would take it over any of the shit I have been dealing with the last few days. I increase my speed in hopes of my adrenaline spiking. I have a lot of miserable tasks ahead of me and since I have vowed to stay clean, I need all the natural drugs I can get.
When I can stand the burn no longer, I take one last swing at the bag and walk to the shower to rinse the last few days away. I step in and allow the water to burn a path in its wake; I need something to reign in this pain. I have to find a new way to satisfy the hunger and need that sneak into my every waking breathe and curse when I realize the only thing that may be able to help with that is out of my grasp. Of course, that only fuels my need to finish this job because I need her. I need her as a friend, I need her as a lover and I need her as my savior.
My mind wanders back to the nightmare I had. It has been a long time since I woke up in fear from that damn dream on a regular basis. That was from the lowest point in my life and I do not want to go back. I know I’m close to that point right now but I’m still not quite as bad. After yesterday, I am determined to set shit straight in my life, by whatever means possible.
I cringe at the image staring back at me from underneath the layers of steam on the mirror; my twenty-nine years look more like fifty. I suppose years of drugs and drinking will do that to you. I’m not sure how I pictured myself at this age…I never really thought I would make it to this age truthfully. Frank had a knack for reminding me I was worthless and wouldn’t live to see my thirtieth birthday. Plus, I didn’t lead a very safe life for many years. The thought of what will happen tomorrow never really crosses your mind when you’re on drugs, so thinking ahead fifteen years definitely never happened.
I roll my shoulders to try to release some of the tension that has already built back up. I decide I need to leave this pity party of one before I do something that I will regret later. In fact, while I am thinking about it…
I make my way down the hall with a purpose. Usually this is the point of the day I cut me a line of blow and get lost for the rest of the night. But I am no longer living for myself. I have other people depending on me, people who I can’t disappoint. Too many lives are on the line for me to screw this up.
Without a second thought, I grab the bag of white powdered goodness from the desk drawer and walk back towards the bathroom. My nose twitches the whole way and it takes every ounce of will power I possess not to get high. I’ve always convinced myself I can perform any task better when I’m high but I’ve proven time and time again drugs are the reason my life is the way it is. So after a few moments of mourning, I lift the lid to the commode and make it snow. My mouth begins watering at the sight of what has been my only friend for more than a decade, literally going down the drain. The only thing that keeps me from panicking is the thought of having Piper with me again. I will do anything to see her face light up while sitting in my dozer. My pride swells as I remember the determination on her face while she listened intently when I was teaching her to drive it. That look gives me a new determination in life, one that has zero to do with what I want and everything to do with what is right for someone else.
“Mama, you would be proud of me. For the first time in a long time, I am doing the right thing.”
Chapter Three
Piper
“Piper, wake up. Someone’s here to see you.”
“It’s too early, Phoebe. Tell them to come back later.”
“I can’t, Pipe. I have to get back to work.” An eye pops open when I hear his voice.
“What are you doing here?” The question is full of dread even though I didn’t mean for it to sound as such.
While the bruise is almost entirely gone, my hand moves to it and my fingers glide over the slightly raised skin. The hair on the back of my neck rises and a
When I can stand the burn no longer, I take one last swing at the bag and walk to the shower to rinse the last few days away. I step in and allow the water to burn a path in its wake; I need something to reign in this pain. I have to find a new way to satisfy the hunger and need that sneak into my every waking breathe and curse when I realize the only thing that may be able to help with that is out of my grasp. Of course, that only fuels my need to finish this job because I need her. I need her as a friend, I need her as a lover and I need her as my savior.
My mind wanders back to the nightmare I had. It has been a long time since I woke up in fear from that damn dream on a regular basis. That was from the lowest point in my life and I do not want to go back. I know I’m close to that point right now but I’m still not quite as bad. After yesterday, I am determined to set shit straight in my life, by whatever means possible.
I cringe at the image staring back at me from underneath the layers of steam on the mirror; my twenty-nine years look more like fifty. I suppose years of drugs and drinking will do that to you. I’m not sure how I pictured myself at this age…I never really thought I would make it to this age truthfully. Frank had a knack for reminding me I was worthless and wouldn’t live to see my thirtieth birthday. Plus, I didn’t lead a very safe life for many years. The thought of what will happen tomorrow never really crosses your mind when you’re on drugs, so thinking ahead fifteen years definitely never happened.
I roll my shoulders to try to release some of the tension that has already built back up. I decide I need to leave this pity party of one before I do something that I will regret later. In fact, while I am thinking about it…
I make my way down the hall with a purpose. Usually this is the point of the day I cut me a line of blow and get lost for the rest of the night. But I am no longer living for myself. I have other people depending on me, people who I can’t disappoint. Too many lives are on the line for me to screw this up.
Without a second thought, I grab the bag of white powdered goodness from the desk drawer and walk back towards the bathroom. My nose twitches the whole way and it takes every ounce of will power I possess not to get high. I’ve always convinced myself I can perform any task better when I’m high but I’ve proven time and time again drugs are the reason my life is the way it is. So after a few moments of mourning, I lift the lid to the commode and make it snow. My mouth begins watering at the sight of what has been my only friend for more than a decade, literally going down the drain. The only thing that keeps me from panicking is the thought of having Piper with me again. I will do anything to see her face light up while sitting in my dozer. My pride swells as I remember the determination on her face while she listened intently when I was teaching her to drive it. That look gives me a new determination in life, one that has zero to do with what I want and everything to do with what is right for someone else.
“Mama, you would be proud of me. For the first time in a long time, I am doing the right thing.”
Chapter Three
Piper
“Piper, wake up. Someone’s here to see you.”
“It’s too early, Phoebe. Tell them to come back later.”
“I can’t, Pipe. I have to get back to work.” An eye pops open when I hear his voice.
“What are you doing here?” The question is full of dread even though I didn’t mean for it to sound as such.
While the bruise is almost entirely gone, my hand moves to it and my fingers glide over the slightly raised skin. The hair on the back of my neck rises and a
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