Miss Suki Is Kooky! by Dan Gutman Page B

anyway? Why can’t we have a professional skateboarder instead? That would be cool.
    Children’s books are dumb, if you ask me. So anybody who writes children’sbooks must be dumb, too. Except for Dr. Seuss, of course. The only books I read are by Dr. Seuss. He was cool, even if he wasn’t a real doctor.
    â€œWhy can’t we invite Dr. Seuss to our school?” I asked.
    â€œBecause he’s dead, dumbhead,” said Andrea.
    â€œSo is your face,” I replied.

3
I Hate Andrea and She Hates Me
    â€œMiss Daisy, please come to the office,” Mr. Klutz said over the loudspeaker a few days later. “Oh, by the way, Picture Day and Author Day are both going to be two weeks from Friday. So we will be killing two birds with one stone, you might say. Thank you for your attention.”
    â€œKilling birds is mean!” said Emily.
    â€œIt’s just an expression, dumbhead,” I told her. “Killing two birds with one stone means doing two things at once.”
    â€œI knew that,” Emily lied. She looked like she was going to cry, as usual.
    Miss Daisy was still in the office. Andrea and Emily pulled those fake makeup kits out of their desks again. They were looking in these little round mirrors and fussing with their hair.
    â€œYou look fabulous, Emily,” said Andrea.
    â€œNo, you look fabulous, Andrea,” said Emily.
    â€œWhat do you think I should wear for Picture Day?” asked Andrea. “My blueskirt or the red one with the boat on it?”
    â€œOh, definitely the blue one,” Emily said. “It brings out your eyes.”
    â€œI think I need more lipstick,” said Andrea.
    â€œI need to moisturize,” said Emily.
    â€œUgh,” I said. “What is your problem?” I thought I was gonna throw up.
    â€œWe’re making ourselves pretty,” Andrea told me.
    â€œThat’s good,” I replied, “because you couldn’t make yourselves any uglier.”
    â€œYou’re mean!” said Emily.
    â€œWhy don’t you just put paper bags over your heads so we don’t have to look at you?” I suggested.
    â€œVery funny, Arlo,” said Andrea. “WhenI’m a teenager, I’m going to put on real makeup, and I’ll be even more beautiful. Then you’ll ask me out on a date, and I’ll say I’m busy because I don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that I don’t like you.”
    Why can’t a truck full of makeup fall on Andrea’s head? I hate her.

    â€œOooooh!” said Ryan. “A.J. is going to ask Andrea out on a date when they’re teenagers. That means they’re in love !”
    â€œWhen are you gonna get married?” asked Michael.
    Just then, Miss Daisyrushed back from the office.
    â€œGuess what?” she said.
    I was going to answer by shouting “Your butt!” Any time somebody says “Guess what,” you have to say “Your butt.” That’s the first rule of being a kid. But Miss Daisy is a grown-up, and grown-ups get angry when you say “butt.” Nobody knows why.
    â€œWhat?” we all shouted.
    â€œWe got a letter from Miss Suki!”

4
Here Comes the Big-Shot Author
    Miss Daisy read the letter we got from Miss Suki:
    To my dear friends at
    Ella Mentry School,
    I can’t wait to meet you!
    I love children and look forward
    to visiting your school. I will
    have a big surprise to show
    you. See you soon!
    Sayonara,
    Miss Suki Kabuki
    Miss Daisy tacked the letter up on the bulletin board. She was so excited that a real live, famous author actually took the time to write to us. She made us write letters back to Miss Suki, draw pictures for her, and think of questions to ask her when she arrived.
    For the next two weeks, pretty much all we did at school was get ready for Miss Suki’s visit. Mrs. Patty, the secretary, putup a big chart in the office that said COUNTDOWN TO PICTURE DAY AND AUTHOR DAY