Rhyme Schemer by K.A. Holt

DAY 6
    Numbering the school days
    in this notebook
    might be
    a
    Very
    Bad
    Idea.
    It’s making the school year
    long
    longer
    longest.
    And the second week
    just started.

    I don’t know a lot about tornadoes,
    but I saw one last year.
    Longest five minutes of my life.
    Even longer than the
    first week of school
    which was just
    really
    freaking
    long.
    That tornado looked like
    someone was putting our
    street into a
    blender.
    Chunks of road mixed with cars.
    Trees mixed with windows.
    The noise was
    so loud.
    It was so loud it was almost quiet.
    Like how every color mixed together
    makes the color
    white.
    No one was home except for me and Petey.
    His face, the same green as the sky,
    his feet stuck to the carpet
    like the trees used to
    stick in the
    ground.
    Come on! Come on! Come on!
I shouted
    and he wouldn’t move.
    He wouldn’t move.
    We were easy prey.
    So I grabbed him
    by the shirt
    and pulled
    and pulled
    and pulled.
    Then he was with me in the Harry Potter closet
    under the stairs
    my arms over
    his head.
    And the blender roared by
    and Petey cried hard
    with my arms still there
    still over
    his head.
    And then the big, messy racket was gone.
    Petey sniffed real big and said
    What are you staring at?
    YOU’RE the baby
    in this
    family
.
    And he’s hated me.
    Hated me
    ever
    since.

    I feel like that tornado,
    that blender in the sky,
    jumped down my throat
    and is now buried inside.

    The blob of sauce
    drips off his ear
    in
    slow motion.
    His empty bowl
    sits on his head
    a
    crooked hat.
    My hand on my mouth
    not really covering
    the
    snorts of laughter.
    Spaghetti and meatballs
    the same color
    as
    Robin’s hair.
    Robin
    doesn’t think
    it’s so funny.
    Neither does
    Harry
    the mole.
    Now I wait for
    Hartwick.
    Again.

    If I stare at the stain on the ceiling
    I don’t have to stare at Hartwick
    while he says
    Woh woh woh
    and tells me to
    STRAIGHTEN UP.
    He called my mom
    but she didn’t answer.
    Again.
    So he gave me
    another warning.
    But
    THE NEXT TIME
    he says
    while I stare at the stain
    THERE WILL BE MAJOR CONSEQUENCES
    . . .
    MISTER
    He is still
    a jerkface.

    As a side note,
    I have composed another ode
    to Hartwick’s tie:
    [Clearing throat noise here]
    O, Principal’s tie
    You make me want to puke
    Because you are the color of
    Squishy, moldy fruit

    There is this word:
    Hubbub.
    It sounds like someone trying to talk
    while blowing a big gum bubble.
    Today, there was a hubbub.
    I put the stolen page on the door to the front office
    when I had a hall pass for the bathroom.
    Then it was B lunch
    and everyone saw it.
    Who is doing this?
    the kids ask with a laugh.
    The teachers ask with dragon breath.
    I’m not telling.

DAY 7
    Late.
    Petey’s fault.
    He was supposed to drop me off
    in front.
    Instead, I had to walk
    six
    whole
    blocks
    so he could take a shortcut
    to Lacey’s house.
    Giant John was late, too,
    which was good.
    I had something soft to punch
    to make my day
    better.
    Sort of.

    Lacey Lacey Lacey
    She’s the only thing Petey
    ever
    ever
    ever
    talks about.
    Unless he talks about his band
    or how much he hates me,
    which are both tied for his
    second favorite
    topic.
    If Petey says
    one
    more
    time
    how lucky I am to be the baby
    to get everything I want
    I will smack him
    even if he smacks harder.
    I don’t get everything I want.
    I get nothing.
    I get
Sort it out, boys!
    I get P
aul, help Kevin with his math
.
    I get
My shift starts in 30 minutes
,
    Petey will take you to school
.
    Doesn’t Petey see?
    I don’t exist.
    I had to walk six blocks
    because of
    Lacey Lacey Lacey
    and get a tardy
    and a detention for hitting Giant John
    because of Petey.
    Who is not—technically—the baby.
    Anymore.

WEEKEND
    There’s this one channel with all the reruns.
    It’s my favorite.
    It’s where I met Cliff Huxtable.
    Cliff Huxtable is a doctor
    like my dad.
    Delivers babies.
    Has a bunch of