My Teacher Is an Alien by Bruce Coville

room, but the others were all bent over their desks, working busily away.
    I turned back to my work, trying to figure out what was going on. But even the weird stuff that had happened so far hadn't prepared me for what came next.
    "You pig-faced baboon!" yelled a familiar voice.
    Stacy? Stacy Benoit? The girl most likely to be declared a saint while still living?
    I turned around and saw Stacy standing beside her desk, shouting at Mike Foran—the only kid I had ever heard of who had never, I mean NEVER, gotten in trouble with a teacher.
    "Shut up!" yelled Mike. "Shut up, you creep!"
    When Stacy slapped him across the face I almost fell out of my chair. Of course, Stacy couldn't slap that well, having never done it before. So it was kind of a wimpy little slap. But this was Stacy Benoit, for heaven's sakes.
    "Stacy!" yelled Mr. Smith, who was sitting at the back of the room with a reading group. "Michael! What is going on up there?"
    He started for the front of the room. But he was too late. When Stacy slapped Mike, he jumped up so fast he knocked his desk over. His face was red. I didn't realize until later it was from stage fright.
    "You mother wears—uh, uh—your mother wears—"
    I wanted to prompt him. It was pathetic to see the nicest kid in the class try to come up with a withering insult, and even more pathetic when he finally finished up with, "your mother wears polyester!"
    But it seemed to do the trick. Stacy began to shriek in outrage.
     
     
    Mr. Smith reached them just in time to keep them from going for each other's throats.
    "The rest of you stay in your seats," he ordered. "I'll be back in a minute."
    Then he walked out the door, dragging the two best-behaved kids in sixth grade along with him. They were kicking and screaming every step of the way.
    I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was sure I was awake. So what was going on? Was this the same planet I had gone to sleep on?
    I couldn't wait for recess so I could talk to Peter.
     

     

 

     
     
Microsoft Corporation

CHAPTER THIRTEEN - Rumors
     
    "Stacy and Mike did a good job, didn't they?" said Peter, when we got together on the playground at recess.
    "What are you talking about?" I asked.
    "Stacy and Mike. Didn't you think that fight they put on was pretty good?"
    "The fight they put onl" I echoed.
    Peter sounded impatient. "Stacy and Mike are afraid Broxholm will decide one of them is the best kid in the class and then try to kidnap whichever one he chooses. So they decided to fake a fight— you know, mess up their reputations a little."
    All of a sudden everything came clear. "That's why Duncan brought Mr. Smith an apple this morning!" I said.
    Peter giggled. "Pathetic, isn't it? But it might work. Right now Duncan is a sure pick for worst
    kid in the class. But if he works really hard, he might actually manage to pull himself off the bottom of the list. Since he knows that no matter what he does, he's never going to push himself into the most average category, if he can improve at all, he's probably safe. The problem is, he's been so bad all year that it's going to take a major effort to get out of the bottom spot."
    Peter paused, then added, "I intend to have some fun with him over the next three days."
    Three days! That was all the time we had before Broxholm was scheduled to kidnap five of us into space.
    "That's not very nice," I started to say.
    But then I remembered the way Duncan had tormented Peter for the last six years. I decided I couldn't blame .Peter if he wanted to get a little of his own back while he could. Any decision to be a nice guy about this was going to have to come from inside himself.
    I decided to change the subject. "Tell me," I said. "Just how did they know about all this?"
    "I told them," said Peter.
    "And they believed you?"
    Actually, it made sense. If they were going to believe anyone, it would be Peter. He had a reputation as being the most honest kid in the class, which was one of his problems. He didn't