Post-Apocalypse Dead Letter Office by Nathan Poell

overpriced food and supplies you need in Wellington and spend the night there. Next day get up the pass. Don’t waste time in Helper, just get through the fucking pass and take highway 6 – it’ll go to your LEFT! Spend the night in the canyon and get down to Soldier Summit or Gilluly the next day. You might find water there, but probably not. After that you should be able to get into Provo. Don’t stop in town, just ride your happy ass on down to the bay and drink your fill. It doesn’t taste very good, but it is freshwater. This is all really short, I know, but there’s really not much to it except enduring it. You’ll be hauling your ass through some nasty desert country and over a pass, and it’ll probably be the worst part of your entire trip. You’ll be in for more weirdness than you can figure as you head up north. Sal mentioned it, but I don’t think any description will enable you to fully grasp what Salt Lake City will be like. (He’s a little touched in the head, himself, if you ask me.) That place is fucked. But, of course, weirdest doesn’t mean worst. If you make it past the Moab area, you should have smooth sailing. Oh, and consider taking a hot bath up in Saratoga Springs, on the northwest side of the lake. ‘Cause by now, you stink. –Jan W.

    Pueblo to Grand Junction

    I know the other legs have told you how to get from east to west. Well, my brain can’t do that backwards-ass route stuff too easily, and I put off making notes until getting to Pueblo and Ron’s looking at me like I’m letting the air out of his tires as I write this down, so you’re going to have to deal. It’s not that hard really – the route planning that is. But forget what the other folks said, this will be the most difficult part of your trip. Most of it will be pleasant, but one part in particular is a make or break deal.

    So, Grand Junction. What can I say except that it’s a shithole these days. You’re going to want to get in and out as quickly as humanly possible, and don’t even think about spending the night there. But, it’s a natural stock-up point for you, so before you go, hit one of the smaller communities just to the east. Best one is Palisade. Buy as much damn produce as you can carry there – it’s good and cheap! Head out of the Grand Junction area on highway 50. It’s probably a day’s trip between there and Delta, then another between Delta and Montrose. Now take your time in here, keep yourself and your animals healthy and well-fed and watered. Take another day to get from Montrose to the reservoir, and another to get from the reservoir to Gunnison. Again, pace yourself! All these roads are going to be passable in the summer and into early fall (right now they fluctuate between shitty and phenomenally shitty). Once you get to Gunnison, take a day’s rest and re-stock. You won’t think you’ll need to, but you’ve got to be prepared at this point. Now, take a day to get to Sargents or thereabouts, then rest. Next day, mount up early as you can, ‘cause you’re heading up Monarch Pass through the Great Divide. If you follow advice well and your animals are in OK shape, you’ll get to the top mid-afternoon. You’ll be tempted to head down that day, but for Christ’s sake don’t! Your horses are going to be more tired that you can possibly imagine, so make camp that night best you can. There can be some weird weather in the pass, so be ready for lightning or odd squalls to blow up. They typically don’t last long, but they can be pretty bad. There’s an old restaurant/tourist trap place up there that’s out of business now, you can probably wedge yourselves in there if the weather gets nasty enough. Next day you should be able to make it into Salida – go easy on your horses heading down the pass. From there, just take it one day at a time again. Salida to Canon City, rest. Canon City to Pueblo, rest. Restock in Pueblo – there’s a good reservoir just to the west. Food’s a