Paper Cranes by Nicole Hite

alcohol, but fuck, I was stone cold sober and had been for years.
    How had I read the signs so completely wrong?
    “Right, I guess I’ll call you to check on my car tomorrow,” I stated as I did an about face, preparing to bust through the huge mahogany doors. I wanted to run up my stairs, slam the door and listen to Alanis Morrisset or some other angry chick music.
    For the first time all night, I was reminded of my disease. Lee had done such a great job of distracting me, but assuming the only reason he didn’t want to kiss me was for that very reason. It shattered me.
    Was it always going to be like this? Was I going to have to lie to guys in order to get laid?
    I didn’t deserve that kiss, and even if he did give me the kiss, I would have assumed it was forced or even a pity kiss for the sick girl. I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t deserve a happily ever after either. Lee was doing me a favor by protecting me from heartache. So why was I so angry?
    “Kat…”
    “What?” I turned to see his outstretched hand with another crane nestled in his palm.
    As I lifted the molded paper from his hand, he turned and walked away.
    “Never forget that. I’ll wait for your call.”
    Before I could respond or read the wings, he was gone. Just like that. Examining the artwork, I had to admire the craftsmanship. Every line was perfect and every crease was precise. There was a lot of love that had been put into this bird. Someone had truly appreciated it, not to mention the skill it took to have enough patience to perfect each fold.
    Flipping the crane around, the message read as followed:
    “You are worthy.”
    But of what? Compassion? Compliments? Love?
    If so, then why did he leave me? Or was he saying I was worthy of these things and more…just…not with him.
    What total bullshit!

 
    C onfused and miffed, I walked into the house.
    “So how was the group? Did you have a good time?” JoJo asked as she removed her apron from her neck. Clearing her hands of soapsuds, she picked up her waiting mug and made her way into the living room.
    “It was…okay,” I stared into oblivion.
    “Just okay?” she looked puzzled
    “Yeah, it was okay.”
    “What the hell is with you right now? You look completely out of it. Are you having side effects from the Riluzole?”
    “No. No, sorry.”
    “Wait, how did you get home? I totally would have come to get you, but you bolted off the phone.”
    “Lee,” was all I got out as I stared into nothingness.
    “What?”
    “Lee, brought me home.”
    “You mean Mr. Paper Crane?”
    “Yep,” I finally snapped out of it.
    “Wait. What? I am so lost right now. I thought he was the mechanic.”
    “He is, but I guess he volunteers to run the support group as well.”
    “That would sort of explain why he was in the parking lot at the neurologists to begin with.”
    “He gave me another crane,” I grinned, hoping I didn’t look like a total lunatic.
    I cupped the delicate paper in my palms as I presented it to JoJo.
    “What does it say?” she pleaded with anticipation.
    “You are worthy.”
    “Worthy of what?” she screeched as if it were a huge cliffhanger in a book.
    “I’m not exactly sure, but I want to find out.”
    “Mystery. Suspense. I love it,” Jo said mischievously as she rubbed her hands together. “How are you going to find out?”
    “My car wouldn’t start again so he’s towing it to his shop tomorrow. Hopefully I can poke him for more answers.”
    My face fell flat as my heart went from anticipation to melancholy. I could poke him, but it didn’t take away from the fact that he seemed uninterested. Why bother?
    “So why do you look so blue right now?”
    “I think the movies were lying to me. This is not how it was supposed to work. Boy walks me to my door, we have comedic head butt banter and he looks deep in my eyes as we lean in to kiss. Magical and perfect.”
    “I think you’re just a hopeless romantic, sweetheart.”
    “The problem is; my