Off the Cuff by Carson Kressley

office, at least rent a locker at the airport or your local bowling alley. They’re cargo pants, they’re not a storage unit.

Drawstring Pants
    These are great for summer, the beach, and vacations. A pair of drawstring pants with a white T-shirt and flip-flops is a wonderful, easy breezy, relaxed kind of look, but drawstring pants probably don’t fill a need other than that. They’re sketchy because they’re a little too close to elastic waistband pants, which are always the wrong answer. They can make you look like you’re wearing pajamas in the middle of the day, which just screams elder care facility, or homelessness, or institutionalization. Not cute. So be careful.

DRESS PANTS
    Although most of America has gone casual, some people still need to get dressed up, either for work or for other settings like dates or nights on the town. Which brings us to the wide world of dress pants or “slacks,” as a lot of old ladies like to call them. (They’re the same ones who call women’s shirts “blouses.”) Here we’re basically talking anything that’s not khaki, cord, or denim.
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    Summer dress pants can made be of linen, lightweight cotton twill, poplin, or seersucker (I love saying that word!), while winter ones might be wool, heavyweight cotton twill, suede, leather, or yes, my favorite, cashmere blend.
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    The great thing about dress pants is you can add a variety of sport coats, sweaters, and patterned shirts to top them off. These will give you tremendous versatility. And you know how we love versatility in the gay community!
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    Generally, you’ll get more bang for your buck if you buy a couple pairs of solid-colored, well-fitting dress pants. No pleats, please. If you have a pair in gray flannel, a pair in black or navy wool, and you throw in a herringbone or tweed pant, you’ll have the ammo to pair them up with interesting shirts and sweaters and make lots of interesting looks. For summer, lighten the color palette to include sand, white, and classic navy.
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    Don’t forget the proper accoutrements. It’s important that you have dress shoes, a dress belt, and a beautiful shirt to go with your dress pants. Sneakers with dress pants and a T-shirt is a cute look for Ashton Kutcher (a former model) or me (a stylist), but it’s definitely not for amateurs. It will inevitably make you look like you’re on your way to the typing pool at IBM. Do they even have typing pools anymore? Discuss.
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    By the way, dress socks go with dress shoes that go with dress pants. They shouldn’t be athletic socks or tube socks. And they shouldn’t be women’s hosiery. Yikes!

SHORTS
    Just like pants, it’s a jungle out there as far as shorts are concerned. But to make it easier on you, my rules for shorts are pretty much the same as my rules for pants: Avoid pleats, and make sure they fit , which includes the fit of the rise and the seat. Stay away from elastic waistbands and drawstrings.
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    To me, shorts are really for weekends and vacations —not for the office. They were conceived for casual country club or beachside living, which is important to remember when you pair them with shoes. Shorts are meant to be worn with a classic tennis shoe, a sandal, flip-flop, driving moc, loafer, or boat shoe. Wearing any other kind of lace-up shoes with shorts is always the wrong answer. The only people who pull it off are the postal workers. And we all know how edgy they are! I also want you to be wary of the shorts, socks, and Birkenstocks look, which inevitably makes you look like a German tourist or a High Times subscriber. If you walk up to a stranger, they’ll think you’re asking for directions to I-95 or to a Phish concert.
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    The final stop on our covering-your-ass journey?
    One of my favorite clothing myths is the idea that wearing baggy clothes will make you look thinner. It will not. You will just look like you