chin.
“Jacob, of all the three alters , concerns me the most. He was the last identity that I came into contact with. For almost six months I believed that Adam had only Simon and Kyle to deal with. Jacob is the least dominant of the four; I have only met him a handful of times in the year that I have been treating Adam. I believe that Jacob represents the younger, child-like Adam. Although he is 24 he seems years younger.”
“Jacob is a different age to Adam?” I ask, incredulously. Adam is two years older than me – he is twenty-seven.
“They all have different birthdays,” Dr Sheldon explains, “Jacob was born on the sixth of September 1989, when Adam was four years old.” He pauses, watching me intently.
“You mean?” I'm not sure if I am following him but he nods encouragingly.
“I believe that Jacob was born on the exact day that the trauma occurred in Adam’s life; the day that something so terrible and so unbearable happened, that Adam dissociated in order to be able to cope; to be able to survive.” He gazes out of the window as though lost in thought and I am grateful for the moment to collect my own thoughts and bring my emotions in check.
“Jacob has a very dark side to him, one that leads me to believe that he represents all the pain and hurt that Adam experienced as a child,” Dr Sheldon continues as though no time has passed. “The initial trauma that caused Adam to develop other identities in the first place is borne by Jacob. He carries the burden so that Adam and the others don’t have to, so that they can lead normal lives. He is very sensitive and very troubled. He is also extremely difficult to counsel as he tends to flee from any confrontation, so the minute he gets uncomfortable talking about anything he withdraws, allowing one of the other identities to take over.”
“Is he gay?” I can’t help asking and Doctor Sheldon laughs softly.
“No, Paige. He isn’t gay. None of them are. And none of them are psychotic or aggressive enough to be classified as dangerous. They are just different. Each one of them is a completely separate identity. Think of it as four people inhabiting the same body.”
“You mentioned that Kyle is aware of Adam?” I ask, changing the subject. There is so much to digest.
“Yes. And Adam is aware of Kyle. Adam, being the host personality, is aware of all three other identities. He does not know them personally; he experiences a complete blackout when any of them are in control, but I have told him in great detail about them.”
“What does he think of them?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.
“He feels sorry for them, as we do. He pities Jacob and even Simon, to an extent,” he pauses and a rare smile crosses his face. “He doesn’t like Kyle. He says he doesn’t need protecting and that Kyle sounds like an asshole.”
I laugh, despite myself, and it turns into a sob.
“I’m sorry. This must be very difficult for you,” Carl says, placing a hand on my arm reassuringly. I wonder if he is going to try and counsel me too and I put my head in my hands.
“What about Jacob? Is he aware of the others?”
“It’s hard to say as he refuses to discuss it. I believe that he is aware of them but he does not want to acknowledge them. He is afraid; he knows there is something wrong with him but he is terrified to confront it.” He seems to hesitate, as though he is wondering whether he should continue. “I think that Jacob is the secret-keeper, Paige. He’s the one with the answers. I believe that he is the key to unlocking Adam’s early childhood.”
“Jesus,” I breathe. I'm so overwhelmed and wonder if I will be able to deal with all of this. I need someone to hold me. I need someone who makes me feel safe and loved and who makes me forget about the rest of the world. I sigh. I need Adam. I sit up straight and push my shoulders back. I will not lose him. No way.
“Tell me about Simon.” I’m relieved to hear
“Jacob, of all the three alters , concerns me the most. He was the last identity that I came into contact with. For almost six months I believed that Adam had only Simon and Kyle to deal with. Jacob is the least dominant of the four; I have only met him a handful of times in the year that I have been treating Adam. I believe that Jacob represents the younger, child-like Adam. Although he is 24 he seems years younger.”
“Jacob is a different age to Adam?” I ask, incredulously. Adam is two years older than me – he is twenty-seven.
“They all have different birthdays,” Dr Sheldon explains, “Jacob was born on the sixth of September 1989, when Adam was four years old.” He pauses, watching me intently.
“You mean?” I'm not sure if I am following him but he nods encouragingly.
“I believe that Jacob was born on the exact day that the trauma occurred in Adam’s life; the day that something so terrible and so unbearable happened, that Adam dissociated in order to be able to cope; to be able to survive.” He gazes out of the window as though lost in thought and I am grateful for the moment to collect my own thoughts and bring my emotions in check.
“Jacob has a very dark side to him, one that leads me to believe that he represents all the pain and hurt that Adam experienced as a child,” Dr Sheldon continues as though no time has passed. “The initial trauma that caused Adam to develop other identities in the first place is borne by Jacob. He carries the burden so that Adam and the others don’t have to, so that they can lead normal lives. He is very sensitive and very troubled. He is also extremely difficult to counsel as he tends to flee from any confrontation, so the minute he gets uncomfortable talking about anything he withdraws, allowing one of the other identities to take over.”
“Is he gay?” I can’t help asking and Doctor Sheldon laughs softly.
“No, Paige. He isn’t gay. None of them are. And none of them are psychotic or aggressive enough to be classified as dangerous. They are just different. Each one of them is a completely separate identity. Think of it as four people inhabiting the same body.”
“You mentioned that Kyle is aware of Adam?” I ask, changing the subject. There is so much to digest.
“Yes. And Adam is aware of Kyle. Adam, being the host personality, is aware of all three other identities. He does not know them personally; he experiences a complete blackout when any of them are in control, but I have told him in great detail about them.”
“What does he think of them?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.
“He feels sorry for them, as we do. He pities Jacob and even Simon, to an extent,” he pauses and a rare smile crosses his face. “He doesn’t like Kyle. He says he doesn’t need protecting and that Kyle sounds like an asshole.”
I laugh, despite myself, and it turns into a sob.
“I’m sorry. This must be very difficult for you,” Carl says, placing a hand on my arm reassuringly. I wonder if he is going to try and counsel me too and I put my head in my hands.
“What about Jacob? Is he aware of the others?”
“It’s hard to say as he refuses to discuss it. I believe that he is aware of them but he does not want to acknowledge them. He is afraid; he knows there is something wrong with him but he is terrified to confront it.” He seems to hesitate, as though he is wondering whether he should continue. “I think that Jacob is the secret-keeper, Paige. He’s the one with the answers. I believe that he is the key to unlocking Adam’s early childhood.”
“Jesus,” I breathe. I'm so overwhelmed and wonder if I will be able to deal with all of this. I need someone to hold me. I need someone who makes me feel safe and loved and who makes me forget about the rest of the world. I sigh. I need Adam. I sit up straight and push my shoulders back. I will not lose him. No way.
“Tell me about Simon.” I’m relieved to hear
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