is knowing he has you.”
“He’s struggling,” I admitted, “because this leaves him feeling exposed, and you know he hates being vulnerable.”
“I know.”
“But he’s also strong, and I know he’ll be able to balance his grief with what comes next.”
“You mean adjusting to having Aubrey,” Emma said.
I nodded. “It will be a big adjustment, but we’re both honored that Ava and Matt would trust us with something so precious.”
“I think they made a wonderful decision, because you and Jamie are wonderful, and I truly believe you will love Aubrey and give her the most amazing life.” Emma managed a smile, but her eyes were still sad as we sat there, her hand in mine. “Look, I don’t want to say or do anything that could undermine the plans you and Jamie have, and I do believe you two will make incredible parents, but if possible, I would like to come to New York. For just a little while. I would stay in a motel, or find a temporary apartment, but I… well, I would like to help you and Jamie with all the arrangements for Aubrey, and to be honest, I need time away from Russ while he works to get his life put back together.”
“Emma, you will not stay at a motel, and yes, you can come with us. Jamie and I have already discussed it, and we intended to talk to you about returning to New York with us.”
“Really?”
“I think the time away will do you good, and I can’t think of anyone better suited to help us with Aubrey.”
“Oh, Payne.” Her eyes filled with tears, and I hugged her.
“We’re family, Emma. You and me and Jamie and Aubrey. And maybe, in time, Russ can be a part of that family too, but for now, the four of us will take care of one another.”
I pulled back from the embrace, and Emma wiped the tears from her eyes as Jamie stepped back into the room. I stood, holding out my hand, which he easily accepted.
“You okay, baby?” I searched his eyes as I asked, and he nodded, squeezing my hand, but I knew that was mostly for his mother’s sake, because no, he wasn’t okay. None of us were. The grief was still too raw. The shock hadn’t completely faded. The weeks and months ahead would certainly be a roller coaster of emotions, but what I had said to Emma was true. We were family. And somehow, someway, we would stand together and survive the grief and other tangled emotions, because Aubrey needed us, and neither Matt nor Ava would have wanted us to become lost in the trauma of losing them. Life could and would go on, and we had to live it.
Jamie
The area the funeral home provided for the actual service was standing room only as family and friends gathered to pay respects to Matt and Ava.
While the priest spoke, I sat between my mother and Payne, each of them holding my hand, and honestly, I was grateful, because I felt certain an emotional meltdown was imminent, and gods, but I wanted to avoid that. I had to. My mother needed me to be strong, and when it was my turn to speak, I wanted to do Ava and Matt justice. They deserved a proper and loving tribute. I didn’t want to fail them, but I hated public speaking. Sorry, Ava, you know I suck at this . Again, I could almost hear her telling me to suck it up already, and I smiled a little, but the smile faded quickly when the priest announced I would like to say a few words.
Drawing in a breath, I stood and glanced at Payne, finding strength in his eyes.
Slowly, I made my way to the front of the overly crowded room, and I looked around at the sea of faces stained with tears and realized the grief I felt was shared by everyone I could see.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly should be said about Ava and Matt, but I realize there isn’t anything I can say about either of them that all of you don’t already know. The fact that you are here tells me you loved my sister and her husband as much as I did. And that’s really a wonderful thing. I can look around this room and see lives Ava and
“He’s struggling,” I admitted, “because this leaves him feeling exposed, and you know he hates being vulnerable.”
“I know.”
“But he’s also strong, and I know he’ll be able to balance his grief with what comes next.”
“You mean adjusting to having Aubrey,” Emma said.
I nodded. “It will be a big adjustment, but we’re both honored that Ava and Matt would trust us with something so precious.”
“I think they made a wonderful decision, because you and Jamie are wonderful, and I truly believe you will love Aubrey and give her the most amazing life.” Emma managed a smile, but her eyes were still sad as we sat there, her hand in mine. “Look, I don’t want to say or do anything that could undermine the plans you and Jamie have, and I do believe you two will make incredible parents, but if possible, I would like to come to New York. For just a little while. I would stay in a motel, or find a temporary apartment, but I… well, I would like to help you and Jamie with all the arrangements for Aubrey, and to be honest, I need time away from Russ while he works to get his life put back together.”
“Emma, you will not stay at a motel, and yes, you can come with us. Jamie and I have already discussed it, and we intended to talk to you about returning to New York with us.”
“Really?”
“I think the time away will do you good, and I can’t think of anyone better suited to help us with Aubrey.”
“Oh, Payne.” Her eyes filled with tears, and I hugged her.
“We’re family, Emma. You and me and Jamie and Aubrey. And maybe, in time, Russ can be a part of that family too, but for now, the four of us will take care of one another.”
I pulled back from the embrace, and Emma wiped the tears from her eyes as Jamie stepped back into the room. I stood, holding out my hand, which he easily accepted.
“You okay, baby?” I searched his eyes as I asked, and he nodded, squeezing my hand, but I knew that was mostly for his mother’s sake, because no, he wasn’t okay. None of us were. The grief was still too raw. The shock hadn’t completely faded. The weeks and months ahead would certainly be a roller coaster of emotions, but what I had said to Emma was true. We were family. And somehow, someway, we would stand together and survive the grief and other tangled emotions, because Aubrey needed us, and neither Matt nor Ava would have wanted us to become lost in the trauma of losing them. Life could and would go on, and we had to live it.
Jamie
The area the funeral home provided for the actual service was standing room only as family and friends gathered to pay respects to Matt and Ava.
While the priest spoke, I sat between my mother and Payne, each of them holding my hand, and honestly, I was grateful, because I felt certain an emotional meltdown was imminent, and gods, but I wanted to avoid that. I had to. My mother needed me to be strong, and when it was my turn to speak, I wanted to do Ava and Matt justice. They deserved a proper and loving tribute. I didn’t want to fail them, but I hated public speaking. Sorry, Ava, you know I suck at this . Again, I could almost hear her telling me to suck it up already, and I smiled a little, but the smile faded quickly when the priest announced I would like to say a few words.
Drawing in a breath, I stood and glanced at Payne, finding strength in his eyes.
Slowly, I made my way to the front of the overly crowded room, and I looked around at the sea of faces stained with tears and realized the grief I felt was shared by everyone I could see.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly should be said about Ava and Matt, but I realize there isn’t anything I can say about either of them that all of you don’t already know. The fact that you are here tells me you loved my sister and her husband as much as I did. And that’s really a wonderful thing. I can look around this room and see lives Ava and
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