as if a slug had suddenly spoken.
Tom’s heart thudded, but he had to speak up for Dad. “He didn’t refuse to marry her—he never asked her in the first place. It’s not his fault that he couldn’t fall in love with her.”
Iris shuddered. “You mortals really do have the mostdisgusting way of talking about marriage—this silly mania you have for falling in love first! You probably can’t help it, but Jonas should have known better.”
“If you thought it was so bad, why did you agree to be my godmother? Why did you send me a christening present?”
The lizard-faced headmistress pursed up her mouth and her cheeks turned a little pink. “I’m a great believer in keeping up traditional fairy customs. And—and I liked your father at one time.”
“Don’t you still like him just a bit—just enough to help us?”
She was silent for a moment, and then she let out a long sigh. “All right, I know my duty. I suppose I’ll help. And I suppose you’d like a cup of tea.”
7
The Third Godmother
I ris had cups and saucers and a kettle in one corner of her study. She made them all tea and handed round a plate of chocolate biscuits. Tom relaxed a little. This woman obviously didn’t like him much, but she was a very talented fairy, sure to know how to help his dad.
Iris and Lorna began talking about their businesses.
“OK,” Lorna said, “I admit I use a bit of magic—but only to clear the drains and stuff like that. I don’t use it to commit crimes.”
“But it’s so easy to bamboozle mortals!” Iris didn’t seem to mind being called a criminal—and she didn’t seem at all guilty about the schoolgirls she had turned into thieves. “In my opinion a fairy’s mad if she doesn’ttake advantage.” She took a small silver flask from the drawer of her desk. “How about a drop of Kaulquappe?”
“You’ve got Kaulquappe!”
“I take it for my sinuses,” Iris said. “It’s not for the demisprite, of course.”
“His name’s Tom.”
“Tom,” Iris repeated, shooting Tom a suspicious look. “Well? Do you want some Kaulquappe or not?”
“Go on, then—not too much—haven’t tasted it in donkey’s years.” Lorna chuckled suddenly. “It’s fairy gin, Tom—ten times as strong as the mortal sort, made by German kobolds. ‘Kaulquappe’ is German for ‘tadpole.’ Where on earth did you get it, Iris? Don’t tell me you found a fairy liquor store!”
“No such luck,” Iris said stiffly, with the pale ghost of a smile. “I still visit the Realm quite often, and I pick up the Kaulquappe in the duty-free.” She poured a slug of fairy gin into Lorna’s cup, and a larger slug into her own. “Now, let’s get down to business. Tell me about Jonas.”
Her mouth full of chocolate biscuit, Lorna filled her in on the background. Iris took notes in a little book, like a doctor, and every now and then she said, “I see.”
“And when we last heard from him, he was hiding with a colony of bats.”
“I see.” Iris put down her pen and folded her hands.
“We left in a hurry—we had a visit from Pindar Falconer.”
Iris raised the place where her eyebrows should have been. “Pindar! Are you sure?”
“Oh yes.” Lorna took a swig of tea. “I’d know him anywhere.”
“It was two visits,” Tom said. “I think he’s following us.”
“But Tiberius swore he’d never let Pindar anywhere near an important job ever again! Not after the fiasco with those flying coaches.” Iris was thoughtful. “The last I heard, he was working in a circus, cleaning up after the elephants. His mother said that was all he was fit for.”
Even though he was the enemy, Tom was starting to feel a little sorry for his cousin Pindar. Aunt Dolores—the Bad Fairy—sounded horrible. He saw why Dad had cut off all contact with her. The clumsy teenager he’d seen in the crystal ball had looked perfectly harmless, and it must be awful to have a mother who kept telling you that you were
Tom’s heart thudded, but he had to speak up for Dad. “He didn’t refuse to marry her—he never asked her in the first place. It’s not his fault that he couldn’t fall in love with her.”
Iris shuddered. “You mortals really do have the mostdisgusting way of talking about marriage—this silly mania you have for falling in love first! You probably can’t help it, but Jonas should have known better.”
“If you thought it was so bad, why did you agree to be my godmother? Why did you send me a christening present?”
The lizard-faced headmistress pursed up her mouth and her cheeks turned a little pink. “I’m a great believer in keeping up traditional fairy customs. And—and I liked your father at one time.”
“Don’t you still like him just a bit—just enough to help us?”
She was silent for a moment, and then she let out a long sigh. “All right, I know my duty. I suppose I’ll help. And I suppose you’d like a cup of tea.”
7
The Third Godmother
I ris had cups and saucers and a kettle in one corner of her study. She made them all tea and handed round a plate of chocolate biscuits. Tom relaxed a little. This woman obviously didn’t like him much, but she was a very talented fairy, sure to know how to help his dad.
Iris and Lorna began talking about their businesses.
“OK,” Lorna said, “I admit I use a bit of magic—but only to clear the drains and stuff like that. I don’t use it to commit crimes.”
“But it’s so easy to bamboozle mortals!” Iris didn’t seem to mind being called a criminal—and she didn’t seem at all guilty about the schoolgirls she had turned into thieves. “In my opinion a fairy’s mad if she doesn’ttake advantage.” She took a small silver flask from the drawer of her desk. “How about a drop of Kaulquappe?”
“You’ve got Kaulquappe!”
“I take it for my sinuses,” Iris said. “It’s not for the demisprite, of course.”
“His name’s Tom.”
“Tom,” Iris repeated, shooting Tom a suspicious look. “Well? Do you want some Kaulquappe or not?”
“Go on, then—not too much—haven’t tasted it in donkey’s years.” Lorna chuckled suddenly. “It’s fairy gin, Tom—ten times as strong as the mortal sort, made by German kobolds. ‘Kaulquappe’ is German for ‘tadpole.’ Where on earth did you get it, Iris? Don’t tell me you found a fairy liquor store!”
“No such luck,” Iris said stiffly, with the pale ghost of a smile. “I still visit the Realm quite often, and I pick up the Kaulquappe in the duty-free.” She poured a slug of fairy gin into Lorna’s cup, and a larger slug into her own. “Now, let’s get down to business. Tell me about Jonas.”
Her mouth full of chocolate biscuit, Lorna filled her in on the background. Iris took notes in a little book, like a doctor, and every now and then she said, “I see.”
“And when we last heard from him, he was hiding with a colony of bats.”
“I see.” Iris put down her pen and folded her hands.
“We left in a hurry—we had a visit from Pindar Falconer.”
Iris raised the place where her eyebrows should have been. “Pindar! Are you sure?”
“Oh yes.” Lorna took a swig of tea. “I’d know him anywhere.”
“It was two visits,” Tom said. “I think he’s following us.”
“But Tiberius swore he’d never let Pindar anywhere near an important job ever again! Not after the fiasco with those flying coaches.” Iris was thoughtful. “The last I heard, he was working in a circus, cleaning up after the elephants. His mother said that was all he was fit for.”
Even though he was the enemy, Tom was starting to feel a little sorry for his cousin Pindar. Aunt Dolores—the Bad Fairy—sounded horrible. He saw why Dad had cut off all contact with her. The clumsy teenager he’d seen in the crystal ball had looked perfectly harmless, and it must be awful to have a mother who kept telling you that you were
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