Purpose by Kristie Cook

eight years ago. They
would calm down if they at least knew something was being
done.”
    I threw my hands in the air. “Like what? What
am I supposed to do? Do they have some kind of in vitro clinic set
up? Because that’s the only way anything’s going to happen! I won’t
be unfaithful!”
    Mom sighed. “Just be thinking about it right
now, honey. We don’t expect you to do anything. In fact, you should
know that Rina and I, and some others, don’t support any of this.
If you are meant to have a daughter, if the Amadis is meant to
continue under our rule, it will happen when and how it is supposed
to.”
    “We just thought you should know what’s going
on,” Owen added.
    I stopped pacing and leaned my forehead
against the window, staring out at the backyard bathed in silver
from the moon’s light. I appreciated their candor. They still had
to protect their secrets until I went through the Ang’dora ,
so I hadn’t learned anything over the years. I hadn’t even asked,
since the day I realized my feeble human mind couldn’t comprehend
anyway. The day my world fell apart. But at least they shared
this.
    “Thank you,” I whispered.
    “Alexis…you do need to remember something,
though,” Mom said. “You need to understand this won’t go away. They
will eventually increase the pressure. You are royalty, honey. You
have responsibilities.”
    Her words burned my ears, their meaning
slowly washing over me, hot lava scorching my soul. I would have to
choose. Stay true to my love, to my soul-mate, remain Tristan’s
faithful wife no matter how long it took, even if doing so meant no
daughter. Or assume my responsibilities to a society that depended
on me for its future, on the daughter I needed to have, even if it
meant breaking my vows…letting go…moving on.
    The liquid fire scalded the edges of my
wounds, making them throb with pain. Regardless of how much I’d
been trying to convince myself that I needed to, I just couldn’t
move on. I couldn’t let go of the hope that we would be together
again. Just thinking about doing so in such real terms felt like
sharp claws ripping at my inner core, tearing at my soul. It would
die with that choice…and so would Tristan’s. After all, if our
souls were bound as tightly as Rina said they were, the death of
one meant the death of the other. I could not do that to him. I
owed him so much more.
    I turned slowly. Mom and Owen looked at me
expectantly.
    “We’re all relying on you, Alexis,” Mom
murmured.
    “Well, then,” I said, “I guess we’re all
fucked.”
     
    I slammed my bedroom door shut and threw
myself on the bed. I knew that was the wrong thing to say. Once
again, I’d snapped because of my emotions. Emotions that were
tearing me apart, ripping me in two. Right and wrong no longer
mattered anyway. I couldn’t do anything without devastating
consequences. To me. To Tristan. To Dorian. To our whole damn
society. I had actually stated the truth.
    That’s right. You. Are. Fucked.
    I startled at the thought. It didn’t sound
like my “voice”—the way I heard my own thoughts in my head. Though
I’d just said the same thing to Mom and Owen, this was not me. Was it?
    Who the hell else would it be?
    Again, the voice sounded different, strange.
But it was definitely in my head. It could only be my thoughts.
    Of course it is. This is the real you. The
one you’ve finally been letting out recently. The one who knows the
truth and isn’t afraid to say it.
    I didn’t understand myself. What the hell did
that mean?
    Think about it, Alexis. Who are you really?
Some miserable wench who can’t get over herself? Too afraid to do
anything? Come on, you know what you really want to do. Why hold
back?
    Again, I didn’t understand. Because I really
didn’t know what to do.
    Yes, you do. You know you can put an end to
all of this. No more suffering. No more choices. No more council or
Amadis at all, for that matter. And you won’t have to deal with any
of