Secret Smile
mother, a shy smile
that made him look like a boy. 'But then, if I remember rightly, some other
people in this room acted rather impulsively when they first met.' My parents
met at a wedding of a friend in 1974 and were married two months later.
'Sometimes we should trust our instincts. And one thing I know: I have never
seen Kerry look so happy and so beautiful. Brendan, I think you're lucky to
have her.'
    'I know,' he said, and we all laughed.
    'What I really wanted,' said my father,
'is to drink to the happy couple. Can we call them that?'
    'The happy couple,' we all said and
clinked each other's glasses.
    I looked at Kerry. She was almost crying.
My mother was definitely crying. Brendan was blowing his nose on a handkerchief
and wiping his shiny cheeks. Even my father looked suspiciously near to tears.
I made myself a promise. I would make this work. Or, at least, I would let it
work. I felt a prod at my elbow.
    'A penny for your thoughts,' said Brendan.
    'Congratulations,' I said. 'I'm very glad
for you.'
    'That's important to me.' He looked
around. Mum and Dad and Kerry and Troy were in a group at the far end of the
room, talking, laughing. Brendan leaned closer to me.
    'When I made the announcement, I was
looking at you,' he said. 'You looked shocked.'
    'Surprised,' I said. 'It's been sudden.'
    'I can see it's difficult for you,' he
said.
    'It's not difficult at all.'
    'When I was talking, I was looking at your
mouth,' he said.
    'What?'
    'You've got a beautiful mouth,' Brendan
said. He moved closer still. I could smell his breath, sour against my face.
'And I was thinking that I've come into that mouth.'
    'What?'
    'It's funny,' he said, in a low voice.
'I'm marrying your sister and I was thinking of my semen in your mouth.'
    'What?' I said again, too loudly.
    The others stopped talking and looked
round. I felt something on my skin, hot, feverish.
    'Excuse me,' I said, my mouth feeling
clammy. I put my glass down and walked out of the room quickly. I heard Brendan
saying something. I went into the lavatory. Just in time I pushed my head
towards the bowl and vomited in spasms, again and again, until there was
nothing left but hot fluid that burned my mouth and throat.
     
    CHAPTER 8
     
    'Are you sure you're all right to do this?
Miranda?'
    'What? Yes, quite sure. It'll be fun.'
    My mind was elsewhere entirely. In bed
with Nick the night before, all night. Sleeping at last, then waking in the
hours before dawn, dazed with tiredness, and feeling for each other in the
darkness. And in the morning he was still there, a stranger's face on the
pillow. Miraculous. I blinked and smiled at Kerry. My lips were sore, my body
tingled.
    'There are four of them I've arranged to
see,' she was saying, 'and I've worked out how to do it most efficiently. It'll
only take an hour or so. Maybe less. You can't tell from the estate agents'
details, can you?'
    'I can take you out for lunch after, if
you like.'
    'That would be lovely. I said I'd meet
Brendan. We can just call him and he'll join us wherever we decide to go. He
wanted to come this morning, except he'd promised Dad to help him with moving
all their furniture before the workmen arrive tomorrow morning and tear the
house to bits. He couldn't do it this afternoon because we've got this man
coming to look at my flat for the second time.'
    'Let's see what time we're through with
this,' I said, backpedalling. 'Maybe I'll just have to dash off anyway, come to
think of it. I've got a loft extension waiting.'
    'It's Sunday,' she protested. 'You work
too hard.' Happiness had made her generous. She wanted everyone else to be
happy too. 'You look tired.'
    'Do I?' I reached up and touched my face
gently, the way Nick had done. 'I'm fine, Kerry. Just a bit of a late night,
that's all.'
     
     
    We'd gone to see a film. It wasn't much
good, but that didn't matter. We'd leaned into each other, his hand on my
thigh, my head pressed against his shoulder. Every so often we'd turned our
faces to each

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