Matt touched. People who adored them. I know all of you will miss them as much as I will, but as cliché as it sounds, they will live on in our hearts, and most of all, they will continue to live on in the… in the beautiful daughter they left behind.” My eyes went to Payne again, and he nodded. “I guess all any of us can hope for is to love and be loved as much as possible and make the most of the time we have in life with the people who truly matter most, and I know Matt and Ava did that. You are all proof of that. I thank all of you for being here today, because I know your love meant the world to my sister and Matt.”
I suppose I should have said more, but I felt I had expressed what was important, and I quietly returned to my seat beside Payne and my mother. Payne instantly captured my hand in his. Just a simple touch from him reassured me, and I squeezed the hand that held mine as one of Matt’s coworkers spoke for a few minutes, and then the priest concluded the service with a prayer. Simple. Reverent. I knew it was exactly what Ava and Matt would have wanted.
The brief but tearful gathering at their gravesites found me crying freely, unable to hold back tears for a moment longer. As the crowd began to dissipate, my father walked my mother back to the car. I nodded at Payne, letting him know I needed a few moments, and he joined my parents.
“I’m so sorry this happened, Ava,” I said softly, hoping wherever they were, she and Matt would hear me. “I am so sorry you and Matt won’t have the life you deserved, with the chance to grow old together and watch your beautiful little girl grow into a remarkable woman. It’s so unfair. But I want you to know, Payne and I will take care of Aubrey. We will love her, and I swear, you will be real for her, because we will keep your memories alive.” I brushed at the falling tears. “I’m gonna miss both of you. But I’ll take care of your daughter and be there for Mom, and maybe Dad really will get his act together once and for all, and if he does, he’ll be there for Aubrey as well.”
I stood there a minute more before I turned and went to the car, and by the time we made it back to my mother’s, the need to cry had faded, leaving me feeling mostly reserved and somber. I knew I would certainly shed more tears in the weeks to come, but for the rest of the afternoon, I found myself more comfortable, talking with friends and family, reminiscing about Ava and Matt. It was actually nice to be able to talk to people who shared the grief I felt. I even had a pleasant—if somewhat stiff—conversation with my father, and it was again obvious to me that he was making an effort. He even asked if he could maybe call and just talk once Payne and I returned to New York, and I assured him that would be perfectly fine, as long as he was comfortable with it.
Payne had already told me that my mother had asked if she could come to New York with us, but I decided I would let her tell my father about her plans on that front.
“We’ll be in town another week.” That much I did share with my father, who seemed curious. “We were able to get time off work. I want to help Mom with cleaning out Ava and Matt’s house, and we need to pack everything for Aubrey.”
Instead of flying, we had decided to rent an SUV and a U-Haul Trailer and drive back with Aubrey, my mother, and the items we needed to take back to New York with us. It would certainly be an adventure. But I thought it might be good for all of us. It would at least provide a chance to unwind. I could only hope my father would understand why my mother needed time away from both him and reminders of the past. She wasn’t rejecting him. She wasn’t rejecting the idea of giving him another chance, but for the first time, she was putting her needs first. Frankly, I respected her decision and her understanding that she couldn’t magically “fix” my father. There were some battles he needed to fight on his
I suppose I should have said more, but I felt I had expressed what was important, and I quietly returned to my seat beside Payne and my mother. Payne instantly captured my hand in his. Just a simple touch from him reassured me, and I squeezed the hand that held mine as one of Matt’s coworkers spoke for a few minutes, and then the priest concluded the service with a prayer. Simple. Reverent. I knew it was exactly what Ava and Matt would have wanted.
The brief but tearful gathering at their gravesites found me crying freely, unable to hold back tears for a moment longer. As the crowd began to dissipate, my father walked my mother back to the car. I nodded at Payne, letting him know I needed a few moments, and he joined my parents.
“I’m so sorry this happened, Ava,” I said softly, hoping wherever they were, she and Matt would hear me. “I am so sorry you and Matt won’t have the life you deserved, with the chance to grow old together and watch your beautiful little girl grow into a remarkable woman. It’s so unfair. But I want you to know, Payne and I will take care of Aubrey. We will love her, and I swear, you will be real for her, because we will keep your memories alive.” I brushed at the falling tears. “I’m gonna miss both of you. But I’ll take care of your daughter and be there for Mom, and maybe Dad really will get his act together once and for all, and if he does, he’ll be there for Aubrey as well.”
I stood there a minute more before I turned and went to the car, and by the time we made it back to my mother’s, the need to cry had faded, leaving me feeling mostly reserved and somber. I knew I would certainly shed more tears in the weeks to come, but for the rest of the afternoon, I found myself more comfortable, talking with friends and family, reminiscing about Ava and Matt. It was actually nice to be able to talk to people who shared the grief I felt. I even had a pleasant—if somewhat stiff—conversation with my father, and it was again obvious to me that he was making an effort. He even asked if he could maybe call and just talk once Payne and I returned to New York, and I assured him that would be perfectly fine, as long as he was comfortable with it.
Payne had already told me that my mother had asked if she could come to New York with us, but I decided I would let her tell my father about her plans on that front.
“We’ll be in town another week.” That much I did share with my father, who seemed curious. “We were able to get time off work. I want to help Mom with cleaning out Ava and Matt’s house, and we need to pack everything for Aubrey.”
Instead of flying, we had decided to rent an SUV and a U-Haul Trailer and drive back with Aubrey, my mother, and the items we needed to take back to New York with us. It would certainly be an adventure. But I thought it might be good for all of us. It would at least provide a chance to unwind. I could only hope my father would understand why my mother needed time away from both him and reminders of the past. She wasn’t rejecting him. She wasn’t rejecting the idea of giving him another chance, but for the first time, she was putting her needs first. Frankly, I respected her decision and her understanding that she couldn’t magically “fix” my father. There were some battles he needed to fight on his
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