in their Christmas finery, it didn’t stop little Jake Jr. from pulling on the ribbons in Cassie’s hair. This, of course, meant immediate retaliation from her, chasing him through the house, both kids squealing.
Andy held a glass of wine, his dad’s favorite burgundy. Normally, he loved Christmas and the chaos, but tonight he just wasn’t ready for the mess, the people and the insanity.
He walked out on the deck, staring out into the night. A light snow glazed the ground, just enough to make everything white. The deck, only partially shielded by a roof, was split in two by a line of clear white. A little ridge of snow had built on the deck. He stood right at the edge, careful not to get his shoes wet, staring out at the woods behind the house.
“And why are you so blue?” his mother asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing important.”
His mother lit a cigarette and sat in her favorite rocker. She looked lovely, dressed in a navy blue suit and her big wool jacket.
Andy hardly noticed the cold as he sat next to her.
“Is Erica coming?”
“No.”
“I see.” She didn’t say anything for a full minute. “How do you feel about that?”
He swallowed more wine. “Her choice. She hates Christmas.”
“Is that all of it?”
He glanced at his mother. “I’m not discussing it with you.”
She nodded. “That girl is a mess, Andy. She’s been a mess since she was a kid. It’ll take a Christmas miracle to clear her heart.”
“I hoped my heart would be enough.” Just saying the words was like sticking a knife in his gut and twisting it around.
“I know you did.” She reached over, patted his knee, and snubbed her barely smoked cigarette out in the ashtray. “Come on. Escort your mother to church. We’ll say a prayer for her. God may be feeling generous this Christmas.”
“I doubt it.”
He couldn’t imagine enough Christmas spirit in the world to heal Erica’s broken Christmas past.
Chapter Eleven
Wednesday, Christmas Eve
I decided I have plum lost my ever-loving mind.
There was no other explanation why I would be at the mall on Christmas Eve, looking for presents for people I hardly knew.
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Erica.
I practically ran past the Santa’s Workshop display in the center of the mall where kids were posing for those last minute pictures. The line, surprisingly, wasn’t horribly long, and almost everyone was bright eyed and excited to see Santa on this special night.
A tear crept up in my eye.
I never got my picture taken with Santa.
So far I had bought most everything I wanted to get. I got the stereotypical girly gift for his sister Andrea—more vanilla scented lotion. Andy’s mom was easy too. I bought her some pretty kitchen towels in red and white. ‘Course, I wouldn’t have known what color to get if I hadn’t shopped with Andy the other day. I also picked up a pretty vase for his grandmother.
They were easy.
My real mission, though, was tough.
I had to find something for Andy. And unfortunately, I couldn’t find any huge banners printed with I’m an asshole.
Because I was.
I drank about a bottle of wine last night, and between cursing and crying, I figured out what he’d meant.
He didn’t want to be friends with benefits. He also didn’t want to go back to what we were. He wanted it all—friend, lover, companion, partner. And really, the only part new to me was the lover part. The rest I knew how to do.
Which is what I’d meant when I said nothing would change—only sex would be added. We’d still be best friends.
That’s what I told myself, anyway.
When he told me we were done, every nerve in my body screamed no, and I couldn’t believe it. It was like my heart had declared “code red” and hadn’t bothered to let my head know.
The void in my chest where I reserved my feelings for Andy left me hollow and incomplete. I didn’t expect to feel that. It was like he ripped my heart out and stomped on it over and over.
Though
Andy held a glass of wine, his dad’s favorite burgundy. Normally, he loved Christmas and the chaos, but tonight he just wasn’t ready for the mess, the people and the insanity.
He walked out on the deck, staring out into the night. A light snow glazed the ground, just enough to make everything white. The deck, only partially shielded by a roof, was split in two by a line of clear white. A little ridge of snow had built on the deck. He stood right at the edge, careful not to get his shoes wet, staring out at the woods behind the house.
“And why are you so blue?” his mother asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing important.”
His mother lit a cigarette and sat in her favorite rocker. She looked lovely, dressed in a navy blue suit and her big wool jacket.
Andy hardly noticed the cold as he sat next to her.
“Is Erica coming?”
“No.”
“I see.” She didn’t say anything for a full minute. “How do you feel about that?”
He swallowed more wine. “Her choice. She hates Christmas.”
“Is that all of it?”
He glanced at his mother. “I’m not discussing it with you.”
She nodded. “That girl is a mess, Andy. She’s been a mess since she was a kid. It’ll take a Christmas miracle to clear her heart.”
“I hoped my heart would be enough.” Just saying the words was like sticking a knife in his gut and twisting it around.
“I know you did.” She reached over, patted his knee, and snubbed her barely smoked cigarette out in the ashtray. “Come on. Escort your mother to church. We’ll say a prayer for her. God may be feeling generous this Christmas.”
“I doubt it.”
He couldn’t imagine enough Christmas spirit in the world to heal Erica’s broken Christmas past.
Chapter Eleven
Wednesday, Christmas Eve
I decided I have plum lost my ever-loving mind.
There was no other explanation why I would be at the mall on Christmas Eve, looking for presents for people I hardly knew.
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Erica.
I practically ran past the Santa’s Workshop display in the center of the mall where kids were posing for those last minute pictures. The line, surprisingly, wasn’t horribly long, and almost everyone was bright eyed and excited to see Santa on this special night.
A tear crept up in my eye.
I never got my picture taken with Santa.
So far I had bought most everything I wanted to get. I got the stereotypical girly gift for his sister Andrea—more vanilla scented lotion. Andy’s mom was easy too. I bought her some pretty kitchen towels in red and white. ‘Course, I wouldn’t have known what color to get if I hadn’t shopped with Andy the other day. I also picked up a pretty vase for his grandmother.
They were easy.
My real mission, though, was tough.
I had to find something for Andy. And unfortunately, I couldn’t find any huge banners printed with I’m an asshole.
Because I was.
I drank about a bottle of wine last night, and between cursing and crying, I figured out what he’d meant.
He didn’t want to be friends with benefits. He also didn’t want to go back to what we were. He wanted it all—friend, lover, companion, partner. And really, the only part new to me was the lover part. The rest I knew how to do.
Which is what I’d meant when I said nothing would change—only sex would be added. We’d still be best friends.
That’s what I told myself, anyway.
When he told me we were done, every nerve in my body screamed no, and I couldn’t believe it. It was like my heart had declared “code red” and hadn’t bothered to let my head know.
The void in my chest where I reserved my feelings for Andy left me hollow and incomplete. I didn’t expect to feel that. It was like he ripped my heart out and stomped on it over and over.
Though
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