Reason by Allyson Young Page A

a condom.”
    Jamison closed his eyes for a moment. She wasn’t on birth control, and she could be pregnant. How had she taken his control? Bullshit. He needed to quit making this her problem and man up. Damn it. It didn’t matter because he didn’t care if he had made a baby in her. He wanted Ivone, any way he could have her.
    “Are you on birth control?” he managed to ask civilly.
    “I am.”
    “Then why…” he began, then abruptly shut up. He understood. She was totally right and he had fucked up. Christ. A night with her and his brain wasn’t working. That made two mistakes if he had been counting, and he hadn’t been, so that probably meant he’d made more than just two!
    “I apologize, Ivone,” he said quite formally. “My behavior was inexcusable.”
    Ivone said, “You tested me all evening and then ‘forgot’ something really important. You forgot about my rights as a sub. I share the responsibility for the safe word, but you…” Her words trailed off as she looked at his face.
    “I did test you. I am not in the habit of explaining myself, but in this case, suffice it to say that I have extremely high standards and hate to waste my time.”
    Ivone stood, effectively cutting him off. “Stop. Stop it now. You will never find someone to measure up because you keep changing the rules, raising the bar, because you don’t have a clue. It keeps you from making the commitment. I understand. I really do. I’m afraid myself. But I’ve just discovered that I need more, and perhaps I misled you. I apologize for my earlier behavior. I know better. Now, I would like to leave.”
    Jamison knew the truth when he heard it. Especially when he was so angry at himself that he could have punched a hole in the wall. In a few short sentences, Ivone had laid him bare and forced him to face himself. Now she would leave, and he would go back to his old ways and be content. Right, he wouldn’t interfere, wouldn’t try to stop her. He nodded.
    “I’ll call you a cab,” he affirmed. “You may collect your coat and wait at the front door. The clothing was all that we had available, and there is no need to return it. John will show you out.”
     
    * * * *
     
    Ivone kept a neutral expression and hurried out of the bedroom. So he hadn’t tried to remind her of her place when he’d provided the strange garments. She thought she should go back, try to open a dialogue, but she saw John was waiting with her coat.
    “I had hoped that he would recognize you, my dear,” the old man confided quietly.
    Ivone looked at him.
    “He needs you. I can tell you are different from the others and so can he, but he won’t allow himself to accept it. He is afraid, Miss Ivone.”
    Ivone bit her quivering bottom lip. “It scares me to know that I understand everything you just said to me, John. It should be too soon. I only met him last night, yet we connected in a way I’ve never felt before. But he would consume me because he can’t seem to stop finding fault, and would keep pushing me away. I know that he’s trying to protect himself, but I would keep trying until I was used up. That fear of his would kill us both.”
    She stopped, wondering where that insight had come from. Her mother talked of finding her soul mate in her father, but theirs had also been a tortured relationship even though they couldn’t live without one another for any length of time. Ivone couldn’t do that. She liked herself too much for that. It had taken a lot of work, a lot of therapy, but she had come to like herself, to learn and believe that she hadn’t been responsible for driving her parents apart. That she was entitled to a relationship that was different from her parents. That she just might be worthy of love. Impulsively, she kissed John on the cheek.
    “Take care of him,” she whispered.
    “I will,” he answered gravely. “As much as he will let me.”
    “Ivone.” Jamison’s voice penetrated their collusion. “Come here.”
    Ivone