eventually earn a degree in criminal justice, which somehow only helped inspire a more deranged aspect of my interest in her.
Paula was born in Stamford, rarely left and had only been to New York a handful of times as she obviously led a somewhat sheltered existence. Furthermore, she was the only employee at the restaurant still completely unaware of Randy’s true sexual orientation and, for a variety of reasons, rather than fill her in on the details her coworkers preferred to remain silent and allow her to eventually figure things out for herself. Honestly, though, I found her naivety to be entirely refreshing and at first, that only intensified my attraction to her. Unfortunately, however, ALL of my plans for Paula were laid to waste when we had our first significant discussion which, not surprisingly, centered upon Randy.
“He’s a GREAT guy,” she said while we were folding napkins and getting ready for the dinner rush. “I know it’s really this environment that does it to him.”
“Does
what
to him?”
“Well, I mean, he supposedly moved here to get away from all the partying back in New York but I know for a fact he still drinks and smokes
a lot
of dope.”
“Practically everyone here drinks and smokes weed and believe it or not, Randy used to be way worse,” I told her.
“And as much as I liked him at first,” she said as she continued with her talking points, “I finally realized that Jack is just a
terrible
influence on him! I’m sorry, I know he’s a friend of yours, but I really care about Randy and I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.”
“They’re
both
friends of mine. And honestly, Jack’s a lunatic but he’s really a good guy when you get to know him.”
“Jack is not a good guy.”
“ You don’t know him,” I told her as I was suddenly less intrigued with the notion of conquering that wild and unruly frontier.
“I know him well enough to know he needs to go away. He’s an
enabler
. Every night he’s dragging Randy off to Calloway’s with the rest of you freaks.”
“That’s not really accurate and even if it was—it’s not that simple.”
“Of course it is! Life is full of people that need to be eliminated.”
“Trust me, Jack isn’t going anywhere,” I told her. “They’ve known each other for years.”
“Listen, I know you guys have all known each other for a while but Randy’s different. He’s a beautiful, vulnerable, soul—and you guys need to give him some space and stop being such negative influences on him!”
“Wow, Paula! What’s it like to have the inside scoop on people you barely know?”
“I know Randy well enough not to sit by and watch him unravel!” she said as the tone of our conversation had taken a decidedly different turn. “Listen, I know you have demons you’re battling like all the other fuck-ups around here, but just don’t drag him down with you.”
“You know, you know, you know, you know, you know.”
“Randy shouldn’t be running around every night smoking dope and chugging down Long Island iced teas! It’s not like it was back in New York!”
“You’re right! Back in New York he was smoking crack and chugging down dicks.”
“WHAT?!?”
“Oh, you didn’t
know
? Well now you fucking know! And by the way—if you’re gonna talk shit you might wanna learn the proper terminologies because
we
smoke POT and besides—I think you’re confusing my readers.”
“Huh?”
“Nevermind! All you need to know is that the word ‘dope,’ at least in
this
particular context refers to one thing and one thing only and that’s heroin . People who refer to anything else as
dope
are usually people who talk a lot of shit but know very little about drugs—
like fucking cops
.”
“Well then good for them!”
“Yes, indeed, Paula—good for
them
. But if
you’re
gonna insist on
inserting yourself in
our
midst and talking about
our
shit, then maybe you should stop teasing me with your verbiage and get it
Paula was born in Stamford, rarely left and had only been to New York a handful of times as she obviously led a somewhat sheltered existence. Furthermore, she was the only employee at the restaurant still completely unaware of Randy’s true sexual orientation and, for a variety of reasons, rather than fill her in on the details her coworkers preferred to remain silent and allow her to eventually figure things out for herself. Honestly, though, I found her naivety to be entirely refreshing and at first, that only intensified my attraction to her. Unfortunately, however, ALL of my plans for Paula were laid to waste when we had our first significant discussion which, not surprisingly, centered upon Randy.
“He’s a GREAT guy,” she said while we were folding napkins and getting ready for the dinner rush. “I know it’s really this environment that does it to him.”
“Does
what
to him?”
“Well, I mean, he supposedly moved here to get away from all the partying back in New York but I know for a fact he still drinks and smokes
a lot
of dope.”
“Practically everyone here drinks and smokes weed and believe it or not, Randy used to be way worse,” I told her.
“And as much as I liked him at first,” she said as she continued with her talking points, “I finally realized that Jack is just a
terrible
influence on him! I’m sorry, I know he’s a friend of yours, but I really care about Randy and I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.”
“They’re
both
friends of mine. And honestly, Jack’s a lunatic but he’s really a good guy when you get to know him.”
“Jack is not a good guy.”
“ You don’t know him,” I told her as I was suddenly less intrigued with the notion of conquering that wild and unruly frontier.
“I know him well enough to know he needs to go away. He’s an
enabler
. Every night he’s dragging Randy off to Calloway’s with the rest of you freaks.”
“That’s not really accurate and even if it was—it’s not that simple.”
“Of course it is! Life is full of people that need to be eliminated.”
“Trust me, Jack isn’t going anywhere,” I told her. “They’ve known each other for years.”
“Listen, I know you guys have all known each other for a while but Randy’s different. He’s a beautiful, vulnerable, soul—and you guys need to give him some space and stop being such negative influences on him!”
“Wow, Paula! What’s it like to have the inside scoop on people you barely know?”
“I know Randy well enough not to sit by and watch him unravel!” she said as the tone of our conversation had taken a decidedly different turn. “Listen, I know you have demons you’re battling like all the other fuck-ups around here, but just don’t drag him down with you.”
“You know, you know, you know, you know, you know.”
“Randy shouldn’t be running around every night smoking dope and chugging down Long Island iced teas! It’s not like it was back in New York!”
“You’re right! Back in New York he was smoking crack and chugging down dicks.”
“WHAT?!?”
“Oh, you didn’t
know
? Well now you fucking know! And by the way—if you’re gonna talk shit you might wanna learn the proper terminologies because
we
smoke POT and besides—I think you’re confusing my readers.”
“Huh?”
“Nevermind! All you need to know is that the word ‘dope,’ at least in
this
particular context refers to one thing and one thing only and that’s heroin . People who refer to anything else as
dope
are usually people who talk a lot of shit but know very little about drugs—
like fucking cops
.”
“Well then good for them!”
“Yes, indeed, Paula—good for
them
. But if
you’re
gonna insist on
inserting yourself in
our
midst and talking about
our
shit, then maybe you should stop teasing me with your verbiage and get it
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