going to tell her that she’ll never have to do that insane class again.
There’s so much noise here, so many different sounds to filter through. The water, constant, under and over everything. Birds. I didn’t notice the birds in my vision—I’ll have to pay closer attention next time. Traffic. We must still be near a road. Conversations around me. I can pick out Clarice and Fia.
“Why?” Fia asks.
“We want to see if you can do it. Think of it as a game.”
“It’s stupid. I won’t do it.”
“You want out of Ms. Roberston’s sessions?”
Pause. “Yes.”
“Then show me you can do this. Focus. Go on instinct. All you need to do is figure out a way to get this into that woman’s bag without anyone around her noticing.”
Pause. “That’s all?”
“That’s all.”
“It doesn’t feel right.”
“ Make it feel right then. You can focus it. I know you can.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
Then the conversation is over and I’m confused. That wasn’t what Clarice was going to talk to her about. Maybe Ms. Robertson is in charge of the self-defense classes. But what was that about a woman and a bag?
I let go of Eden’s hand and sit where I am, sifting sand between my fingers, wondering if this is the part where Fia turns back with that look on her face.
“I’m gonna go down to the water; wanna come?” Eden asks, but I shake my head, lost in what I saw. She puts her hand on top of my hair. “You worry too much. Shout if you want me.”
A few minutes later someone flops to the sand next to me, and I can tell from the scent and feel of her nearby that it’s Fia.
“What did Clarice want?”
“Nothing. Just a stupid game.”
“But you’re out of the classes, right?”
“Right.”
“Good.” I smile and lean my head onto her shoulder. “I like how it smells out here.”
“It smells like rotten things. You’re crazy.”
“It smells like it looks. And I know how it looks, too.” I smile like the crazy person Fia said I was, and she lets out a small laugh, even though I can feel from the tension in her shoulder she still isn’t happy. I’ll make her happy. I can fix things. I can be the big sister. “Oh! They said the doctor should have some of the test results back soon, but they want some samples of your DNA to compare and—”
A crack louder than thunder rips through the air, and a flash of heat whooshes past, carrying stinging bits of sand. Fia knocks us to the ground, throwing herself on top of me, and everyone is screaming and I didn’t see this, what happened, what happened?
“What happened?” I shout in Fia’s ear. But then she shoves off me and she is gone in the blackness now, screaming, screaming as loud as she can.
“WHAT DID YOU MAKE ME DO? WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID I DO?”
She screams and screams until a soft thud hits the groundnear me and then she is silent but everyone else is screaming and this is not the beach I saw and I crawl desperately in the sand, searching, because I don’t know where Fia is.
Where is Fia?
FIA
Monday Evening
“DRUGS, DRUGS, PLEASE GIVE ME DRUGS.” I MAKE A face at my pale reflection. My arm hurts. My head hurts. I don’t understand anything that’s happened today. Annie put the hit on Adam. She’s helping Keane. Why? And thanks to Keane’s rules, I can’t visit her or even call her without being spied on. How could she do this to me? To us? She used me.
My arm hurts.
My life hurts.
“Drugs, drugs, drugs, I want some drugs,” I sing, dancing out of the bathroom and into my living room. It’s a beautiful apartment, Lincoln Park, impeccably furnished. James picked it for me when we got back from Europe and they decided it was dangerous for me to have easy access to Annie. One too manystray thoughts of grabbing her and running. Stupid Readers.
So she stays at the school and I get “freedom” that is as much a prison as Annie’s secure hall because they know I’ll never leave her.
As long as I do exactly what I
There’s so much noise here, so many different sounds to filter through. The water, constant, under and over everything. Birds. I didn’t notice the birds in my vision—I’ll have to pay closer attention next time. Traffic. We must still be near a road. Conversations around me. I can pick out Clarice and Fia.
“Why?” Fia asks.
“We want to see if you can do it. Think of it as a game.”
“It’s stupid. I won’t do it.”
“You want out of Ms. Roberston’s sessions?”
Pause. “Yes.”
“Then show me you can do this. Focus. Go on instinct. All you need to do is figure out a way to get this into that woman’s bag without anyone around her noticing.”
Pause. “That’s all?”
“That’s all.”
“It doesn’t feel right.”
“ Make it feel right then. You can focus it. I know you can.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
Then the conversation is over and I’m confused. That wasn’t what Clarice was going to talk to her about. Maybe Ms. Robertson is in charge of the self-defense classes. But what was that about a woman and a bag?
I let go of Eden’s hand and sit where I am, sifting sand between my fingers, wondering if this is the part where Fia turns back with that look on her face.
“I’m gonna go down to the water; wanna come?” Eden asks, but I shake my head, lost in what I saw. She puts her hand on top of my hair. “You worry too much. Shout if you want me.”
A few minutes later someone flops to the sand next to me, and I can tell from the scent and feel of her nearby that it’s Fia.
“What did Clarice want?”
“Nothing. Just a stupid game.”
“But you’re out of the classes, right?”
“Right.”
“Good.” I smile and lean my head onto her shoulder. “I like how it smells out here.”
“It smells like rotten things. You’re crazy.”
“It smells like it looks. And I know how it looks, too.” I smile like the crazy person Fia said I was, and she lets out a small laugh, even though I can feel from the tension in her shoulder she still isn’t happy. I’ll make her happy. I can fix things. I can be the big sister. “Oh! They said the doctor should have some of the test results back soon, but they want some samples of your DNA to compare and—”
A crack louder than thunder rips through the air, and a flash of heat whooshes past, carrying stinging bits of sand. Fia knocks us to the ground, throwing herself on top of me, and everyone is screaming and I didn’t see this, what happened, what happened?
“What happened?” I shout in Fia’s ear. But then she shoves off me and she is gone in the blackness now, screaming, screaming as loud as she can.
“WHAT DID YOU MAKE ME DO? WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID I DO?”
She screams and screams until a soft thud hits the groundnear me and then she is silent but everyone else is screaming and this is not the beach I saw and I crawl desperately in the sand, searching, because I don’t know where Fia is.
Where is Fia?
FIA
Monday Evening
“DRUGS, DRUGS, PLEASE GIVE ME DRUGS.” I MAKE A face at my pale reflection. My arm hurts. My head hurts. I don’t understand anything that’s happened today. Annie put the hit on Adam. She’s helping Keane. Why? And thanks to Keane’s rules, I can’t visit her or even call her without being spied on. How could she do this to me? To us? She used me.
My arm hurts.
My life hurts.
“Drugs, drugs, drugs, I want some drugs,” I sing, dancing out of the bathroom and into my living room. It’s a beautiful apartment, Lincoln Park, impeccably furnished. James picked it for me when we got back from Europe and they decided it was dangerous for me to have easy access to Annie. One too manystray thoughts of grabbing her and running. Stupid Readers.
So she stays at the school and I get “freedom” that is as much a prison as Annie’s secure hall because they know I’ll never leave her.
As long as I do exactly what I
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