’ve been together a long time, Miles—as friends and partners both. We know a lot about each other. Most of it we’ve learned from experiences shared. But we don’t know everything about each other because that’s not possible. No two human beings can know everything about each other, even under the best of circumstances. That’s why certain things we do always remain a mystery to everyone else.”
He cocked his head. “Remember the times you’ve warned me about backing away from a case because there was something not quite right about it? Remember, Miles? Drop that case, you’d tell me. It’s bad news. It’s a loser. Drop it. Sometimes I’d do it. I’d agree with you and I’d drop it. But sometimes I wouldn’t. Sometimes I’d take the case anyway, and I’d tell you I was taking it because it felt right to me. You’dgo along with that decision—even though you didn’t agree with it and you really didn’t understand it. But you trusted me to take the chance, didn’t you?”
He paused. “Well, that’s what I’m asking you to do now. You can’t understand and you won’t agree. So just put all that aside and trust me.”
Miles’ eyes shifted to the desk top and up again. “Doc, you’re talking a million dollars here!”
Ben shook his head slowly. “No, I’m not. I’m talking about saving myself, Miles. I’m talking about something that doesn’t have a price tag.”
“But this is … crazy!” Miles’ hands gripped the edge of the desk top until the knuckles were white. “This is irresponsible! It’s just plain stupid, damn it!”
“I don’t see it that way.”
“You don’t? Shucking off your professional responsibilities, your life’s work? Going off to live in a castle and fight dragons—assuming there are any and you’re not simply getting fleeced? No TV, no Bears games, no Wrigley Field, no cold beer, no goddamn electricity or showers with hot water or indoor toilets or anything? Leaving behind your home and your friends and … Jesus Christ, Doc!”
“Just think of it as an extended camping trip—the kind where you get away from it all.”
“Great! A million-dollar camping trip!”
“My mind is made up on this, Miles.”
“Off to some godforsaken …”
“My mind is made up!”
The hard edge to his voice left them both shaken. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, feeling the distance between them widening as if a chasm had opened. Then Ben rose and came quickly around the desk. Miles rose as well. Ben put a hand on his shoulder and gripped it.
“If I don’t do something, Miles, I’m going to lose myself,” he whispered. “It may take a few months or even a year, but in the end I’m going to slip into the cracks and be gone. I can’t let that happen.”
His friend looked at him wordlessly, sighed and nodded. “It’s your life, Doc. I can’t tell you how to live it. I never could.” He squared himself. “Will you at least take a few days to think about this some more? That’s not asking too much, is it?”
Ben smiled wearily. “I’ve already thought it through a hundred different ways. That’s enough. I’m all done thinking.”
Miles shook his head. “Guess a blind man could tell that, couldn’t he?”
“I’m going to tell the others now. I’d appreciate it if you’d keep what you know to
Ben didn’t answer him for a moment, undecided as to whether he should. He had intended to keep Landover a secret. He had intended to say nothing of it to anyone.
“Miles, sit back down, will you?” he said finally.
“Sit down? How in God’s name do you expect me to sit down after …?
“Just sit the hell down, Miles!” Ben cut his friend short.
Miles went still, held his position a moment longer, then sank slowly back into his chair. The stunned look stayed on his florid face.
Now it was Ben who leaned forward. His face was hard. “We’ve been together a long time, Miles—as friends and partners both. We know a lot about each other. Most of it we’ve learned from experiences shared. But we don’t know everything about each other because that’s not possible. No two human beings can know everything about each other, even under the best of circumstances. That’s why certain things we do always remain a mystery to everyone else.”
He cocked his head. “Remember the times you’ve warned me about backing away from a case because there was something not quite right about it? Remember, Miles? Drop that case, you’d tell me. It’s bad news. It’s a loser. Drop it. Sometimes I’d do it. I’d agree with you and I’d drop it. But sometimes I wouldn’t. Sometimes I’d take the case anyway, and I’d tell you I was taking it because it felt right to me. You’dgo along with that decision—even though you didn’t agree with it and you really didn’t understand it. But you trusted me to take the chance, didn’t you?”
He paused. “Well, that’s what I’m asking you to do now. You can’t understand and you won’t agree. So just put all that aside and trust me.”
Miles’ eyes shifted to the desk top and up again. “Doc, you’re talking a million dollars here!”
Ben shook his head slowly. “No, I’m not. I’m talking about saving myself, Miles. I’m talking about something that doesn’t have a price tag.”
“But this is … crazy!” Miles’ hands gripped the edge of the desk top until the knuckles were white. “This is irresponsible! It’s just plain stupid, damn it!”
“I don’t see it that way.”
“You don’t? Shucking off your professional responsibilities, your life’s work? Going off to live in a castle and fight dragons—assuming there are any and you’re not simply getting fleeced? No TV, no Bears games, no Wrigley Field, no cold beer, no goddamn electricity or showers with hot water or indoor toilets or anything? Leaving behind your home and your friends and … Jesus Christ, Doc!”
“Just think of it as an extended camping trip—the kind where you get away from it all.”
“Great! A million-dollar camping trip!”
“My mind is made up on this, Miles.”
“Off to some godforsaken …”
“My mind is made up!”
The hard edge to his voice left them both shaken. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, feeling the distance between them widening as if a chasm had opened. Then Ben rose and came quickly around the desk. Miles rose as well. Ben put a hand on his shoulder and gripped it.
“If I don’t do something, Miles, I’m going to lose myself,” he whispered. “It may take a few months or even a year, but in the end I’m going to slip into the cracks and be gone. I can’t let that happen.”
His friend looked at him wordlessly, sighed and nodded. “It’s your life, Doc. I can’t tell you how to live it. I never could.” He squared himself. “Will you at least take a few days to think about this some more? That’s not asking too much, is it?”
Ben smiled wearily. “I’ve already thought it through a hundred different ways. That’s enough. I’m all done thinking.”
Miles shook his head. “Guess a blind man could tell that, couldn’t he?”
“I’m going to tell the others now. I’d appreciate it if you’d keep what you know to
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