It's very equal-opportunity.)
So we know that men fantasize about all women, but what about going after them?
MYTH: Men Only Go After Women with Perfect Bodies.
FACT: Men not only want women with perfect bodies; we want their friends, their sisters, maybe their moms, their ninth-grade Spanish teacher… you get the idea.
Here's a problem in our society: The pervasive attitude among American women is that they are fatter/skinnier/taller/ shorter than they should be, that they are being compared to models with unrealistically perfect bodies, that men are only interested in women of that type, and if they are not perfect, men will not pay attention to them. *
I am here to help and/or be funny in the process. Maybe not in that order.
First, I am not going to lie to you. Yes, we all really do want to have sex with the models with the perfect bodies and the big, fake boobs and all of that. We want it all the time. I want it right now. In fact, every time I see one of those women, yes, I think about having sex with her. And even when I don't see one of them. That's what memory is for.
Women know this and think, “Well, how do the rest of us stand a chance?”
Here's how you stand a chance. We are not looking for ONE woman. We are looking for zillions of women. And we would love for you to be one of them.
Okay, that didn't really come out right.
What I am getting at is this. Most men do not really have a “type,” any more than professional wrestling has rules. It's more of a “hey, whatever works” kind of philosophy. We look at all women.
Listen, I know how women often complain that men are only into appearance, and they always date younger women, etcetera, etcetera. And how women are more than happy to date older men, etcetera, etcetera.
Fine, but let's not pretend that women are into these “older men” because of the content of their characters. Look at these older men that women want to sleep with. Who are these men? Sean Connery? Harrison Ford?
Probably just a coincidence that they are powerful, famous, and rich. I'm sure that if Sean Connery worked as a greeter at Wal-Mart to supplement his $300-a-month Social Security check, you'd still be after him, right?
Guys don't only care about a woman's looks any more than a woman only cares about a man's bank account. (Or his guitar playing, if she's under twenty-five or so.) *
To get back to the original myth, men do not “only” want to have sex with any body type, age, or anything else. We entertain every possibility.
History Break: Sex and the Twentieth Century
Lots of the last century has been interpreted ** with metaphors of male sexuality. If you don't mind hearing about penises as they relate to foreign policy, read on!
World War II
This was in the height of the classic American home, in which the man did X and the woman did Y. And when somebody came into your backyard and stomped all over your Pearl Harbor, well, it was a man's job to go out there and sock someone in the nose.
Wars are often described in sexual terms. One man gets a little too big of a “war boner,” and he swings it in the direction of some other man who doesn't like how big it is. So the second man gets HIS war boner together, and they swing them around at each other until one of them gives up or is dead.
If that sounds a little creepy, well, it is.
Cold War
This was another prime example of the “hey, get that boner out of that country!” kind of thinking. Russia kept poking its peter into various nations around it; we started pushing our pee-pee into all kinds of places around us. Neither of us liked how well the other one seemed to be doing with the lady countries. So we attempted to “nation cockblock” each other as best we could. Eventually, we won because they ran out of money. Which is totally a penis victory in the modern world. If a Porsche is an extension of the penis, how much
So we know that men fantasize about all women, but what about going after them?
MYTH: Men Only Go After Women with Perfect Bodies.
FACT: Men not only want women with perfect bodies; we want their friends, their sisters, maybe their moms, their ninth-grade Spanish teacher… you get the idea.
Here's a problem in our society: The pervasive attitude among American women is that they are fatter/skinnier/taller/ shorter than they should be, that they are being compared to models with unrealistically perfect bodies, that men are only interested in women of that type, and if they are not perfect, men will not pay attention to them. *
I am here to help and/or be funny in the process. Maybe not in that order.
First, I am not going to lie to you. Yes, we all really do want to have sex with the models with the perfect bodies and the big, fake boobs and all of that. We want it all the time. I want it right now. In fact, every time I see one of those women, yes, I think about having sex with her. And even when I don't see one of them. That's what memory is for.
Women know this and think, “Well, how do the rest of us stand a chance?”
Here's how you stand a chance. We are not looking for ONE woman. We are looking for zillions of women. And we would love for you to be one of them.
Okay, that didn't really come out right.
What I am getting at is this. Most men do not really have a “type,” any more than professional wrestling has rules. It's more of a “hey, whatever works” kind of philosophy. We look at all women.
Listen, I know how women often complain that men are only into appearance, and they always date younger women, etcetera, etcetera. And how women are more than happy to date older men, etcetera, etcetera.
Fine, but let's not pretend that women are into these “older men” because of the content of their characters. Look at these older men that women want to sleep with. Who are these men? Sean Connery? Harrison Ford?
Probably just a coincidence that they are powerful, famous, and rich. I'm sure that if Sean Connery worked as a greeter at Wal-Mart to supplement his $300-a-month Social Security check, you'd still be after him, right?
Guys don't only care about a woman's looks any more than a woman only cares about a man's bank account. (Or his guitar playing, if she's under twenty-five or so.) *
To get back to the original myth, men do not “only” want to have sex with any body type, age, or anything else. We entertain every possibility.
History Break: Sex and the Twentieth Century
Lots of the last century has been interpreted ** with metaphors of male sexuality. If you don't mind hearing about penises as they relate to foreign policy, read on!
World War II
This was in the height of the classic American home, in which the man did X and the woman did Y. And when somebody came into your backyard and stomped all over your Pearl Harbor, well, it was a man's job to go out there and sock someone in the nose.
Wars are often described in sexual terms. One man gets a little too big of a “war boner,” and he swings it in the direction of some other man who doesn't like how big it is. So the second man gets HIS war boner together, and they swing them around at each other until one of them gives up or is dead.
If that sounds a little creepy, well, it is.
Cold War
This was another prime example of the “hey, get that boner out of that country!” kind of thinking. Russia kept poking its peter into various nations around it; we started pushing our pee-pee into all kinds of places around us. Neither of us liked how well the other one seemed to be doing with the lady countries. So we attempted to “nation cockblock” each other as best we could. Eventually, we won because they ran out of money. Which is totally a penis victory in the modern world. If a Porsche is an extension of the penis, how much
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