Miss Suki Is Kooky! by Dan Gutman

1
The Weirdest Thing in the History of the World
    My name is A.J. and I hate school.
    It was Monday morning, and all the girls were playing with these fake makeup kits that they got at some birthday party over the weekend. I thought I was gonna throw up.
    â€œPicture Day is in three weeks,” said my teacher, Miss Daisy, as she handed us each a piece of paper. “A photographer is going to come and take pictures of every student in school. So make sure your parents fill out this form if they want to order pictures.”
    â€œI love getting my picture taken!” said this annoying girl with curly brown hair named Andrea Young. (The girl’s name is Andrea Young, that is. Not her hair. Hair doesn’t have a name.)
    â€œMe too,” said this crybaby girl named Emily, who always agrees with anything Andrea says.
    â€œThey should take your pictures,” Isuggested, “and burn them.”
    My friends Ryan and Michael laughed. Emily looked like she was going to cry.
    â€œIt just so happens that Emily and I are very photogenic,” Andrea told us.
    â€œWow!” I said. “You can read minds?”
    â€œâ€˜Photogenic’ means you look good in pictures, dumbhead.”
    â€œThat’s good,” I said, “because you’re ugly in real life.”
    â€œOh, snap!” said Michael.
    â€œDo you know where they should put your picture, Arlo?” asked Andrea.
    â€œWhere?” I asked. I hate when she calls me by my real name.
    â€œIn the post office,” she said, “with allthose pictures of criminals and bank robbers and murderers.”
    â€œOh, snap!” said Ryan.
    â€œSo is your face,” I told Andrea. Any time somebody says something mean to you, always say, “So is your face.” Even if it doesn’t make any sense. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    â€œEnough chitchat,” said Miss Daisy. “We have library now with Mrs. Roopy.”
    â€œYay!” said all the girls.
    â€œBoo!” said all the boys.
    Bummer in the summer! Libraries are boring. Do you know why? Because they’re filled with books! And there’s nothing more boring than a book. Why are you even reading this one?
    Library would be even more boring if we didn’t have a librarian like Mrs. Roopy. She’s always dressed up like somebody else, whether it’s Little Bo Peep or Johnny Appleseed. Mrs. Roopy is loopy.
    When we got to the library, we saw Mrs. Roopy dressed up like a giant bird, with lots of feathers and a beak.

    â€œWhy are you dressed up like a bird, Mrs. Roopy?” asked Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes.
    â€œSquawk! Squawk! Squawk!” shouted Mrs. Roopy as she flapped her wings. “Who’s Roopy? My name is Rappy. I’m a peregrine falcon, the main character in The Fearless Falcon . * It’s a wonderful book written and illustrated by the famous children’s book author Miss Suki Kabuki.”
    Mrs. Roopy read us a few chapters of the book. It’s about this falcon that sees its reflection in a window and thinks it’s an enemy. So it attacks its own reflectionby flying right into the glass. Bam!
    Man, was that bird dumb. **
    â€œThat’s the saddest story I ever heard!” Emily said, with tears in her eyes. That girl will cry over any old thing.
    After library we went to the art room. Ms. Hannah, our art teacher, was waiting for us.
    â€œToday we’re going to draw pictures of Rappy, the peregrine falcon in The Fearless Falcon ,” said Ms. Hannah. “It was written and illustrated by the famous children’s book author Miss Suki Kabuki.”
    Hmm, that was strange. Why were wedoing something with the same book in both library and art?
    After we finished drawing our pictures and cleaning up the art room, it was time to go to music with Mr. Loring.
    â€œToday we’re going to sing a song about a falcon named Rappy,” said Mr. Loring.