Swell Foop by Piers Anthony Page B

a—a—" Breanna stammered, daunted by the sheer overwhelming presence of Grossclout.
    "I know what it is. Is your head filled with mush? What business do you have with it?"
    "We—we have to—"
    "In my office."
    The room changed about them, and they were standing in his office, before his massive ironwood desk. Grossclout sat behind it, his visage menacing.
    "To find it, to fetch the dandy poop—"
    "The Swell Foop! Who put you up to this inanity?"
    "Well, the Simurgh, actually, because—"
    "Out with it! What's the phenomenal emergency to justify such a pursuit?"
    "The Demon Earth is missing, and we have to save him, because—"
    "Because we need the gravity. Of course. But this is not a thing for mortals to tackle. How did you get involved?"
    "Because only another Demon could have abducted a Demon, and that means—"
    "Another Demon is suspect. Now it registers. So mortals have to do it, and the only way they can accomplish anything at all is to use the Swell Foop."
    "Yes," Breanna agreed. "So first we have to get all the Rings of Xanth, because—"
    "Because they are the only way to locate the lost Foop, let alone control it," Grossclout said impatiently. "Let us cease belaboring the obvious. Why are you disrupting my class?"
    This time Xeth answered. "Because the Ring of Fire is in your domain. You are the only one who knows where it is."
    "I have no idea where it is."
    "What?" Breanna asked, almost dumbfounded.
    "No one knows precisely where any Ring of Xanth is."
    "But then how can we—?"
    "You will have to look for it. I will give you passes to search the premises so that the juvenile demons will neither hinder nor molest you. But only you can locate it."
    "But I just came with King Xeth because—"
    "You have been designated by blind fate. Concentrate your mind and you will get a notion of its direction."
    Breanna had her doubt, but it was hard to deny Grossclout's overwhelming force of personality, so she tried. To her surprise, she did get a sense of a circular presence, as if there were a dim beacon whose light shone through walls and vegetation. "That way, maybe," she said, pointing toward a wall.
    "I shall not have my study disturbed or my classes disrupted," Grossclout intoned dangerously. "You must use existing channels, rather than breaking through walls."
    "Oh, sure," she agreed, realizing that he had a point. "I'll go around."
    "Do so."
    Breanna and Xeth exited by the study door, and found themselves back in the classroom. The class had evidently dissolved into mischief the moment the terrifying gaze of the Professor was absent. The male demons were trying to shape themselves into baskets that formed into a huge ball. The female demons were forming puffs of smoke that were drifting toward the basket cases, trying to get their attention. Breanna and Xeth walked cautiously around the edge, so as not to get caught by either a basket or a smoke ball.
    Grossclout reappeared at his classroom desk. "Are your heads filled completely with mush?" he demanded horrendously. "You ignorant louts cease playing basketball immediately; this is not a sports arena. You scheming gamines stop sending smoke signals; this is not a boudoir."
    The students quickly reverted to what appeared to be their normal state of muted terror, and the Professor resumed his lecture. "Now we come to the simplest and most basic technique of magic, that even a cranium three-quarters filled with mush should be able to grasp. Unfortunately that means a minority of you will grasp it. This is the magic of illusion, which requires the least effort for the greatest apparent result. It can actually be quite deadly when properly wielded, as when a deep pit in the ground is covered over by the illusion of a path. Mortal folk can find that quite uncomfortable. Even unwary demons can suffer if deceived. Can you provide an example, D. Ceive?" He focused his glare on a demoness who was burnishing her fingernails.
    She glanced up, crossing her legs so that her