Sex and Crime: Oliver's Strange Journey by Oliver Markus

days.
     
    So then we had sex in the park near her
house at night. Right in the middle of the lawn. Until a police
cruiser drove through the park and put their spotlight on us.
Luckily we weren't doing anything at that moment, but we were about
to. Donna wasn't wearing any pants or panties, and while we were
squinting into the police lights, and they told us to stand up, she
asked me if her T-shirt looked like a dress. It didn't. But I said
it did. The cops didn't arrest us. So it was all good.
     
    During the second week, we just brazenly
hung out at her house, and we had sex there while Jeff was at work.
It was really strange. Even when he came home from work, I was
still there, and Donna and I sat on the living room couch, watching
TV, while he was hiding in his room, fixing a VCR or something.
Occasionally he walked through the living room, right past us,
without saying a word, to go to the bathroom. I kept expecting him
to storm into the living room one day and pick another fight with
me, or pull a gun on me or something, but he never did.
     
    Donna told me that after the fight, Jeff had
a lot of respect for me, because I didn't beat him to a pulp,
although I could have. Suddenly I had street cred in New York,
because I let him get up without hitting him back, after he
suckerpunched me.
     
    Eventually I had to fly back to Germany. But
after that first trip I was hooked, and I kept flying back to New
York every couple of days. Jeff did move out after a few days, so
then Donna and I were able to just hang out at her place whenever I
came over. No more crazy sex romps in the park.
     
    All these transatlantic flights were getting
pretty expensive, and then my mom and stepdad had figured out that
I was constantly on the phone with America, so they wouldn't let me
use the phone at the house anymore. At that point I had to keep
going to phone booths to talk to Donna. It couldn't go on like
this. Especially after I caught pneumonia and almost died.
     
    So I decided to move to New York and live
with Donna, instead of going to college to become a special ed
teacher in Germany. My parents flipped out. They thought I was
throwing my life away.

HOW TO BE A REALLY BAD CARTOONIST

    "Do not correct a fool, or he will hate you. Correct
a wise man, and he will appreciate you."
    Proverb
     
    Every time I flew to New York, I came with a
tourist visa, which allowed me to stay in the US for three months
each time. After those three months were up, I had to leave the
country for at least one day, or I'd be an illegal immigrant.
     
    After I completed my mandatory civil service
in Germany, I had no reason to fly back anymore. But after I stayed
with Donna for almost three months, my visa was about to expire,
and if I got caught overstaying my legal welcome, I could be
deported and banned from re-entering the States.
     
    So something needed to be done. I figured
the easiest thing would be, if I fly back to Germany for a few days
and come right back. Then I'd have a fresh three month tourist
visa. But Donna was afraid I wouldn't come back, so she didn't want
me to go. She told me if I fly back to Germany, for even just one
day, it's over.
     
    But what else could we do? She suggested we
get married, because once I'm married to a US citizen, I could
apply for a green card and they wouldn't be able to deport me, no
matter how long the paperwork would take.
     
    Even though we had known each other for well
over a year at this point, we had only lived together for about 3
months, and I really didn't want to get married so quickly. I was
only 20. I told her I wasn't ready to get married, and flew back to
Germany. I told her I'd be back soon, but she was so upset, she
said she never wanted to talk to me again. We didn't talk to each
other for two weeks or so. I was miserable. I kept trying to call
her from Germany, but she wouldn't answer. I wrote her a letter.
Finally she called me, and asked me to come back.
     
    When I arrived in New York the