away, looking back in my rearview
window.
He was grinning.
But when I’m daydreaming on the phone at
work…
(when reps are yelling or demanding things,
like can I take the earth and rotate it in the opposite
direction)
It’s always about Matt.
Oh, okay, and Benny. Benny and his damn
height.
Saturday 1 July 2000
11.12pm
Had Beth’s sister’s wedding
today/tonight.
Oh, it was beautiful. Just depressed
me.
(like weddings ALWAYS DO)
Ever turned up here last night after the
movies. And he was all surprisingly sweet and loving.
Which completely fucked with my head, cause I
was telling him this ‘not relationship’ is not good enough for
me.
And he just kept grabbing my hand, and trailing
his fingers along my jaw, going, “I’m just not used to being with
anyone. I’ll get better at this - ”
“ I don’t think I can do it, Ever,
like this – ”
“ But I WANT to be here, and you come
to mine – ”
“ You do?”
“ Yes!! Of course! You’re just so
sick all the time, and you seem to kick me out every time I come
here – ”
Then he just held and kissed me all night. He
seemed to sense I was fragile, and so sick still.
Was sweet, how he just held me. “I’m not sure I
can do this, if it’s not everything I want it to be, Ever –
”
“ We will try properly then. I like
you so damn much already, woman. I’m just not very good at showing
it.”
Aw.
7.37pm
‘ Pretty in Pink’ is on!!! The movie
that stole my life story!!
Ever and I had a GOOD TIME today. I had to
leave, I was just too hot under the collar.
I went to his, after he stayed the night here,
and all he did was kiss me senseless. OH GOD, IT WAS
HEAVENLY.
I was all, “We need to talk about us,” and he
was all over me with kisses, cupping my boobs, grabbing handfuls of
hair, trailing kisses down my neck, murmuring hot things in my ear
(‘I wanna TASTE YOU’)…I mean, how is a girl supposed to nag when he
does all that??
I ended up just leaving. Was so not giving sex
to the fucker.
Oh, it was delicious!!
Sunday 2 July 2000
6.20pm
I plodded all day. Everard and I were SUPPOSED
to do something
(other than each other),
then Tom rang Ever and Ever decided he just HAD
to go go-carting, and did I want to meet them there.
No, I do not want to drive halfway down the
coast to watch Ever and Tom go on a date with each
other.
So I went for a drive along the river at
Yeronga, and read the paper by the water while stuffing my face
with a cream doughnut and drinking a can of Coke, while I stewed
over the fact I wanted to be doing romantic things (like stuffing
my face) WITH A BOYFRIEND, not by myself, LIKE ALWAYS.
Nobody wants to do romantic things BY
THEMSELVES.
It’s too much. I’m over it. Time to go watch
‘Dawson’s’. God, Dawson was so annoying last episode. Pacey is SO
HOT. Joey is too bitter for a 16 year old. But still you root for
her and her grumpy bitchy face.
Monday 3 July 2000
8.17pm
Sherrie’s been so weird lately. We normally do
lunch together each day, we have gone magazine shopping together
every week for like a year (even with me off), we went out with her
and her boyfriend for her birthday…and now suddenly she’s stopped
spending lunch breaks with Nat and I.
I went up to her today, going “Yaay!! It’s mag
day!!” and this look came over her face, kinda like regret, but
happy regret, like she wanted to be sad she couldn’t go with me,
but was secretly happy with the other plans she had
instead.
She said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Pinky. I totally
forgot!! Katie asked me to go to lunch with her, and I said I
would. (Insert bummed, fake regretful face here) Is that okay?? You
understand, right? It’s KATIE.”
She said Katie like one would say
God.
Which, to Sherrie, Katie really is her God. She
worships the ground she walks on.
And clearly has dumped me for Katie, now that
Katie is talking to her again.
(after a year and a
window.
He was grinning.
But when I’m daydreaming on the phone at
work…
(when reps are yelling or demanding things,
like can I take the earth and rotate it in the opposite
direction)
It’s always about Matt.
Oh, okay, and Benny. Benny and his damn
height.
Saturday 1 July 2000
11.12pm
Had Beth’s sister’s wedding
today/tonight.
Oh, it was beautiful. Just depressed
me.
(like weddings ALWAYS DO)
Ever turned up here last night after the
movies. And he was all surprisingly sweet and loving.
Which completely fucked with my head, cause I
was telling him this ‘not relationship’ is not good enough for
me.
And he just kept grabbing my hand, and trailing
his fingers along my jaw, going, “I’m just not used to being with
anyone. I’ll get better at this - ”
“ I don’t think I can do it, Ever,
like this – ”
“ But I WANT to be here, and you come
to mine – ”
“ You do?”
“ Yes!! Of course! You’re just so
sick all the time, and you seem to kick me out every time I come
here – ”
Then he just held and kissed me all night. He
seemed to sense I was fragile, and so sick still.
Was sweet, how he just held me. “I’m not sure I
can do this, if it’s not everything I want it to be, Ever –
”
“ We will try properly then. I like
you so damn much already, woman. I’m just not very good at showing
it.”
Aw.
7.37pm
‘ Pretty in Pink’ is on!!! The movie
that stole my life story!!
Ever and I had a GOOD TIME today. I had to
leave, I was just too hot under the collar.
I went to his, after he stayed the night here,
and all he did was kiss me senseless. OH GOD, IT WAS
HEAVENLY.
I was all, “We need to talk about us,” and he
was all over me with kisses, cupping my boobs, grabbing handfuls of
hair, trailing kisses down my neck, murmuring hot things in my ear
(‘I wanna TASTE YOU’)…I mean, how is a girl supposed to nag when he
does all that??
I ended up just leaving. Was so not giving sex
to the fucker.
Oh, it was delicious!!
Sunday 2 July 2000
6.20pm
I plodded all day. Everard and I were SUPPOSED
to do something
(other than each other),
then Tom rang Ever and Ever decided he just HAD
to go go-carting, and did I want to meet them there.
No, I do not want to drive halfway down the
coast to watch Ever and Tom go on a date with each
other.
So I went for a drive along the river at
Yeronga, and read the paper by the water while stuffing my face
with a cream doughnut and drinking a can of Coke, while I stewed
over the fact I wanted to be doing romantic things (like stuffing
my face) WITH A BOYFRIEND, not by myself, LIKE ALWAYS.
Nobody wants to do romantic things BY
THEMSELVES.
It’s too much. I’m over it. Time to go watch
‘Dawson’s’. God, Dawson was so annoying last episode. Pacey is SO
HOT. Joey is too bitter for a 16 year old. But still you root for
her and her grumpy bitchy face.
Monday 3 July 2000
8.17pm
Sherrie’s been so weird lately. We normally do
lunch together each day, we have gone magazine shopping together
every week for like a year (even with me off), we went out with her
and her boyfriend for her birthday…and now suddenly she’s stopped
spending lunch breaks with Nat and I.
I went up to her today, going “Yaay!! It’s mag
day!!” and this look came over her face, kinda like regret, but
happy regret, like she wanted to be sad she couldn’t go with me,
but was secretly happy with the other plans she had
instead.
She said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Pinky. I totally
forgot!! Katie asked me to go to lunch with her, and I said I
would. (Insert bummed, fake regretful face here) Is that okay?? You
understand, right? It’s KATIE.”
She said Katie like one would say
God.
Which, to Sherrie, Katie really is her God. She
worships the ground she walks on.
And clearly has dumped me for Katie, now that
Katie is talking to her again.
(after a year and a
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