Prime Time by Jane Wenham-Jones

Randolph’s Round-up .’ He lowered his voice huskily, ‘Which I think, my darling, you just might …’
    â€˜Randolph’s what?’
    â€˜ Round-up ,’ said Toni, who had appeared by my side, holding my jacket and handbag. ‘We do it at the end of the series – a re-run of the best moments. It’s totally wicked.’
    â€˜We get the really good guests back to watch themselves,’ added Shane. ‘You know, sitting on the sofa, smiling at how upset they got – a sort of where are they now?’ He gave me a little nudge. ‘Maybe you’ll have cured yourself by then by taking dried loganberry leaf or something …’ He winked. ‘Or you can pretend you have …’
    â€˜That’s cool. You were wicked,’ Toni said, as Shane waltzed off. ‘If Shane’s saying that, I’m sure we will call you again …’
    â€˜Really?’ I preened a little. ‘Did you hear that Charlotte? I may get called back as one of the best …’
    â€˜Hmm,’ said Charlotte. ‘They probably say that to everyone just to stop them suing for damage to their reputation. Bloody hell. Look out!’
    I turned to see Alicia striding toward us, arms swinging, face determined.
    â€˜I think she’s going to hit you,’ murmured Charlotte.
    Afterwards, I couldn’t really quite recall how it happened – I saw her arms come up and I remember bracing myself, thinking it’s probably best to stand quite still and just let her do it, hoping all the while that Charlotte would land her one hard, decisive blow and knock her out, in the manner with which she had once dealt with Janine Jackson when we were at school, and thus save me having to get involved in an undignified brawl. As Alicia bore down on me, hand outstretched, I closed my eyes.
    And then opened them again when I felt a pair of arms wrapped round me.
    â€˜You were brilliant,’ someone said in my ear.
    â€˜What?’ I looked into Alicia’s face. She was grinning. ‘Your face was a picture,’ she said. ‘But you were so good – I loved that bit when you screamed back at me.’
    â€˜Yes, well,’ I said, uneasily. ‘Of course I’m sorry for what you went through with your mum and I can see how you’d feel upset for your father in those circumstances but really, I do feel that some of us, in certain cases …’
    Alicia threw back her head and laughed. ‘My Dad pissed off when I was three and Mum and her boyfriend are totally cool,’ she said. ‘If anyone starts throwing the cutlery about, it’s me!’ She laughed again. ‘I made it all up’ she giggled. ‘They had dozens of mad cows already – no offence – so they needed someone to put the other side. I was just doing it to be on TV. And you know – it’s a day out and a few quid, isn’t it?’
    I looked at her in shock. ‘Is it? Do we get paid?’ I raised my eyebrows at Charlotte. Nobody had mentioned money to me.
    â€˜Yeah, they don’t advertise it but if you tell them you’ve got to miss a day’s work to be here, you can usually pick up a couple of hundred. You should have done it beforehand, really – last night or first thing this morning when it would be really inconvenient for them to find someone else. That’s the way.’
    â€˜Right,’ I said faintly, marvelling at her acumen and my lack of it.
    â€˜I’m trying a get a tape together,’ she explained. ‘I really want to become an actress. I’ve got myself an agent and he said get as much variety as possible. So I’m going on Hang Out with Hannah next week to talk about marital abuse.’
    â€˜Are you married?’ asked Charlotte.
    â€˜Not likely.’
    â€˜And how old are you?’ I enquired.
    â€˜Twenty-four.’ She grinned. ‘Tell you what,’ she said,