governors and clicking chains, each puffing and turning and moving and busily doing something or other, although just what, it was impossible to say.
‘What’s all this old toot?’ asked Norman.
‘The work of another age,’ smiled the professor. ‘A distant technology.’
‘Yeah, but what do they do?’
‘They don’t
do
anything, Norman. They don’t
do,
they simply
are.
Norman shrugged and munched some more.
‘Refreshments,’ said the professor, pouring lemonade into tall green glasses. ‘And fags too. Name your favourites.’
‘You won’t have them,’ said Norman.
Professor Merlin handed out the lemonade. ‘Try me,’ he said.
‘MacGuffin’s Extra Longs.’
‘Easy,’ said Professor Merlin, producing one from thin air.
Norman took and examined it. ‘Good trick,’ he said, sulkily.
‘Edwin?’
‘I’m easy,’ I said. ‘Anything.’
‘Make it hard.’
‘All right.’ I thought for a moment. ‘I’d like to try a Byzantium.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ said the Doveston. ‘Except you can only buy them in Greece.
‘One each then.’ The professor snapped his fingers and we took the cigarettes. They were the genuine article and we hastened to light them up.
‘I’d like one of those as well,’ said Norman.
‘Well, you can’t have one. But’ — Professor Merlin reached over to a nifty little side table, crafted from an elephant’s foot, and took up a small and dainty box — ‘I’ve something else I think
you
will like.’
Norman puffed upon his cigarette.
‘Sweeties,’ said the professor, turning the box towards him. ‘This is a very special little box with very special sweeties.’
‘Give us them,’ said Norman.
Professor Merlin glittered out another grin. ‘It’s a very beautiful box, isn’t it? The tanned hide has been so perfectly prepared. The craftsmanship is exquisite.’
‘What about the sweeties?’ Norman asked.
‘You hold on to the box and help yourself and while you do, I will recount to you a tale that I hope will make your visit worth while.’
‘I’d rather have seen the dog-boy.’ Norman wrestled the lid from the box and got stuck into the sweeties.
‘I have been in the showman’s trade for many many years,’ said Professor Merlin, settling himself back into a throne-like chair all wrought from bones and buckles. ‘And I think I can say that, if it’s there to be seen, I’ve seen it. I have travelled all over this world of ours and visited many strange places. If I have heard rumours of some remarkable performer or human oddity, I have followed up these rumours. Tracked these rumours to their source. And I am proud to say that I have exhibited some of the greatest artistes of this or any age.
‘But, and it is a big but, every showman dreams that one day he will find THE BIG ONE. The most exotic, the most wonderful, the biggest greatest crowd-puller that there has ever been. Barnum found it with General Tom Thumb, but for most of us the search goes on.
‘These sweeties aren’t too bad,’ said Norman. ‘They taste almost meaty.
‘Shut up!’ said the Doveston, elbowing Norman. ‘Please continue, uncle.’
‘Thank you, Berty. As I say, we search and search, but mostly in vain. And maybe that is for the best. Maybe it is better to search than actually to find.’
‘How can that be?’ the Doveston asked. ‘If you want something, it’s better to get it than to not get it.’
‘You may be right, but I have not found this to be the case. Quite the’ reverse, in fact. You see, I found what I was looking for and I wish that I never had.’
The old showman paused, drew out his snuffbox and favoured his nostrils with Crawford’s Imperial. ‘I travelled with the carnival in India,’ he continued, ‘where I hoped to encounter a fakir who had mastered the now legendary rope trick. But I found something more wonderful than this. Something that I wanted, wanted more than I have ever wanted anything.
Something,
did I say?
‘What’s all this old toot?’ asked Norman.
‘The work of another age,’ smiled the professor. ‘A distant technology.’
‘Yeah, but what do they do?’
‘They don’t
do
anything, Norman. They don’t
do,
they simply
are.
Norman shrugged and munched some more.
‘Refreshments,’ said the professor, pouring lemonade into tall green glasses. ‘And fags too. Name your favourites.’
‘You won’t have them,’ said Norman.
Professor Merlin handed out the lemonade. ‘Try me,’ he said.
‘MacGuffin’s Extra Longs.’
‘Easy,’ said Professor Merlin, producing one from thin air.
Norman took and examined it. ‘Good trick,’ he said, sulkily.
‘Edwin?’
‘I’m easy,’ I said. ‘Anything.’
‘Make it hard.’
‘All right.’ I thought for a moment. ‘I’d like to try a Byzantium.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ said the Doveston. ‘Except you can only buy them in Greece.
‘One each then.’ The professor snapped his fingers and we took the cigarettes. They were the genuine article and we hastened to light them up.
‘I’d like one of those as well,’ said Norman.
‘Well, you can’t have one. But’ — Professor Merlin reached over to a nifty little side table, crafted from an elephant’s foot, and took up a small and dainty box — ‘I’ve something else I think
you
will like.’
Norman puffed upon his cigarette.
‘Sweeties,’ said the professor, turning the box towards him. ‘This is a very special little box with very special sweeties.’
‘Give us them,’ said Norman.
Professor Merlin glittered out another grin. ‘It’s a very beautiful box, isn’t it? The tanned hide has been so perfectly prepared. The craftsmanship is exquisite.’
‘What about the sweeties?’ Norman asked.
‘You hold on to the box and help yourself and while you do, I will recount to you a tale that I hope will make your visit worth while.’
‘I’d rather have seen the dog-boy.’ Norman wrestled the lid from the box and got stuck into the sweeties.
‘I have been in the showman’s trade for many many years,’ said Professor Merlin, settling himself back into a throne-like chair all wrought from bones and buckles. ‘And I think I can say that, if it’s there to be seen, I’ve seen it. I have travelled all over this world of ours and visited many strange places. If I have heard rumours of some remarkable performer or human oddity, I have followed up these rumours. Tracked these rumours to their source. And I am proud to say that I have exhibited some of the greatest artistes of this or any age.
‘But, and it is a big but, every showman dreams that one day he will find THE BIG ONE. The most exotic, the most wonderful, the biggest greatest crowd-puller that there has ever been. Barnum found it with General Tom Thumb, but for most of us the search goes on.
‘These sweeties aren’t too bad,’ said Norman. ‘They taste almost meaty.
‘Shut up!’ said the Doveston, elbowing Norman. ‘Please continue, uncle.’
‘Thank you, Berty. As I say, we search and search, but mostly in vain. And maybe that is for the best. Maybe it is better to search than actually to find.’
‘How can that be?’ the Doveston asked. ‘If you want something, it’s better to get it than to not get it.’
‘You may be right, but I have not found this to be the case. Quite the’ reverse, in fact. You see, I found what I was looking for and I wish that I never had.’
The old showman paused, drew out his snuffbox and favoured his nostrils with Crawford’s Imperial. ‘I travelled with the carnival in India,’ he continued, ‘where I hoped to encounter a fakir who had mastered the now legendary rope trick. But I found something more wonderful than this. Something that I wanted, wanted more than I have ever wanted anything.
Something,
did I say?
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