‘Throw in your pants. I’ll take those.’
‘I’m not betting my pants.’
‘Must not be a very good hand.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with that.’
‘Then throw ’em in.’
‘Diane, I’m not betting my pants.’
‘What else do you have?’
‘That’s it. It’s all I got.’
She picked up the badge and turned it over in her palm, frowning. I expected her to bite it to see if it was counterfeit. ‘I’ll take it. Maybe I’ll make an earring out of it or something. I’ll wear it around town so everyone will know what a loser you are.’ She tossed it in the pot.
‘Ben,’ Dick asked, ‘does this make Diane the new chief?’
‘She hasn’t won yet, Dick.’
‘Well, after. Will she be the new chief?’
‘I guess so.’
His mouth squeezed into a frown of deep concern.
Diane laid her cards on the table. Two pairs, kings and sevens.
The thought crossed my mind that all I had to do here was fold. Just put my cards down, let Diane have the pot and the badge with it. An ignominious end to my career in law enforcement, but what the hell, an end is an end. Then again, I don’t get the chance to beat Diane very often. I put down my three queens and swept the pot toward me, forty-five dollars or so plus a gold-colored badge.
‘You wouldn’t have let me keep it anyway,’ she grumbled.
I shrugged. Hey, you never know.
Later, I watched Diane get out of bed to stand by the window. She was a big, haunchy girl with an athletic way of moving. I liked to watch her. The soles of her feet scuffed along the floor. At the window she lit a cigarette and puffed it distractedly, arms folded across her belly. She seemed lost in thought, her nudity forgotten, irrelevant. Outside, the hills were silhouettes against the moonlit sky.
‘What’s wrong, Diane?’ I propped myself on an elbow.
She moved her head vaguely but did not answer. The tip of the cigarette glowed orange in the dark room. ‘Did you ever think that maybe this is all we’re going to have?’
‘What? You mean’ – I wiggled my finger between us – ’this?’
‘No! Don’t worry, Ben, I know what this is.’
‘I only meant—’
‘I know what you meant.’ She shook her head. ‘I mean, what if this whole thing is all there is for me? Shitty little apartment, shitty little town. This whole shitty life. So-called life.’
My neck began to stiffen and I sat up. ‘Well, you can change it. If this place isn’t for you, you can go anywhere you want.’
‘No, you can go anywhere you want. It’s different for you, Ben. Always has been. You could always go anywhere you want. I can’t.’
‘Of course you can.’
‘Ben, don’t. Just don’t. I’m not asking to be cheered up.’
‘Oh.’
I sneaked a glance at the clock. 2:17 A.M.
‘We’re not all like you, Ben. You’ve got choices. You’re smart, you went to a fancy college, fancy graduate school. You’ll be okay wherever you go. You’re not even as butthole-ugly as I say you are. You’re actually—’ She looked back at me, then returned her attention to the window. ‘You’re not that bad.’
‘You’re not bad either.’
‘Right.’
‘I mean it, Diane.’
‘I used to be not bad. Now I’m not even not bad.’
‘That’s just not true.’
She dismissed this with a wave of her hand. ‘Ben, tell me what you’re going to do when you leave here.’
‘Go home, I guess. I have a meeting in Portland tomorrow.’
She shook her head again, the long-suffering Diane. ‘Not when you leave the room. When you leave this fucking town.’
‘Oh. I don’t know. Go back to school, I guess. Maybe just go have an adventure somewhere.’
‘Right. Prague.’
‘You could come, you know. There’s nothing holding you here.’
‘I don’t know from Prague.’ She slid a hand over her hip, smoothing the clothes that were not there. A gesture to fill the space. When she was ready, she said, ‘I thought you were going to be a professor. Isn’t that what you were in
‘I’m not betting my pants.’
‘Must not be a very good hand.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with that.’
‘Then throw ’em in.’
‘Diane, I’m not betting my pants.’
‘What else do you have?’
‘That’s it. It’s all I got.’
She picked up the badge and turned it over in her palm, frowning. I expected her to bite it to see if it was counterfeit. ‘I’ll take it. Maybe I’ll make an earring out of it or something. I’ll wear it around town so everyone will know what a loser you are.’ She tossed it in the pot.
‘Ben,’ Dick asked, ‘does this make Diane the new chief?’
‘She hasn’t won yet, Dick.’
‘Well, after. Will she be the new chief?’
‘I guess so.’
His mouth squeezed into a frown of deep concern.
Diane laid her cards on the table. Two pairs, kings and sevens.
The thought crossed my mind that all I had to do here was fold. Just put my cards down, let Diane have the pot and the badge with it. An ignominious end to my career in law enforcement, but what the hell, an end is an end. Then again, I don’t get the chance to beat Diane very often. I put down my three queens and swept the pot toward me, forty-five dollars or so plus a gold-colored badge.
‘You wouldn’t have let me keep it anyway,’ she grumbled.
I shrugged. Hey, you never know.
Later, I watched Diane get out of bed to stand by the window. She was a big, haunchy girl with an athletic way of moving. I liked to watch her. The soles of her feet scuffed along the floor. At the window she lit a cigarette and puffed it distractedly, arms folded across her belly. She seemed lost in thought, her nudity forgotten, irrelevant. Outside, the hills were silhouettes against the moonlit sky.
‘What’s wrong, Diane?’ I propped myself on an elbow.
She moved her head vaguely but did not answer. The tip of the cigarette glowed orange in the dark room. ‘Did you ever think that maybe this is all we’re going to have?’
‘What? You mean’ – I wiggled my finger between us – ’this?’
‘No! Don’t worry, Ben, I know what this is.’
‘I only meant—’
‘I know what you meant.’ She shook her head. ‘I mean, what if this whole thing is all there is for me? Shitty little apartment, shitty little town. This whole shitty life. So-called life.’
My neck began to stiffen and I sat up. ‘Well, you can change it. If this place isn’t for you, you can go anywhere you want.’
‘No, you can go anywhere you want. It’s different for you, Ben. Always has been. You could always go anywhere you want. I can’t.’
‘Of course you can.’
‘Ben, don’t. Just don’t. I’m not asking to be cheered up.’
‘Oh.’
I sneaked a glance at the clock. 2:17 A.M.
‘We’re not all like you, Ben. You’ve got choices. You’re smart, you went to a fancy college, fancy graduate school. You’ll be okay wherever you go. You’re not even as butthole-ugly as I say you are. You’re actually—’ She looked back at me, then returned her attention to the window. ‘You’re not that bad.’
‘You’re not bad either.’
‘Right.’
‘I mean it, Diane.’
‘I used to be not bad. Now I’m not even not bad.’
‘That’s just not true.’
She dismissed this with a wave of her hand. ‘Ben, tell me what you’re going to do when you leave here.’
‘Go home, I guess. I have a meeting in Portland tomorrow.’
She shook her head again, the long-suffering Diane. ‘Not when you leave the room. When you leave this fucking town.’
‘Oh. I don’t know. Go back to school, I guess. Maybe just go have an adventure somewhere.’
‘Right. Prague.’
‘You could come, you know. There’s nothing holding you here.’
‘I don’t know from Prague.’ She slid a hand over her hip, smoothing the clothes that were not there. A gesture to fill the space. When she was ready, she said, ‘I thought you were going to be a professor. Isn’t that what you were in
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