own, without depending on others.
Several hours later, while my mother and father spoke in the kitchen, Payne and I went upstairs, where we enjoyed a crash course in feeding and bathing Aubrey before Payne rocked her to sleep while I sat on the floor beside the rocking chair.
“You know, you look like a natural at this parenting thing.” I smiled as Payne glanced at me with a grin, and I knew then being the “responsible parent” would fall to me, because my beloved husband was completely and utterly smitten with the little girl in his arms.
“Well, Aubrey here makes it sort of easy to fall head over heels in love with her, wouldn’t you say?”
“She’s a charmer, no doubt about it.” I rose up on my knees to look at Aubrey, who had drifted off to sleep with one hand tangled in Payne’s shirt. “You know I love this little girl, and I believe we can and will give her a wonderful life, but I… I wish Ava and Matt could have had the life they deserved.”
“I know, baby.”
“The guy that hit them, his name is Mark Parker, and he’s a divorced father with three children.”
“Christ.”
“I hate him for what he did, for getting behind the wheel when he knew better, but at the same time, I feel sorry for his family because he’s going to end up in prison, and three more kids are going to lose their father.”
“True. But Parker’s responsible for his actions. And yeah, it’s sad that his kids will have to suffer, but at least he will still be able to have contact with his kids.”
“And Ava and Matt can’t,” I whispered. “The entire situation is so unfair, and the fact that it could have so easily been avoided makes it even more difficult to accept.”
“All we can do now is move forward.” Payne looked at me again, and I reached for his hand. “If the world were fair, Ava and Matt would be here, and Parker would have thought about his own family before driving when he knew he was drunk, but he made the wrong decision, and Ava and Matt paid the ultimate price. And the people that loved them, we have to learn how to live without them in our lives. It won’t be easy, but we have to do it, because even when our hearts are breaking, life keeps going.”
“And we have to keep going with it.”
“Exactly. Because Aubrey needs us. And we need one another. And at the end of the day, despite whatever pain and loss we suffer, life is worth living.”
I smiled at his wisdom and kissed the hand I held. “You make my life worth living, Mr. Rogan.”
“Back at ya, Mr. Rogan.”
“Come on. Let’s put the little angel in her crib. We still have a lot ahead of us, and I’ve found I can’t fall asleep unless your arms are wrapped around me.”
Payne stood and gently placed Aubrey in the crib, and I followed, carefully arranging the blankets. “Sleep well, little princess. We’ll always be close.” I listened to Payne’s whispered promise, and it made me love him even more.
We left the room, hand in hand, and walked to my childhood bedroom. I was exhausted mentally and emotionally, and physically, I felt drained. As always, however, Payne seemed to know exactly what I needed. Soon, we were naked, curled together under the covers, with my head resting comfortably on his chest while he played his fingers through my hair.
“I love you,” I told him. “So much. And if I hadn’t had you with me, I wouldn’t have made it through the last few days.”
“Jamie—”
“I mean it, Pay. I get my strength from you. And whatever we might face, I know we’ll survive it. I just want you to know, if the unthinkable ever happened, you have been the best thing in my life, and you’ve given my life meaning.”
“Christ, Jamie, you know it’s the same for me. I love you. And if I didn’t have you, my life wouldn’t have any warmth, any meaning. I swear, whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it, because we love one another so damn much.”
“And our family.” I
Several hours later, while my mother and father spoke in the kitchen, Payne and I went upstairs, where we enjoyed a crash course in feeding and bathing Aubrey before Payne rocked her to sleep while I sat on the floor beside the rocking chair.
“You know, you look like a natural at this parenting thing.” I smiled as Payne glanced at me with a grin, and I knew then being the “responsible parent” would fall to me, because my beloved husband was completely and utterly smitten with the little girl in his arms.
“Well, Aubrey here makes it sort of easy to fall head over heels in love with her, wouldn’t you say?”
“She’s a charmer, no doubt about it.” I rose up on my knees to look at Aubrey, who had drifted off to sleep with one hand tangled in Payne’s shirt. “You know I love this little girl, and I believe we can and will give her a wonderful life, but I… I wish Ava and Matt could have had the life they deserved.”
“I know, baby.”
“The guy that hit them, his name is Mark Parker, and he’s a divorced father with three children.”
“Christ.”
“I hate him for what he did, for getting behind the wheel when he knew better, but at the same time, I feel sorry for his family because he’s going to end up in prison, and three more kids are going to lose their father.”
“True. But Parker’s responsible for his actions. And yeah, it’s sad that his kids will have to suffer, but at least he will still be able to have contact with his kids.”
“And Ava and Matt can’t,” I whispered. “The entire situation is so unfair, and the fact that it could have so easily been avoided makes it even more difficult to accept.”
“All we can do now is move forward.” Payne looked at me again, and I reached for his hand. “If the world were fair, Ava and Matt would be here, and Parker would have thought about his own family before driving when he knew he was drunk, but he made the wrong decision, and Ava and Matt paid the ultimate price. And the people that loved them, we have to learn how to live without them in our lives. It won’t be easy, but we have to do it, because even when our hearts are breaking, life keeps going.”
“And we have to keep going with it.”
“Exactly. Because Aubrey needs us. And we need one another. And at the end of the day, despite whatever pain and loss we suffer, life is worth living.”
I smiled at his wisdom and kissed the hand I held. “You make my life worth living, Mr. Rogan.”
“Back at ya, Mr. Rogan.”
“Come on. Let’s put the little angel in her crib. We still have a lot ahead of us, and I’ve found I can’t fall asleep unless your arms are wrapped around me.”
Payne stood and gently placed Aubrey in the crib, and I followed, carefully arranging the blankets. “Sleep well, little princess. We’ll always be close.” I listened to Payne’s whispered promise, and it made me love him even more.
We left the room, hand in hand, and walked to my childhood bedroom. I was exhausted mentally and emotionally, and physically, I felt drained. As always, however, Payne seemed to know exactly what I needed. Soon, we were naked, curled together under the covers, with my head resting comfortably on his chest while he played his fingers through my hair.
“I love you,” I told him. “So much. And if I hadn’t had you with me, I wouldn’t have made it through the last few days.”
“Jamie—”
“I mean it, Pay. I get my strength from you. And whatever we might face, I know we’ll survive it. I just want you to know, if the unthinkable ever happened, you have been the best thing in my life, and you’ve given my life meaning.”
“Christ, Jamie, you know it’s the same for me. I love you. And if I didn’t have you, my life wouldn’t have any warmth, any meaning. I swear, whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it, because we love one another so damn much.”
“And our family.” I
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