fuckin’ movie star. Hullawrerr, Big Man, slummin’ it the night, eh! Of all the bastards, eh!” As well as being one of the most accessible grocers in Scotland, my old friend is also one of the most foul-mouthed.
The old lady looked at me briefly, sniffed, and went back to perusing the frozen peas. I recognised her, vaguely, from the old days in the lounge bar in the pub down the road.
“Ah saw you wir back in town,” Ali proclaimed. He sells newspapers, so that came as no surprise. “Fuckin’ big dark horse you, eh. You don’t jist dip yer wick, no’ you. You dip it in the richest bird in Glesca’. Some man, right enough. How’s the wean, onyway?”
“My daughter is very well thank you, Ali. Eight days old and growing more lovely with every passing moment... more than I can say for yourself.”
“Hey there, hey there,” he bellowed, in an almost cautionary tone. “Where did you get the patter? You might be a big shite now, Blackstone, but I kent you when you were just a barn pot round the corner.”
I smiled at him, happily. “Aye, and you still are.”
He reached across and cuffed me lightly round the ear. “Ach, away wi’ ye.” He looked me up and down, as he rang up a packet of Bird’s Eye fish fingers and a box of McCain’s microchips for the old lady. “You put on a bit o’ weight?” he asked.
“I’ve muscled up a bit. I work out.”
“You onna steroids?”
“Nah.” I felt myself lapsing into Ali-speak. “All protein and weights. Speaking of protein, gimme a pound of Lome sausage, half a dozen eggs and four rolls. I’ll take some beer as well, and a pint of milk .. .”
Between us, we filled a box with enough food to keep me going for three or four days. “This still your only shop?” I asked, as he gave me my change.
“Aye, but it’s no’ my only business. I’m in partnership wi’ ma cousin Sinjit; we do outside catering.”
“What kind?”
“Sannies for office meetings, and curries, bahjis, pakora, that sort of stuff; we’re like everyone else around here, making a fuckin’ bomb out of this new parliament. We’re thinkin’ about goin’ after a catering concession in the new building, once it’s finished. Be as fuckin’ rich as you one day, son.”
“In your dreams, pal. I’ll maybe give you some work though; we’ll be having fairly regular meetings in my place up at the Mound. Give me some menus and I’ll take a look at them.”
“Thanks. Ah’ll get Sinjit to call you, if you gie’ me the number.” As I wrote it down, his eyebrows rose. “Hey, how’s that fuckin’ alligator of yours doin’?”
“Iguana, Ali. He’s an iguana; he’s with my nephews now, up in St.
Andrews.”
“Naw, naw. No’ him, Ah ken what he is. Naw, Ah meant that bird of yours, that Prim. Right fuckin’ man-eater she was.”
I frowned at him; anyone else, I might have done more than that, but Ali had always been an extreme liberty-taker. “You are speaking, sir, of my soon to be ex-wife. I would take exception, only you’re right.. . not that I knew it back then.”
“Ah did, but; she had you by the ba’s, that’s for sure.”
“On and off, Ali; on and off. It’s all over now, though.”
“Jist as well. Oh by the way, another bird was asking after you.
Member that lassie you went out wi’ a few years back? Alison.”
I nodded. “Of course I do.”
“She was in here the other day, asking’ after you. She said she wan tit tae get in touch; asked me if Ah hid yir number.”
“Pass it on tae her then. Ah don’t mind. Shit, Ah’ll have to get out of here, or Ah’ll be talkin’ like you all fucking week. See you.”
I picked up the box, making sure that my tins of lager were packed tight, and made a sharp exit.
Twelve.
I’ve looked all over Canada and California for anything that even approximates to the
The old lady looked at me briefly, sniffed, and went back to perusing the frozen peas. I recognised her, vaguely, from the old days in the lounge bar in the pub down the road.
“Ah saw you wir back in town,” Ali proclaimed. He sells newspapers, so that came as no surprise. “Fuckin’ big dark horse you, eh. You don’t jist dip yer wick, no’ you. You dip it in the richest bird in Glesca’. Some man, right enough. How’s the wean, onyway?”
“My daughter is very well thank you, Ali. Eight days old and growing more lovely with every passing moment... more than I can say for yourself.”
“Hey there, hey there,” he bellowed, in an almost cautionary tone. “Where did you get the patter? You might be a big shite now, Blackstone, but I kent you when you were just a barn pot round the corner.”
I smiled at him, happily. “Aye, and you still are.”
He reached across and cuffed me lightly round the ear. “Ach, away wi’ ye.” He looked me up and down, as he rang up a packet of Bird’s Eye fish fingers and a box of McCain’s microchips for the old lady. “You put on a bit o’ weight?” he asked.
“I’ve muscled up a bit. I work out.”
“You onna steroids?”
“Nah.” I felt myself lapsing into Ali-speak. “All protein and weights. Speaking of protein, gimme a pound of Lome sausage, half a dozen eggs and four rolls. I’ll take some beer as well, and a pint of milk .. .”
Between us, we filled a box with enough food to keep me going for three or four days. “This still your only shop?” I asked, as he gave me my change.
“Aye, but it’s no’ my only business. I’m in partnership wi’ ma cousin Sinjit; we do outside catering.”
“What kind?”
“Sannies for office meetings, and curries, bahjis, pakora, that sort of stuff; we’re like everyone else around here, making a fuckin’ bomb out of this new parliament. We’re thinkin’ about goin’ after a catering concession in the new building, once it’s finished. Be as fuckin’ rich as you one day, son.”
“In your dreams, pal. I’ll maybe give you some work though; we’ll be having fairly regular meetings in my place up at the Mound. Give me some menus and I’ll take a look at them.”
“Thanks. Ah’ll get Sinjit to call you, if you gie’ me the number.” As I wrote it down, his eyebrows rose. “Hey, how’s that fuckin’ alligator of yours doin’?”
“Iguana, Ali. He’s an iguana; he’s with my nephews now, up in St.
Andrews.”
“Naw, naw. No’ him, Ah ken what he is. Naw, Ah meant that bird of yours, that Prim. Right fuckin’ man-eater she was.”
I frowned at him; anyone else, I might have done more than that, but Ali had always been an extreme liberty-taker. “You are speaking, sir, of my soon to be ex-wife. I would take exception, only you’re right.. . not that I knew it back then.”
“Ah did, but; she had you by the ba’s, that’s for sure.”
“On and off, Ali; on and off. It’s all over now, though.”
“Jist as well. Oh by the way, another bird was asking after you.
Member that lassie you went out wi’ a few years back? Alison.”
I nodded. “Of course I do.”
“She was in here the other day, asking’ after you. She said she wan tit tae get in touch; asked me if Ah hid yir number.”
“Pass it on tae her then. Ah don’t mind. Shit, Ah’ll have to get out of here, or Ah’ll be talkin’ like you all fucking week. See you.”
I picked up the box, making sure that my tins of lager were packed tight, and made a sharp exit.
Twelve.
I’ve looked all over Canada and California for anything that even approximates to the
Similar Books
