Tuesday still aching and more than a little heartsick that he’s blowing me off. I’m disappointed in my friend Hayden. At least, I think we’re friends. If so, my definition of friendship and his differ wildly.
This, right here, is why smart people keep business and pleasure separate. Clearly, I’m not as smartas I think, because today I have to go to the office we share. I’ll have to see him and possibly talk to him and act like nothing happened, when everything happened. I’ll have to pretend in front of Flynn and the others that I’m fine when I’m not fine. I’m not fine at all. I feel broken inside, permanently changed in ways I’ve yet to fully process.
I finally got what I’ve wanted more than anything.I didn’t expect to feel so hollow afterward, but then again, I didn’t expect him to leave without a word either.
“What did you expect, Addison? Hearts and flowers and sonnets?”
Now he’s got me talking to myself. I didn’t expect any of those things, but is it crazy to wish that he’d at least said good-bye before he left? Was it too much to hope for that he might check on me yesterday after turningmy world upside down in the course of a few sensually charged hours?
Or maybe what we did is so commonplace for him that it didn’t occur to him that he needed to check on me. Maybe silence afterward is his routine. If so, his routine sucks donkey balls.
I turn the key to engage the dead bolt on my front door and take the elevator down to the parking garage to the sleek Audi R8 that my wonderfulboss surprised me with for my birthday last year. Working for a total “car whore” has its advantages, and I still can’t believe that this amazing car is all mine. Flynn being Flynn went all-out with a top-of-the-line V10 in a gorgeous metallic blue with black wheels and features I’m still discovering months later.
The biggest issue I have with the car is keeping an eye on the speed limit whenI’m on the highway. I’ve already been stopped once for speeding and given a warning. Thank goodness, because that ticket would’ve been beastly.
I slip into the black leather seat, wincing at the dull pain that still resonates from between my legs. Closing the door, I breathe in that new-car scent that still lingers. That scent reminds me to count my blessings. I have a great home, a hot carand a job that make my high school and college friends green with envy. I’m friends with or acquainted with most of Hollywood’s A-list thanks to my connection to Flynn, Hayden, Marlow, Jasper and Kristian.
My internal pep talk, while a nice reminder of how blessed I am, doesn’t do a damned thing to assuage my wounded pride or aching heart. How can he do this to me? I’m not just any random hookup.It’s me. Addie, his friend, his colleague, his…
The biggest mistake I’ve made is thinking that I matter more to him than I do. I thought there was something special between us. I thought what we did the other night was special. It was to me, anyway. I guess it wasn’t to him. I have the time it takes to drive from home to the office to convince myself that I’m okay with that. So what if it didn’tmean anything to him? It meant something to me, and I can hold on to that while I try to put my infatuation with him in the past.
Thank God I managed to contain those three little words that were on the tip of my tongue during every cataclysmic orgasm the other night. I cringe at how close I came to saying them more than once. But I didn’t, and now he’ll never know how I really feel about him.His loss.
My chest tightens and my eyes fill with tears I refuse to indulge. No matter how heartbroken I might feel, I’m not going to cry over Hayden Roth. I wanted him, I had him and now my feelings for him are in the past, or so I tell myself. Through rush-hour traffic, I focus on driving and the day ahead that will include a board meeting for Flynn and Natalie’s new childhood hunger
This, right here, is why smart people keep business and pleasure separate. Clearly, I’m not as smartas I think, because today I have to go to the office we share. I’ll have to see him and possibly talk to him and act like nothing happened, when everything happened. I’ll have to pretend in front of Flynn and the others that I’m fine when I’m not fine. I’m not fine at all. I feel broken inside, permanently changed in ways I’ve yet to fully process.
I finally got what I’ve wanted more than anything.I didn’t expect to feel so hollow afterward, but then again, I didn’t expect him to leave without a word either.
“What did you expect, Addison? Hearts and flowers and sonnets?”
Now he’s got me talking to myself. I didn’t expect any of those things, but is it crazy to wish that he’d at least said good-bye before he left? Was it too much to hope for that he might check on me yesterday after turningmy world upside down in the course of a few sensually charged hours?
Or maybe what we did is so commonplace for him that it didn’t occur to him that he needed to check on me. Maybe silence afterward is his routine. If so, his routine sucks donkey balls.
I turn the key to engage the dead bolt on my front door and take the elevator down to the parking garage to the sleek Audi R8 that my wonderfulboss surprised me with for my birthday last year. Working for a total “car whore” has its advantages, and I still can’t believe that this amazing car is all mine. Flynn being Flynn went all-out with a top-of-the-line V10 in a gorgeous metallic blue with black wheels and features I’m still discovering months later.
The biggest issue I have with the car is keeping an eye on the speed limit whenI’m on the highway. I’ve already been stopped once for speeding and given a warning. Thank goodness, because that ticket would’ve been beastly.
I slip into the black leather seat, wincing at the dull pain that still resonates from between my legs. Closing the door, I breathe in that new-car scent that still lingers. That scent reminds me to count my blessings. I have a great home, a hot carand a job that make my high school and college friends green with envy. I’m friends with or acquainted with most of Hollywood’s A-list thanks to my connection to Flynn, Hayden, Marlow, Jasper and Kristian.
My internal pep talk, while a nice reminder of how blessed I am, doesn’t do a damned thing to assuage my wounded pride or aching heart. How can he do this to me? I’m not just any random hookup.It’s me. Addie, his friend, his colleague, his…
The biggest mistake I’ve made is thinking that I matter more to him than I do. I thought there was something special between us. I thought what we did the other night was special. It was to me, anyway. I guess it wasn’t to him. I have the time it takes to drive from home to the office to convince myself that I’m okay with that. So what if it didn’tmean anything to him? It meant something to me, and I can hold on to that while I try to put my infatuation with him in the past.
Thank God I managed to contain those three little words that were on the tip of my tongue during every cataclysmic orgasm the other night. I cringe at how close I came to saying them more than once. But I didn’t, and now he’ll never know how I really feel about him.His loss.
My chest tightens and my eyes fill with tears I refuse to indulge. No matter how heartbroken I might feel, I’m not going to cry over Hayden Roth. I wanted him, I had him and now my feelings for him are in the past, or so I tell myself. Through rush-hour traffic, I focus on driving and the day ahead that will include a board meeting for Flynn and Natalie’s new childhood hunger
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