was already a whole fucking change she didn’t ask for and with her past, shit, I prayed she wouldn’t dive back into that mess. She was young then, she had grown up a lot since but still, she used to be an addict. From what I had heard about former drug addicts, they could never forget how good they had felt, and that one time was all they needed to fall off the wagon.
As I entered our room, the ring of my phone startled me. Bekka was calling.
“Hey.” I whispered and tiptoed away from Nix, careful not to wake her up.
“How is she?”
“Sleeping.” I sighed. “She was with Brian for ten minutes last night and when she returned, she was trembling and became so hyper. You saw the video.”
“If it was drugs, she’ll probably cry when she wakes up. That’s how she was back then. She’s not stupid, Levi.”
“Fuck, I know. I never said she was.”
“I know, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t see a reason why she would do that shit again but, she felt the pressure or maybe she didn’t even know. Maybe they put it in her drink.”
“I have no idea, Bek. I don’t want her to see him again. Hell to the fucking no.” I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Pissed didn’t cover how mad I was or the anger I felt. Everything inside me boiled to the point of exploding.
“Babe?” Phoenix called my name.
“She’s awake, I’ll call you back.”
I threw my phone on the couch on my way to the bed. “Nix, are you okay?” The anger disappeared when I heard her voice. I had to be there for her.
The silence in the hotel room sent shivers to my body. Bekka said she would cry, but Nix was silent, in a numb kind of way.
“I never thought this day would happen, Levi.” A sob escaped. “It had been eight years and 6 months since I had my last Ecstasy.”
“Oh no, baby. I don’t know what to tell you.” I sucked at this, but I refused to give up. No matter what she had done, it didn’t change anything for me.
“I... I... screwed up big time. Look, my hands are still shaking.” Her eyes, her voice, everything about her told me how freaked out she was.
“What happened when you went backstage?”
“They had a buffet of pills in a Ziploc bag. Every type, every color. They all took something, and then Alexander gave me the bag and I was suddenly back in high school with the pain, the need to fit in and all the drugs surrounding me. I didn’t have time to process anything, I took one or two, I don’t remember.”
“Nix, come here.” I opened my arms to hold her. My mind was running a hundred miles an hour. “I’ll help you, babe, okay? You can trust me, tell me how you feel. What do you want to do now?” FUCK! I wanted to scream and hurt Brian so badly.
She leaned against me and draped her arms around me. For some reasons, she felt so small, so fragile. I wanted my strong Nix back. Tears were menacing my eyes but shit, I didn’t want to cry.
“I think I’m going to take a shower, it’ll make me feel better, it always does.”
I lift her into my arms, she chuckled through the tears. “I can walk, Levi.”
“I know you can, but let me take care of you, okay?” Her response never came, but her arms tightened around me and that was enough.
When I faced the bath, I expected her to let go and stepped in but she didn’t. Her body was trembling and glued to mine. I stepped inside with her, fully dressed and had the water running. Her cries became more subtle and slowly, she calmed down. Her hold on me never stopped, I was her stability, her force.
“How are you feeling now? Physically?”
“My stomach is all in knots and my head is killing me but that could be because of all the crying.”
“Are you having a migraine?” I wondered if she had her migraine medication with her.
“A small one, don’t worry. It’ll be okay.”
How could I not worry? I wanted Bekka here to help me deal with all of this.
“Do you want to head back home?”
She nodded her head yes. “We’re
As I entered our room, the ring of my phone startled me. Bekka was calling.
“Hey.” I whispered and tiptoed away from Nix, careful not to wake her up.
“How is she?”
“Sleeping.” I sighed. “She was with Brian for ten minutes last night and when she returned, she was trembling and became so hyper. You saw the video.”
“If it was drugs, she’ll probably cry when she wakes up. That’s how she was back then. She’s not stupid, Levi.”
“Fuck, I know. I never said she was.”
“I know, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t see a reason why she would do that shit again but, she felt the pressure or maybe she didn’t even know. Maybe they put it in her drink.”
“I have no idea, Bek. I don’t want her to see him again. Hell to the fucking no.” I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Pissed didn’t cover how mad I was or the anger I felt. Everything inside me boiled to the point of exploding.
“Babe?” Phoenix called my name.
“She’s awake, I’ll call you back.”
I threw my phone on the couch on my way to the bed. “Nix, are you okay?” The anger disappeared when I heard her voice. I had to be there for her.
The silence in the hotel room sent shivers to my body. Bekka said she would cry, but Nix was silent, in a numb kind of way.
“I never thought this day would happen, Levi.” A sob escaped. “It had been eight years and 6 months since I had my last Ecstasy.”
“Oh no, baby. I don’t know what to tell you.” I sucked at this, but I refused to give up. No matter what she had done, it didn’t change anything for me.
“I... I... screwed up big time. Look, my hands are still shaking.” Her eyes, her voice, everything about her told me how freaked out she was.
“What happened when you went backstage?”
“They had a buffet of pills in a Ziploc bag. Every type, every color. They all took something, and then Alexander gave me the bag and I was suddenly back in high school with the pain, the need to fit in and all the drugs surrounding me. I didn’t have time to process anything, I took one or two, I don’t remember.”
“Nix, come here.” I opened my arms to hold her. My mind was running a hundred miles an hour. “I’ll help you, babe, okay? You can trust me, tell me how you feel. What do you want to do now?” FUCK! I wanted to scream and hurt Brian so badly.
She leaned against me and draped her arms around me. For some reasons, she felt so small, so fragile. I wanted my strong Nix back. Tears were menacing my eyes but shit, I didn’t want to cry.
“I think I’m going to take a shower, it’ll make me feel better, it always does.”
I lift her into my arms, she chuckled through the tears. “I can walk, Levi.”
“I know you can, but let me take care of you, okay?” Her response never came, but her arms tightened around me and that was enough.
When I faced the bath, I expected her to let go and stepped in but she didn’t. Her body was trembling and glued to mine. I stepped inside with her, fully dressed and had the water running. Her cries became more subtle and slowly, she calmed down. Her hold on me never stopped, I was her stability, her force.
“How are you feeling now? Physically?”
“My stomach is all in knots and my head is killing me but that could be because of all the crying.”
“Are you having a migraine?” I wondered if she had her migraine medication with her.
“A small one, don’t worry. It’ll be okay.”
How could I not worry? I wanted Bekka here to help me deal with all of this.
“Do you want to head back home?”
She nodded her head yes. “We’re
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