you’re not having an affair, then where are you? You come home freshly showered — I can tell, you know. I know the smell of you after a day, and it’s all gone. All clean. Not even your usual aftershave. You have to tell me, Tom, or I’ll go mad.’
‘I can’t.’ She looked at him again then. His face was pinched and once more closed against her. ‘Rosa, you just have to accept that I can’t tell you. You have to trust me that it’s got nothing to do with you, that I’m not being unfaithful. It’s just a problem I have to work through myself, and I need to be away from you to do it.’
‘You’re asking too much, Tom,’ she said softly. ‘I simply don’t believe you.’
He made a helpless gesture, knocking the table and spilling coffee from the cup he’d hardly tasted. ‘Then I don’t know what to do,’ he said.
‘You leave. You go away, now, today and sort yourself out.’ It seemed to her that someone else was speaking in her voice. She had not intended this. ‘Take all the time you need to be alone and work through you r proble m .’ She got up, feeling stiff in every muscle, and headed for the house. ‘I’m going to the shops,’ she said. ‘I want you gone when I get back.’
Inside, she leant against the wall and took deep gasping breaths through her open mouth. She waited a few minutes, but he didn’t come after her.
*
‘Diana, I have to see you, tonight.’ Tom sat in his room at the university, his small suitcase on the floor beside him. ‘I’ve left Rosa. She’s kicked me out.’
‘I told you not to call me here.’ Her voice was unfriendly.
‘I can’t see you tonight. Your marital problems aren’t my affair, Tom. I’ll see you on Friday, as we arranged.’
‘I thought ... I thought perhaps I could stay at the flat, in the spare room, while ...’
‘No. Find yourself a motel. I have to go. See you Friday.’ Her voice softened. ‘I’ve got a surprise I think you’ll like ...’ He heard the click of the phone being replaced on its rest. She’d hung up. Through his frustration and despair he felt a frisson at the thought of the surprise. He looked at his watch. He had a lecture in five minutes, on the concept of good and evil, his own subject — the students used his book as a text for this course. He’d intended to go through the recent newspaper reports, get some of the gorier crime stories to illustrate his argument, but he hadn’t had time. He’d just give the same lecture he gave last year, the same old line, he could do that on auto-pilot, he thought, and he’d have to today. He got up and found the folder of the previous year’s notes and skimmed them as he started to walk towards the theatre.
‘So, is killing another human being evil?’ Tom asked, looking over his reading glasses at the crowded lecture hall. ‘Well? What do you think?’
A few murmurs of assent reached him. ‘Always?’ he said. ‘In every case?’ He pointed at a young man in the front row, from one of his own tutorial classes. ‘Tell me, Derek.’
‘Not always,’ the student said, embarrassed. ‘It depends on the circumstances.’
‘In what circumstances isn’t it evil, then?’ He pointed at another student, a woman.
‘Well, where there’s real provocation, I suppose,’ she said. ‘Where it’s self-defence, or defending your children, or ...’ She trailed off.
‘What about war?’ he asked. ‘What if you’re just obeying orders?’
Someone muttered, ‘Nuremberg,’ someone who’d read his book, he assumed. He nodded, acknowledging it. ‘And what if the killer has his or her own personal reasons which mightn’t make sense to anyone else? What about a serial killer who sincerely believes all black people are agents of the devil. Is he evil when he kills black people? By his own lights he’s doing a good thing. It’s what I want you to think about for your next tutorial,’ he said, glancing at the clock. He liked to leave them with a puzzle, it was
‘I can’t.’ She looked at him again then. His face was pinched and once more closed against her. ‘Rosa, you just have to accept that I can’t tell you. You have to trust me that it’s got nothing to do with you, that I’m not being unfaithful. It’s just a problem I have to work through myself, and I need to be away from you to do it.’
‘You’re asking too much, Tom,’ she said softly. ‘I simply don’t believe you.’
He made a helpless gesture, knocking the table and spilling coffee from the cup he’d hardly tasted. ‘Then I don’t know what to do,’ he said.
‘You leave. You go away, now, today and sort yourself out.’ It seemed to her that someone else was speaking in her voice. She had not intended this. ‘Take all the time you need to be alone and work through you r proble m .’ She got up, feeling stiff in every muscle, and headed for the house. ‘I’m going to the shops,’ she said. ‘I want you gone when I get back.’
Inside, she leant against the wall and took deep gasping breaths through her open mouth. She waited a few minutes, but he didn’t come after her.
*
‘Diana, I have to see you, tonight.’ Tom sat in his room at the university, his small suitcase on the floor beside him. ‘I’ve left Rosa. She’s kicked me out.’
‘I told you not to call me here.’ Her voice was unfriendly.
‘I can’t see you tonight. Your marital problems aren’t my affair, Tom. I’ll see you on Friday, as we arranged.’
‘I thought ... I thought perhaps I could stay at the flat, in the spare room, while ...’
‘No. Find yourself a motel. I have to go. See you Friday.’ Her voice softened. ‘I’ve got a surprise I think you’ll like ...’ He heard the click of the phone being replaced on its rest. She’d hung up. Through his frustration and despair he felt a frisson at the thought of the surprise. He looked at his watch. He had a lecture in five minutes, on the concept of good and evil, his own subject — the students used his book as a text for this course. He’d intended to go through the recent newspaper reports, get some of the gorier crime stories to illustrate his argument, but he hadn’t had time. He’d just give the same lecture he gave last year, the same old line, he could do that on auto-pilot, he thought, and he’d have to today. He got up and found the folder of the previous year’s notes and skimmed them as he started to walk towards the theatre.
‘So, is killing another human being evil?’ Tom asked, looking over his reading glasses at the crowded lecture hall. ‘Well? What do you think?’
A few murmurs of assent reached him. ‘Always?’ he said. ‘In every case?’ He pointed at a young man in the front row, from one of his own tutorial classes. ‘Tell me, Derek.’
‘Not always,’ the student said, embarrassed. ‘It depends on the circumstances.’
‘In what circumstances isn’t it evil, then?’ He pointed at another student, a woman.
‘Well, where there’s real provocation, I suppose,’ she said. ‘Where it’s self-defence, or defending your children, or ...’ She trailed off.
‘What about war?’ he asked. ‘What if you’re just obeying orders?’
Someone muttered, ‘Nuremberg,’ someone who’d read his book, he assumed. He nodded, acknowledging it. ‘And what if the killer has his or her own personal reasons which mightn’t make sense to anyone else? What about a serial killer who sincerely believes all black people are agents of the devil. Is he evil when he kills black people? By his own lights he’s doing a good thing. It’s what I want you to think about for your next tutorial,’ he said, glancing at the clock. He liked to leave them with a puzzle, it was
Similar Books
