questions, never pried, not once. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed. When I realized we had sat talking for over an hour I was stunned that the time had passed so quickly and easily. I followed Jax back out into the common room, noticing the lights had been dimmed and most of the women had gone to bed. Eli sat at a table with an array of crayons and paper. A woman sat quietly at his side reading, his mother I assumed. I quickly made my way over to my new friend and slid into the free chair at his other side, placing my backpack safely at my feet.
“Mind if I join you?” Eli smiled and pushed a piece of paper my way. I could see he had drawn a very impressive looking bus. “The bus I came in on was red,” I offered. Without hesitation Eli grabbed a red crayon and started coloring. I thumbed the crayon for a long time until eventually picking it up, my fingers caressing it almost nervously like it might be a live missile or something. Then, with great hesitation I pressed it to the page. After a few testing lines my hand took over. The worry in my mind seemed to disappear, the tension in my body lost. The world around me ceased to exist. I didn’t even notice that I had reached for another piece of paper, nor had I noticed when Eli was dragged off to bed by his mother. I especially did not notice Jax sitting across the table from me, staring at me like I was some sort of mutant freak.
“Un-fucken-believable,” he gasped when I glanced his way. My body tensed. It sounded like something Marcus would say when he was pissed off, right before he would hit me. I reached for my backpack, flight imminent. I didn’t care that we were in the middle of a snow storm. Then I forced myself to be still and watch his eyes. No anger, just something akin to wonder. “Angel, that there,” he pointed at the scattered drawings before me. “Is fucking incredible.” The Tension began to recede and I gave myself a quiet reprimand for the haste with which my body turned to fight and flee mode. As I stared at those incredible grey eyes I realized I could easily fall for a man like Jax Carter and that scared me to death. I didn’t do relationships, I didn’t even do friendships. There was no room in my life for commitments; in fact I had never once in my life developed what one might call a close relationship, other than with my dad of course. I had some friends, before Marcus. They disappeared about the time my bad behavior reared its ugly head and then my acceptable friends were replaced with completely unacceptable ones, like my drug dealer and his stoner friends. There were boys who easily took what I offered, sex, no strings attached, simple yet unsatisfying sex. Moments where I could embrace the fact that someone wanted me, if only for a short time and it didn’t involve violence or pain. Rita was the closest thing to a friend now, and she was a five minute phone call of reassurance every few months. She deserved so much more than that, after everything she had done but it was all I could offer. Jax Carter couldn’t and wouldn’t be more than a man who gave me shelter, and the sooner I got out of here and away from him, the better.
Chapter 4
Jax
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. There was something about this girl that just drew me in. Physically she didn’t look anything like Sarah, but the fight and determination I knew she had inside was one and the same. Only Sarah had reached the point of no return, she had reached the bottom, and I had failed to see it. Perhaps my attraction to Ella was an unconscious attempt to make up for my mistake with Sarah, but as a man I certainly did not miss the way my body responded to her, the want and need were undeniable. If she were another girl in another place I wouldn’t hesitate in making a move on her, but here in the shelter was a completely different story. My position was clear, keep
“Mind if I join you?” Eli smiled and pushed a piece of paper my way. I could see he had drawn a very impressive looking bus. “The bus I came in on was red,” I offered. Without hesitation Eli grabbed a red crayon and started coloring. I thumbed the crayon for a long time until eventually picking it up, my fingers caressing it almost nervously like it might be a live missile or something. Then, with great hesitation I pressed it to the page. After a few testing lines my hand took over. The worry in my mind seemed to disappear, the tension in my body lost. The world around me ceased to exist. I didn’t even notice that I had reached for another piece of paper, nor had I noticed when Eli was dragged off to bed by his mother. I especially did not notice Jax sitting across the table from me, staring at me like I was some sort of mutant freak.
“Un-fucken-believable,” he gasped when I glanced his way. My body tensed. It sounded like something Marcus would say when he was pissed off, right before he would hit me. I reached for my backpack, flight imminent. I didn’t care that we were in the middle of a snow storm. Then I forced myself to be still and watch his eyes. No anger, just something akin to wonder. “Angel, that there,” he pointed at the scattered drawings before me. “Is fucking incredible.” The Tension began to recede and I gave myself a quiet reprimand for the haste with which my body turned to fight and flee mode. As I stared at those incredible grey eyes I realized I could easily fall for a man like Jax Carter and that scared me to death. I didn’t do relationships, I didn’t even do friendships. There was no room in my life for commitments; in fact I had never once in my life developed what one might call a close relationship, other than with my dad of course. I had some friends, before Marcus. They disappeared about the time my bad behavior reared its ugly head and then my acceptable friends were replaced with completely unacceptable ones, like my drug dealer and his stoner friends. There were boys who easily took what I offered, sex, no strings attached, simple yet unsatisfying sex. Moments where I could embrace the fact that someone wanted me, if only for a short time and it didn’t involve violence or pain. Rita was the closest thing to a friend now, and she was a five minute phone call of reassurance every few months. She deserved so much more than that, after everything she had done but it was all I could offer. Jax Carter couldn’t and wouldn’t be more than a man who gave me shelter, and the sooner I got out of here and away from him, the better.
Chapter 4
Jax
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. There was something about this girl that just drew me in. Physically she didn’t look anything like Sarah, but the fight and determination I knew she had inside was one and the same. Only Sarah had reached the point of no return, she had reached the bottom, and I had failed to see it. Perhaps my attraction to Ella was an unconscious attempt to make up for my mistake with Sarah, but as a man I certainly did not miss the way my body responded to her, the want and need were undeniable. If she were another girl in another place I wouldn’t hesitate in making a move on her, but here in the shelter was a completely different story. My position was clear, keep
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