Swell Foop by Piers Anthony Page A

the Demon Realm?" It was best to be quite sure.
    "Yes."
    "Which Ring is it?"
    "The Ring of Fire."
    "And what does it control?"
    "All demonic creatures, including Com Pewter's kind."
    "Oh, I thought it might relate to the Region of Fire."
    "That too," he agreed.
    "But it's not necessarily in the Region of Fire. Just somewhere among the demons."
    "Yes."
    "So maybe we should get demon help to locate it."
    "Yes."
    "Do you have a particular demon in mind?"
    "Demon Professor Grossclout."
    She nodded. "I know of him. He is said to terrorize demon students. So he's in charge of the Ring?"
    "Yes."
    "Okay, let's see if we can find Grossclout quickly. For that we'll need the help of a lesser demon." She pondered half a moment. "The only one I really know is the Demoness Metria, because she's always messing into human business. Usually we just want her to go away."
    "Yes."
    "But this time I guess we need her. So I'll see if I can summon her. This time on purpose." She stopped walking, looked around, then called out, "Demoness Metria! Are you there?"
    There was a faint swirl in the air before her. "Maybe," it said.
    "We need your help."
    "Too bad," the swirl said. "Maybe you should just go ask a stork."
    Maybe the demoness had a grudge about being dismissed before. "Usually we just want to be rid of you. Aren't you pleased that we want your presence for a change?"
    "No, that's boring."
    "But we need you!" Breanna said, frustrated.
    "Maybe if you beg hard enough."
    So that was it. The demoness liked to annoy, and so she did the opposite of what was wanted. "Then I guess we'll just have to ask some other demon to help us. Maybe—" Breanna cast about for a name, but couldn't think of any, because she didn't know many demons.
    "Demon Molish," Xeth said.
    "D. Molish?" the swirl demanded, outraged. "He's no good at anything express."
    "At anything what?" Breanna asked.
    "Incontestable, absolute, certain, categorical, explicit—"
    "Positive?"
    "Whatever," the swirl said crossly. "All he does is destroy. You don't want him."
    "Demon Lete," Xeth suggested.
    "D. Lete? He's a total subtraction!"
    "A total what?" Breanna asked, beginning to appreciate what the zombie king was doing.
    "Remove, obliterate, eradicate, damage, ruin—"
    "Loss?"
    "Whatever! All he does is take things away. You don't want him."
    "Demon Flower," Xeth said.
    "D. Flower? He's a rogue! All he does is—"
    "Never mind," Breanna said. "I'm sure one of them will do. They all surely know the way."
    The swirl became a shimmering female shape. "Know the way where?"
    "To the Demon Grossclout. But that's none of your business."
    "The hades it isn't!"
    "The what?" Xeth asked.
    "Never mind!" Breanna repeated. "We don't want the likes of her annoying the good professor."
    "It's my right to annoy Grossclout!" Metria flared, light flashing from her solidifying body. "I've been doing it for centuries."
    "Then you must have lost your touch by now. He's seen it all."
    "He hasn't seen it all!" The dress on the female form shrank dangerously. "I held some in reserve."
    "Will you please go away?" Breanna demanded. "We are looking for someone else to lead us to Professor Grossclout, and we can't do it as long as you're in the way."
    "Then you're stuck, because I insist on doing it. So there."
    "But someone else could do it faster and better!"
    "The purgatory they can!"
    "The what?" Xeth asked.
    "Never mind! I'm sure another demon could have us standing there before Professor Grossclout before I could count to ten. One, two three, four—"
    There was a sudden wrenching, and smoke surrounded them. Breanna did not let it distract her from counting. "Five, six, seven—"
    The smoke cleared. "And what is the meaning of this intrusion?" a commanding voice demanded.
    Breanna stared. They were standing in a classroom before the Demon Professor himself. The young demons seated behind them tittered. Metria was nowhere to be seen.
    "Uh, we needed to find the Ring of Power, and—"
    "The what ?"
    "It's