means he's bigger. He went off and became a man since the last time I saw him."
"Why would you ever say something like that?" I asked, which only made her laugh more. "I was already regretting everything, and now you're torturing me with this."
"Are you serious?" she asked.
"Not really," I said, since it wasn't like me to be dramatic about things like that. "I guess I just thought about him and was hoping we could connect."
"Well, I don't see why you couldn't connect," she said. "He's probably got the same phone number if you want to call him. I just thought you should know there's a Britney."
"That pretty much stinks," I said dryly.
"I'm glad to see you're over that other scuzbag, anyway," she said.
I stared at the road for a second, thinking about Marcus and all the time I wasted with him. "I should have never gone to Austin," I said.
My mom, who could hear my side of the conversation, reached out to rub my leg comfortingly, but I didn't look at her for fear that I'd cry.
"Don't say that," Claire said. "We all make choices. It is what it is."
"Yeah, and now there's a Britney."
"You're just reminiscing about Ryan because you're in Lafayette," she said. "There's plenty of fish in New Orleans. And by fish I mean guys."
I sighed. "Yep," I agreed, since I knew that's what she wanted to hear. "All right, I'll see you later tonight."
"I'll head that way now so I can stop by my mom's," Claire said. "Call me when you pull up at your mom's."
"I will," I promised.
I hung up the phone, and silent tears began streaming down my face. I did my very best to hold them back, but my body was unwilling to cooperate. My face contorted and I turned to the side wiping my cheeks so my mother wouldn't see.
My attempt to hide my tears was in vain. "Honeyyy," Mom cooed, looking at me from over the console.
"It's not that big of a deal," I said. "I'm just a little fragile right now, that's all."
"I know you are, baby. Why don't you just give your heart a little time to heal? This Marcus thing is still fresh."
"It's not that I just want a boyfriend," I said wiping at my face. "I just felt like Ryan was in my heart all of a sudden. It was that storm, and then these thoughts I had, and it all culminated with me thinking about Ryan, and thinking my road would lead to him. Obviously, it was stupid for me to get my hopes up. It's been two years since I've seen him."
"Just give your heart a little time to heal, baby," my mom repeated. "God's got someone picked out for you. Just be patient."
I nodded, but I knew I wouldn't be able to leave it alone. I knew myself well enough to know that I'd end up trying to contact Ryan, even if only to apologize.
***
It was 7PM when we arrived at my parents' house. We knew we'd be getting there at roughly that time, so Aunt Debbie made dinner and brought it by for us. She sent my cousin, Cam, actually. We were making loads from the trailer to the house when he pulled into the driveway and got out of his truck, balancing covered dishes.
"Red beans and cornbread," he said, with a wide smile aimed at me as he lifted the dishes.
"Yumm," I said, even though I wasn't hungry.
"You look like you could use a little cornbread and some beans," he said, leaning in to hug me even though his arms were full.
I didn't have a box in my hands at the moment, so I wrapped my hands around his waist and gave him a squeeze before taking one of the dishes he was carrying.
"Glad you're home," he said as we started walking toward the side door of the house.
I smiled at him. "Me too," I said.
"I don't need to go beat anybody up, do I?" he asked, inspecting my appearance as if trying to gauge how sad I was.
"No, no, no, no, no," I said, acting maybe a little too casual. "We just, uh, broke up for mutual reasons or whatever."
"Okaaay," Cam said a little skeptically.
We came inside and set the dishes onto the counter. I turned as my parents came from down the hall. "We're just stacking everything in the dining room for
"Why would you ever say something like that?" I asked, which only made her laugh more. "I was already regretting everything, and now you're torturing me with this."
"Are you serious?" she asked.
"Not really," I said, since it wasn't like me to be dramatic about things like that. "I guess I just thought about him and was hoping we could connect."
"Well, I don't see why you couldn't connect," she said. "He's probably got the same phone number if you want to call him. I just thought you should know there's a Britney."
"That pretty much stinks," I said dryly.
"I'm glad to see you're over that other scuzbag, anyway," she said.
I stared at the road for a second, thinking about Marcus and all the time I wasted with him. "I should have never gone to Austin," I said.
My mom, who could hear my side of the conversation, reached out to rub my leg comfortingly, but I didn't look at her for fear that I'd cry.
"Don't say that," Claire said. "We all make choices. It is what it is."
"Yeah, and now there's a Britney."
"You're just reminiscing about Ryan because you're in Lafayette," she said. "There's plenty of fish in New Orleans. And by fish I mean guys."
I sighed. "Yep," I agreed, since I knew that's what she wanted to hear. "All right, I'll see you later tonight."
"I'll head that way now so I can stop by my mom's," Claire said. "Call me when you pull up at your mom's."
"I will," I promised.
I hung up the phone, and silent tears began streaming down my face. I did my very best to hold them back, but my body was unwilling to cooperate. My face contorted and I turned to the side wiping my cheeks so my mother wouldn't see.
My attempt to hide my tears was in vain. "Honeyyy," Mom cooed, looking at me from over the console.
"It's not that big of a deal," I said. "I'm just a little fragile right now, that's all."
"I know you are, baby. Why don't you just give your heart a little time to heal? This Marcus thing is still fresh."
"It's not that I just want a boyfriend," I said wiping at my face. "I just felt like Ryan was in my heart all of a sudden. It was that storm, and then these thoughts I had, and it all culminated with me thinking about Ryan, and thinking my road would lead to him. Obviously, it was stupid for me to get my hopes up. It's been two years since I've seen him."
"Just give your heart a little time to heal, baby," my mom repeated. "God's got someone picked out for you. Just be patient."
I nodded, but I knew I wouldn't be able to leave it alone. I knew myself well enough to know that I'd end up trying to contact Ryan, even if only to apologize.
***
It was 7PM when we arrived at my parents' house. We knew we'd be getting there at roughly that time, so Aunt Debbie made dinner and brought it by for us. She sent my cousin, Cam, actually. We were making loads from the trailer to the house when he pulled into the driveway and got out of his truck, balancing covered dishes.
"Red beans and cornbread," he said, with a wide smile aimed at me as he lifted the dishes.
"Yumm," I said, even though I wasn't hungry.
"You look like you could use a little cornbread and some beans," he said, leaning in to hug me even though his arms were full.
I didn't have a box in my hands at the moment, so I wrapped my hands around his waist and gave him a squeeze before taking one of the dishes he was carrying.
"Glad you're home," he said as we started walking toward the side door of the house.
I smiled at him. "Me too," I said.
"I don't need to go beat anybody up, do I?" he asked, inspecting my appearance as if trying to gauge how sad I was.
"No, no, no, no, no," I said, acting maybe a little too casual. "We just, uh, broke up for mutual reasons or whatever."
"Okaaay," Cam said a little skeptically.
We came inside and set the dishes onto the counter. I turned as my parents came from down the hall. "We're just stacking everything in the dining room for
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