thought I could quash all of the feelings I had, but I can’t. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”
With that, I got up and rushed out of the club. I could hear Jonathan calling me from inside the building, but I didn’t turn back. When I got outside, I hailed a waiting cab and gave him my address. Tears welled in my eyes as we sped across Los Angeles, across the streets I was getting to know. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I thought I was stronger than this, I thought I was going to be able to resist him. I knew I was wrong, and as much as my heart wanted to be with Jonathan, I knew that in reality it was never going to happen. I had to cut him loose, and go back to my safe life in Ohio.
When I got to my apartment I asked the cab driver to wait outside. I packed a bag quickly. I just threw in a few clothes, some toiletries, my most important papers then I grabbed my purse and went back out to the taxi. My phone rang, and I checked the number. It was Jonathan, and I let it ring out. I just couldn’t speak with him right now.
“To the airport, please” I asked, and we sped off towards LAX.
Chapter Seven
I booked a ticket on the first flight back to Cleveland. It was too late to call Kevin to pick me up, so I figured I would just grab a cab and surprise him. As I waited, I drink a bottle of water and slowly began to sober up. The more my wits came back to me, the more upset I was with what I’d done.
This was exactly like the first time Jonathan had broken my heart. It was exactly like that. For the second time in my life, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I felt empty, I felt hollow. There was no denying it anymore, I definitely loved Jonathan. The problem was , we still couldn’t be together. I wasn’t a cheater, and I had a life with Kevin. I loved Kevin as well, although if I was honest, I never felt that same pang in my chest every time I laid eyes on him. I never felt that same longing whenever he walked into the room, or that feeling of love so strong it hurt. Perhaps I did love Jonathan more than Kevin, but it didn’t matter. I was going back to Kevin now. I should have listened to my gut, and never gone to Los Angeles.
How could I have done that to Kevin? After all, Kevin was going to be my husband. We were going to be married. And I’d kissed someone else! I’d kissed Jonathan, and I’d come really, really close to doing a lot more than kiss him. Shame coursed through me. I couldn’t believe I’d done that. I’d always thought cheaters were the worst kind of scum. I’d always told myself I would never be the type of person who would cheat on their boyfriend. And yet now, I’d done it. I’d kissed Jonathan Knight when I was still with Kevin.
I mean yeah, of course I’d been lonely. I really had missed Kevin over the last few months. And I had been a bit drunk. But none of that was an excuse. Jonathan and I had also set a line. We’d decided that we weren’t going to let our relationship be anything other than completely professional and platonic. Hell, I didn’t even think Jonathan loved me anymore. It was also possible he didn’t; perhaps it was the alcohol, or simply pure physical desire without any underlying emotion on his part that made him lean down and kiss me. None of that mattered though, what mattered was that I’d betrayed Kevin.
There was only one thing to do now, and I was going it. I had to fly back home, admit everything, apologize and hope Kevin could me more forgiving than I imagined I would be in the same situation. I would beg for forgiveness, and hope beyond hope that I hadn’t ruined our relationship forever.
The nerves felt like they were crushing my chest. I kept going through every terrible scenario in my head, thinking about what would happen when I told Kevin. Would he kick me out immediately, telling me he never wanted to see me again? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him if he did. Would he tell me I was scum, the
With that, I got up and rushed out of the club. I could hear Jonathan calling me from inside the building, but I didn’t turn back. When I got outside, I hailed a waiting cab and gave him my address. Tears welled in my eyes as we sped across Los Angeles, across the streets I was getting to know. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I thought I was stronger than this, I thought I was going to be able to resist him. I knew I was wrong, and as much as my heart wanted to be with Jonathan, I knew that in reality it was never going to happen. I had to cut him loose, and go back to my safe life in Ohio.
When I got to my apartment I asked the cab driver to wait outside. I packed a bag quickly. I just threw in a few clothes, some toiletries, my most important papers then I grabbed my purse and went back out to the taxi. My phone rang, and I checked the number. It was Jonathan, and I let it ring out. I just couldn’t speak with him right now.
“To the airport, please” I asked, and we sped off towards LAX.
Chapter Seven
I booked a ticket on the first flight back to Cleveland. It was too late to call Kevin to pick me up, so I figured I would just grab a cab and surprise him. As I waited, I drink a bottle of water and slowly began to sober up. The more my wits came back to me, the more upset I was with what I’d done.
This was exactly like the first time Jonathan had broken my heart. It was exactly like that. For the second time in my life, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I felt empty, I felt hollow. There was no denying it anymore, I definitely loved Jonathan. The problem was , we still couldn’t be together. I wasn’t a cheater, and I had a life with Kevin. I loved Kevin as well, although if I was honest, I never felt that same pang in my chest every time I laid eyes on him. I never felt that same longing whenever he walked into the room, or that feeling of love so strong it hurt. Perhaps I did love Jonathan more than Kevin, but it didn’t matter. I was going back to Kevin now. I should have listened to my gut, and never gone to Los Angeles.
How could I have done that to Kevin? After all, Kevin was going to be my husband. We were going to be married. And I’d kissed someone else! I’d kissed Jonathan, and I’d come really, really close to doing a lot more than kiss him. Shame coursed through me. I couldn’t believe I’d done that. I’d always thought cheaters were the worst kind of scum. I’d always told myself I would never be the type of person who would cheat on their boyfriend. And yet now, I’d done it. I’d kissed Jonathan Knight when I was still with Kevin.
I mean yeah, of course I’d been lonely. I really had missed Kevin over the last few months. And I had been a bit drunk. But none of that was an excuse. Jonathan and I had also set a line. We’d decided that we weren’t going to let our relationship be anything other than completely professional and platonic. Hell, I didn’t even think Jonathan loved me anymore. It was also possible he didn’t; perhaps it was the alcohol, or simply pure physical desire without any underlying emotion on his part that made him lean down and kiss me. None of that mattered though, what mattered was that I’d betrayed Kevin.
There was only one thing to do now, and I was going it. I had to fly back home, admit everything, apologize and hope Kevin could me more forgiving than I imagined I would be in the same situation. I would beg for forgiveness, and hope beyond hope that I hadn’t ruined our relationship forever.
The nerves felt like they were crushing my chest. I kept going through every terrible scenario in my head, thinking about what would happen when I told Kevin. Would he kick me out immediately, telling me he never wanted to see me again? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him if he did. Would he tell me I was scum, the
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