Miss Suki Is Kooky! by Dan Gutman Page A

“He’s the main character in The Fearless Falcon , which was written and illustrated by Miss Suki Kabuki.”
    This was getting really weird!
    After music class was over, we went to the computer lab.
    â€œGood morning,” said Mrs. Yonkers, our computer teacher. “Today we’re going to visit www.sukikabuki.com. That’s thewebsite of children’s book author Miss Suki Kabuki.”

    What the heck was going on?! How come all the teachers were talking about this dumb children’s book author? It was the weirdest thing in the history of the world.
    After we finished computer lab, we went back to our class to get ready for lunch. Suddenly I heard a knock at the door. Miss Daisy answered it.
    It was Mr. Klutz, the principal! He has no hair at all.
    â€œI have big news!” Mr. Klutz announced. “Guess who will be coming to visit our school in three weeks?”
    â€œWho?” we all asked.
    â€œA famous children’s book author,” Mr. Klutz said. “Her name is Miss Suki Kabuki!”

2
Children’s Books Are Dumb
    So that ’s why all the teachers were talking about Miss Suki Kabuki. She was coming to visit our school. I never met a real live author before. Come to think of it, I never met any dead ones either.
    â€œWow!” said all the girls.
    â€œWho cares?” said all the boys.
    Mr. Klutz was so excited about the author visit, he had to go tell all the other classes the news.
    â€œI love Miss Suki Kabuki!” said Andrea, who loves books and anything else that’s boring. “She’s my favorite author!”
    â€œNever heard of her before today,” I said.
    â€œWell, maybe if you picked up a book once in a while, Arlo, then you would know who she is.”
    â€œHey, I picked up a book once,” I said. “And then I put it back down again.”
    Andrea had to show everybody how smart she was by naming some of Miss Suki Kabuki’s books, like The FearlessFalcon, The Reluctant Rhino , and The Courageous Crane .

    â€œThat’s right, Andrea,” said Miss Daisy. “Suki Kabuki has written a lot of great books. She’s coming all the way to Americafrom Japan because she won the Blueberry Award. That’s an award that is given for the best children’s book of the year. Miss Suki is only visiting a few schools in America, and ours is one of them! We’re very lucky our PTA was able to get her.”
    â€œI knew Miss Suki was coming,” said Andrea, who loves telling people how much she knows.
    â€œHow did you know?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    â€œMy mother is vice president of the PTA,” Andrea said. “She knows everything.”
    â€œI’m sure it was very hard to get Miss Suki to come and visit us,” Miss Daisysaid. “She lives in the rainforest, where she writes all about those animals.”
    â€œI love animals,” Andrea said. “When I grow up, I want to be a veterinarian.”
    â€œYou’re not going to eat meat?” I asked.
    â€œNo, dumbhead,” said Andrea. “That’s a vegetarian . A veterinarian is an animal doctor.”
    â€œIt is not,” I said.
    â€œIt is too,” Andrea said.
    We went back and forth like that for a while. And then I came up with a genius idea to win the argument.
    â€œOh, yeah?” I said. “Well, a veterinarian who doesn’t eat meat is a vegetarian. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo!”
    In her face! No wonder they put me in the gifted and talented program.
    â€œI can’t believe Miss Suki is coming to our school,” said Emily, all excited. “Do you think she’ll sign autographs?”
    â€œI don’t know,” said Miss Daisy, who doesn’t know anything. “Maybe she will if you kids are on your best behavior.”
    I didn’t want Miss Suki’s autograph. I had never even heard of her or any of her dumb books before. How come we have to have an author visit