Never Say Never by Victoria Christopher Murray Page A

kisses healed boo-boos, they did nothing for brokenhearts.
    â€œSo, how are you, honey?”
    Surely that was a rhetorical question. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe my best friend wanted to know that I wanted to die right now. Maybe she wanted to know that if I didn’t have children, I would already have taken a Costco-size bottle of sleeping pills and joined Chauncey in paradise.
    Then Emily quickly spoke, as if she read my mind through the phone. “We’re on our way, Miriam. We were just waiting for you to get up.”
    â€œNo, you don’t have to come over,” I said before I added the lie, “I’m fine, and I know you guys have things to do.”
    â€œThe only thing we have to do is be there and do what we’ve always done for one another.”
    I glanced at the clock and it was barely seven. They had left only a few hours ago, but there was no talking Emily out of her plan. Once she made a decision, she never changed it.
    â€œWe’ll see you in a little while,” she said. “Love you.”
    â€œMean it,” I said, ending the call the way we always did. I hung up and breathed, relieved.
    The truth was, I wanted Emily and Jamal there. I needed them to help me fill in the blanks until Mama Cee and Charlie arrived.
    I tiptoed back into the bedroom. All I wanted to do was crawl into the bed and pull the covers over my and my children’s heads. But I had to be the grown-up here.
    I grabbed fresh underwear from my dresser drawer, then went into the bathroom. Slipping out of the sweatpants and shirt that I’d changed into last night, I took a quick shower, then went about my regimen as if life hadn’t changed. Brushed my teeth, twisted my hair into a bun, then slipped into my bra and panties. I glanced at the sweatpants that I’d just left on the floor, and after a moment, pickedthem up and jumped right back into them. The best anyone was going to get out of me today was clean underwear.
    Before I left the bathroom, I glanced at myself in the mirror. Yesterday, I would’ve said that this was the best I could do as a mommy. Today, this was the best I could do as a widow.
    A widow.
    That word stopped me cold. I was really a widow, really a woman who’d lost the love of her life.
    Thank God the doorbell rang before that thought settled too much in my mind. I scurried from the bathroom, rushed to the front of the house, and then I took a deep breath before I pulled open the door.
    I tried my best to lighten my voice. “I need to give you guys a key, huh?” This time, my heart allowed my smile to remain for a few seconds.
    Emily smiled back as she hugged me, then she passed me to Jamal and he did the same. Jamal held me a little longer, as if he knew that I needed to feel the strength of a man’s arms around me.
    â€œHow are you?” Emily asked.
    Then, I have no idea what happened. The dam broke and tears gushed out.
    â€œOh, Miriam,” Emily said as she put her arms around me again and led me to the sofa.
    â€œI’m sorry,” I said, and tucked my sobs back inside. “I don’t know what happened. I’ve been doing so well.”
    â€œYou don’t have to do well, honey. You don’t have to hold anything in.”
    Emily and I sat, and Jamal stood in front of us, shifting from one foot to the other. For the first time, I really looked at him and saw the reddened rims of his eyes.
    He said, “Uh . . . are the boys asleep?”
    I nodded. “They’re still in my bedroom and I didn’t want to wake them up.”
    Jamal’s eyes moved between me and Emily. He finally settled on Emily when he said, “I’m gonna go check on them,” before he left us alone.
    I shook my head. “Em, how am I going to do this?”
    â€œIt’s going to be hard. And I can’t say that I know how you feel, but I do know that you’re going to be able to do it. With your friends, with