Off the Cuff by Carson Kressley Page B

like the gauge of a train track, or a shotgun. (Like I would know!) The finer the gauge, that is, the skinnier and more delicate the fiber, the dressier the shirts will look. It’s just like the thread count of sheets. The really, really fine expensive sheets with a high thread count are soft and smooth, and the less expensive, lower quality ones are a little more rugged. But there’s a downside to high-quality cotton. Since it’s more delicate, it won’t wear as well or last as long.
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    Ever since America went casual and so many men stopped wearing ties regularly, the sport shirt has become the item with which men can make a fashion statement. That’s why you see a lot of people wearing striped sport shirts with jeans and loafers. I think that’s a perfect date outfit. Throw on a blazer and you’re golden, pony boy. Now, I love that look, but that doesn’t mean you should overdo it. You shouldn’t have eighty striped shirts in your closet just because that’s the current trend. I say get yourself a couple and ride the wave.
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    A general rule of thumb to avoid getting into trouble with your sport shirts is to make sure they’re 100 percent cotton. Two words that freak me out are “wrinkle free.” It’s like Olestra. There’s something about it that’s just not right. Cotton with stretch? Cotton-polyester blends? Not so much. Either your shirts are cotton or they’re not. It’s like being a little bit gay, and we all know you can’t be just a little bit gay.
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    It’s really important to wear sport shirts that fit. Because of our addiction to fast food, many sport shirts are made oversized. I beg you to get the correct size. Your shirt should be loose enough that you can move around comfortably. It shouldn’t be binding or super narrow. On the other hand, if you’ve been busy blasting your delts at the gym (yum!), a shirt might fit you in the shoulders yet be huge and boxy everywhere else. Sturdy and boxy is good when it comes to a Volvo to transport your baby niece Kimber, because that’s precious cargo, but you don’t want your sport shirts to fit like a Volvo. For just five or ten dollars, you can visit your friendly neighborhood tailor and have the shirt taken in on the side seam. You’ll look more fit immediately, without even a visit to that pesky gym.
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    This brings us to another important point: Make sure you try on when shopping. People think a shirt is a shirt is a shirt. It’s not. Each designer or manufacturer sizes their shirts differently. If you really can’t bear to get naked in a public dressing room—no, there aren’t cameras in there, get over your Sliver fantasy—it’s perfectly acceptable to buy it, take it home, and try it on in the comfort of your own home. Then if it doesn’t fit, you can make a day to go back and return it. CAUTION: This requires two trips to the mall. And as we all know, fossil fuels are dwindling. So why not just try it on when you’re at the store? You do the math.
    â€œMAKES YOU GAY ...”
    I’ve said before that I love nothing more than a crisp pink oxford. There appears to be a misconception among my straight brethren that a straight man shouldn’t wear pink shirts because wearing pink makes you gay. I have an important news fuh-lash for you.
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    Wearing pink doesn’t make you gay.
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    Getting a little too “excited” during Wrestlemania , on the other hand, does make you gay.
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    So this got me thinking that I could provide similar helpful advice to separate the fauxmosexuals—so much better than metrosexual, don’t you think?
    Metrosexual sounds like people having sex on the bus!—from the real men.
    Now we get to the actual content of your sport shirt repertoire. One sport shirt you should absolutely have in your closet is an oxford shirt, which can work with everything from a pair of