more so is cold, hard cash?
Vietnam
As it has been said many times, the big fear was that we would “pull out.” This was an example where the male ego could not take the fact that we simply could not give this country a war climax. So we just kept pumping away while North Vietnam pretended not to yawn and look at the clock.
Meanwhile, the Communists were fooling around with North Vietnam behind closed doors, and everyone knew it. We just could not let them get away with getting our woman country off.
By the way, this is exactly why those Vietnam veterans got so little respect back then. They somehow were blamed for not bringing North Vietnam to orgasm. (As it turns out, we are now hearing that that country had never even had one in the first place.)
It was during this time they invented THE PILL, which meant that women could fool around if they wanted to. And they suddenly realized that maybe they did want to. Before that, it was sort of about doing whatever your tweed-jacketed man wanted. Now, suddenly, a woman could go out there and say, “Do I want to have sex? You know, I think that yeah, I actually do,” and a line of confused and aroused men would form.
DURING SEX, OR WHEN FANTASY
(OCCASIONALLY) BECOMES REALITY
Okay, here we are. Doin' it, going all the way, hitting a homer, and other nicknames we haven't used since we were eleven. There are definitely some major differences between men and women here as well. *
And we'll start with one that no amount of trashy airport reading can help you with. This is the single most common Google search that brings people to my website—and by a wide margin:
How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed!!!
Look, no one's going to stop you from doing that weird ice-cube-in-the-mouth trick they always want to teach you in magazines. Knock yourself out. But you really don't need to be sweating this issue. Just follow these simple steps, and I guarantee you will drive him wild in bed:
Be Alive: Now, don't skip this one just because it's easy. In fact, if you only follow one rule, this one should be it.
Go to Bed with Him: Also crucial.
Make Sure You're Having Fun: This helps in two ways. First, you'll be having fun, which is, you know, fun. And second, when you have a good time in bed, it helps us feel like a badass, fulfilling the Jack Bauer Principle. Plus, again, you'll be having fun. Nobody wants to be in bed with someone who is acting like they're on a trip to the dentist. Not unless your dentist is a lot more fun than mine.
That's it. That's the whole list. The danger of those magazine checklists is that they're checklists. As in, they're impersonal. Some weird checklist of advanced humping techniques might just make him wonder what other guys have been receiving this royal treatment. Most men like to think they're the only man in the world that you'd do this with. (I know, I know. I already said how we're picturing ourselves with a zillion other women. But that's us. We don't want you thinking like that.)
This brings us to another one of the most common questions that I get from women:
What if he fantasizes about other women when we're doin' it?
Well, here's another area in which this is probably a lot worse than you think. But it's also better, I promise.
Okay, here goes. This is not a “what if.” All men do this. All of us. And just please don't ask whom we're fantasizing about, okay? You already know the answer: everybody. I know. It's awful. But before you start sharpening various knives, forks, and tongs with which to stab, poke, and… tong… your dude, I think it's time for a definition:
Male Fidelity: Defined
A woman recently wrote to me with a question about whether it was normal for a man to fantasize about other women—celebrities, ex-girlfriends, etc.—during sex, and if so, how is that not infidelity?
Here's how. For a man, fidelity and fantasy are very, very different. For us, sexual fantasies
Vietnam
As it has been said many times, the big fear was that we would “pull out.” This was an example where the male ego could not take the fact that we simply could not give this country a war climax. So we just kept pumping away while North Vietnam pretended not to yawn and look at the clock.
Meanwhile, the Communists were fooling around with North Vietnam behind closed doors, and everyone knew it. We just could not let them get away with getting our woman country off.
By the way, this is exactly why those Vietnam veterans got so little respect back then. They somehow were blamed for not bringing North Vietnam to orgasm. (As it turns out, we are now hearing that that country had never even had one in the first place.)
It was during this time they invented THE PILL, which meant that women could fool around if they wanted to. And they suddenly realized that maybe they did want to. Before that, it was sort of about doing whatever your tweed-jacketed man wanted. Now, suddenly, a woman could go out there and say, “Do I want to have sex? You know, I think that yeah, I actually do,” and a line of confused and aroused men would form.
DURING SEX, OR WHEN FANTASY
(OCCASIONALLY) BECOMES REALITY
Okay, here we are. Doin' it, going all the way, hitting a homer, and other nicknames we haven't used since we were eleven. There are definitely some major differences between men and women here as well. *
And we'll start with one that no amount of trashy airport reading can help you with. This is the single most common Google search that brings people to my website—and by a wide margin:
How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed!!!
Look, no one's going to stop you from doing that weird ice-cube-in-the-mouth trick they always want to teach you in magazines. Knock yourself out. But you really don't need to be sweating this issue. Just follow these simple steps, and I guarantee you will drive him wild in bed:
Be Alive: Now, don't skip this one just because it's easy. In fact, if you only follow one rule, this one should be it.
Go to Bed with Him: Also crucial.
Make Sure You're Having Fun: This helps in two ways. First, you'll be having fun, which is, you know, fun. And second, when you have a good time in bed, it helps us feel like a badass, fulfilling the Jack Bauer Principle. Plus, again, you'll be having fun. Nobody wants to be in bed with someone who is acting like they're on a trip to the dentist. Not unless your dentist is a lot more fun than mine.
That's it. That's the whole list. The danger of those magazine checklists is that they're checklists. As in, they're impersonal. Some weird checklist of advanced humping techniques might just make him wonder what other guys have been receiving this royal treatment. Most men like to think they're the only man in the world that you'd do this with. (I know, I know. I already said how we're picturing ourselves with a zillion other women. But that's us. We don't want you thinking like that.)
This brings us to another one of the most common questions that I get from women:
What if he fantasizes about other women when we're doin' it?
Well, here's another area in which this is probably a lot worse than you think. But it's also better, I promise.
Okay, here goes. This is not a “what if.” All men do this. All of us. And just please don't ask whom we're fantasizing about, okay? You already know the answer: everybody. I know. It's awful. But before you start sharpening various knives, forks, and tongs with which to stab, poke, and… tong… your dude, I think it's time for a definition:
Male Fidelity: Defined
A woman recently wrote to me with a question about whether it was normal for a man to fantasize about other women—celebrities, ex-girlfriends, etc.—during sex, and if so, how is that not infidelity?
Here's how. For a man, fidelity and fantasy are very, very different. For us, sexual fantasies
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