of him. And, somehow, impossibly, I had survived. Our friendship had survived. Eric had been by my side through moments of epic asshole proportions over the past two years, and he had never blamed me for them. He had never hated me for them or retaliated. Hell, I’m not sure he’d ever even really been mad at me in the nine years we’d known each other.
So I certainly didn’t want to lie to him now. But the truth? That couldn’t happen either. Crazy people didn’t continue working here, and without my job, Eric’s friendship could be in jeopardy too. Eric and I were a team. We always worked together; it was expected. It had become such an accepted truth that when Eric was out of the field with an injury for a while, everyone just assumed I was too. And they had been right. I couldn’t abandon him now after all he had done for me by admitting that I was going crazy. So I decided on a half-truth.
“I met someone,” I said slowly. I flinched as I said it. I anticipated his reaction. He wouldn’t congratulate me or tell me that’s great or it’s about time to move on. Eric knew better. But whatever he said, it would sting all the same.
“About three weeks ago?” he finally asked. I nodded. He sighed and continued, “I guess that explains it.”
We sat in silence for a while, me wishing I hadn’t said anything and Eric probably wondering what to say to a man who had repeatedly insisted he would never even consider dating again. When I sat there, stubbornly quiet and moody and obviously not going to freely offer anything else, Eric stepped lightly into the troubled waters he sensed around him.
“What happened?”
What happened? I went out for coffee, met Lottie, chased her a few blocks, found out she’s alive except she claims she’s some kind of energy life form from another planet who revives dead – apparently even dead and embalmed – bodies but apparently, got stuck with a defective one because she remembers me when she isn’t supposed to, but she never wants to see me again. What’s been happening with you?
It was taking me too long to answer. Just lie, Dietrich . Sometimes lies are better than the truth. Especially if I thought this was the truth. “I thought I saw Lottie.”
Goddamn it, I couldn’t even follow my own advice.
“Ok …” Eric said carefully. He was waiting. I had said I had met someone, after all, not that I thought I saw someone and walked away. He knew there was more. I inhaled. Now what? Could I fuck this up much more?
“I talked to her.” Yeah. I could.
“You talked to who?”
“Whom.”
“Dietrich.”
“I talked to Lottie.” How had he done that? I had been so sure that telling him the truth was the last thing I should do, and here it was, spilling out. Well, maybe not spilling out, but he was getting it out. I put my head in my hands and half-moaned, half-laughed, “Oh God, I’m going crazy, aren’t I?”
Eric was quiet for a while. That’s ok, buddy. Take your time to think about it.
“Yes,” he finally sighed, and swirled his drink around his cup. It was almost empty. He was going to start making those slurping noises soon that I despised. For once, he surprised me. He put the drink back down on my desk instead.
“You haven’t told anyone else about this, have you?”
“Of course not,” I would have rolled my eyes but they were buried in my hands.
“Alright then,” another pause. I peeked up at him to see if he was reconsidering his drink. But he was still watching me. “Well, what did she say?”
Holy shit. Eric 2, Dietrich 0.
He tried again. “You talked to Lottie, so what did she say? Did she talk about Heaven? A bright light? Did she just want to tell you she loves you, she’s worried about you? I mean, what?”
I had to look at him now. I mean, really look at him. I knew better than to think he was just fucking with me. Not about her. So he thought I was going crazy but was going to … what? Talk to me about going
So I certainly didn’t want to lie to him now. But the truth? That couldn’t happen either. Crazy people didn’t continue working here, and without my job, Eric’s friendship could be in jeopardy too. Eric and I were a team. We always worked together; it was expected. It had become such an accepted truth that when Eric was out of the field with an injury for a while, everyone just assumed I was too. And they had been right. I couldn’t abandon him now after all he had done for me by admitting that I was going crazy. So I decided on a half-truth.
“I met someone,” I said slowly. I flinched as I said it. I anticipated his reaction. He wouldn’t congratulate me or tell me that’s great or it’s about time to move on. Eric knew better. But whatever he said, it would sting all the same.
“About three weeks ago?” he finally asked. I nodded. He sighed and continued, “I guess that explains it.”
We sat in silence for a while, me wishing I hadn’t said anything and Eric probably wondering what to say to a man who had repeatedly insisted he would never even consider dating again. When I sat there, stubbornly quiet and moody and obviously not going to freely offer anything else, Eric stepped lightly into the troubled waters he sensed around him.
“What happened?”
What happened? I went out for coffee, met Lottie, chased her a few blocks, found out she’s alive except she claims she’s some kind of energy life form from another planet who revives dead – apparently even dead and embalmed – bodies but apparently, got stuck with a defective one because she remembers me when she isn’t supposed to, but she never wants to see me again. What’s been happening with you?
It was taking me too long to answer. Just lie, Dietrich . Sometimes lies are better than the truth. Especially if I thought this was the truth. “I thought I saw Lottie.”
Goddamn it, I couldn’t even follow my own advice.
“Ok …” Eric said carefully. He was waiting. I had said I had met someone, after all, not that I thought I saw someone and walked away. He knew there was more. I inhaled. Now what? Could I fuck this up much more?
“I talked to her.” Yeah. I could.
“You talked to who?”
“Whom.”
“Dietrich.”
“I talked to Lottie.” How had he done that? I had been so sure that telling him the truth was the last thing I should do, and here it was, spilling out. Well, maybe not spilling out, but he was getting it out. I put my head in my hands and half-moaned, half-laughed, “Oh God, I’m going crazy, aren’t I?”
Eric was quiet for a while. That’s ok, buddy. Take your time to think about it.
“Yes,” he finally sighed, and swirled his drink around his cup. It was almost empty. He was going to start making those slurping noises soon that I despised. For once, he surprised me. He put the drink back down on my desk instead.
“You haven’t told anyone else about this, have you?”
“Of course not,” I would have rolled my eyes but they were buried in my hands.
“Alright then,” another pause. I peeked up at him to see if he was reconsidering his drink. But he was still watching me. “Well, what did she say?”
Holy shit. Eric 2, Dietrich 0.
He tried again. “You talked to Lottie, so what did she say? Did she talk about Heaven? A bright light? Did she just want to tell you she loves you, she’s worried about you? I mean, what?”
I had to look at him now. I mean, really look at him. I knew better than to think he was just fucking with me. Not about her. So he thought I was going crazy but was going to … what? Talk to me about going
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