tell…how much I love you. And you’d not care.”
Amber snuggles in deep to his side. “Never, I’d never not care. I’ve loved you for four years.”
Chapter Four
They have two weeks together and they make love every night, wake up in each other’s arms every morning. Sometimes she rolls over and just holds him, runs her hands down his beautiful body and touches and revels in the fact that she can. Anytime she wants. Other times he’s the one reveling and she’s never known someone could make love with just the use of their fingers and their mouth, but Michael does and she rides the crest he brings and crashes back to ground in his arms over and over again.
The only part of Australia she sees after the first night is the part of it confined to his bed, or her bed.
They use condoms every time after because she’s not on the pill and they proved over and over that he was crap at pulling out.
When she broaches the topic he blushes guiltily deep red, she’s never seen him blush like that before, and admits that her contractions are really tight and surprise him into coming before he can stop himself. Some days it feels like Michael can make her come just by looking at her so she certainly can’t help him with that; condoms it is.
It’s sort of disappointing after those first moments of bare intimacy but neither one of them are ready to be parents, she’s scared to try spermicide with all the allergies she has, and there’s no way to get birth control pills without her doctor’s advice so what else can they do?
The day she boards the plane to go back home comes too soon. Michael drops her off at the airport and kisses her long and deep in front of everyone, who ‘ooo’ and squeal and catcall while his hands grip her ass and pull her bodily into him.
“I don’t want to lose this,” he says. “I have less than a year and then I’m out, I’ll get a job or go back to school or something but I wanna be where you are.”
Amber melts into him. “Yes, to everything. I want that too.”
* * * *
A month later, and it’s been the longest month of her life. Something’s wrong. With her, with the world, with life.
School is a week and a half from ending, and her family life is finally starting to settle back down. They’re in counseling now, Mom has a ‘sex addiction,’ Amber rolls her eyes every time she thinks about it.
Michael still writes and Amber is prompt with returning every letter. The weird thing is the tone of them don’t really change, he still tells her everything, except now that everything revolves around the life they’re both planning for themselves. He’s going to apply to a community college in Oregon and they’ll get an apartment together. She’s not sure how she’ll get out of paying for room and board at the University but she’ll figure it out when it’s time. She’s going on a partial academic scholarship and the rest her college savings her parents put away for both herself and her brother, who ultimately decided against college and is now, crazily, touring with his rock band. Who would have thought that would have worked out? So she’s got a little more money at her disposal than she might have otherwise.
For the first time in four years everything is going right. Except for the dizzy spells she’s been having, or the cramping that feels like a period starting without any sign of her actual period, and the way her breasts hurt if she just tugs on her bra too hard.
Amber isn’t stupid. She knows something is wrong the moment Monday morning rolls around and she gets violently nauseous over breakfast.
She knows something is wrong.
She doesn’t want to admit to herself what it is.
* * * *
Amber doesn’t bother with pregnancy tests, she goes straight to the doctor instead. She’s eighteen now so he can’t tell her parents unless she gives him permission which, hell no, she won’t be doing any time soon.
He’s got her knees up in
Amber snuggles in deep to his side. “Never, I’d never not care. I’ve loved you for four years.”
Chapter Four
They have two weeks together and they make love every night, wake up in each other’s arms every morning. Sometimes she rolls over and just holds him, runs her hands down his beautiful body and touches and revels in the fact that she can. Anytime she wants. Other times he’s the one reveling and she’s never known someone could make love with just the use of their fingers and their mouth, but Michael does and she rides the crest he brings and crashes back to ground in his arms over and over again.
The only part of Australia she sees after the first night is the part of it confined to his bed, or her bed.
They use condoms every time after because she’s not on the pill and they proved over and over that he was crap at pulling out.
When she broaches the topic he blushes guiltily deep red, she’s never seen him blush like that before, and admits that her contractions are really tight and surprise him into coming before he can stop himself. Some days it feels like Michael can make her come just by looking at her so she certainly can’t help him with that; condoms it is.
It’s sort of disappointing after those first moments of bare intimacy but neither one of them are ready to be parents, she’s scared to try spermicide with all the allergies she has, and there’s no way to get birth control pills without her doctor’s advice so what else can they do?
The day she boards the plane to go back home comes too soon. Michael drops her off at the airport and kisses her long and deep in front of everyone, who ‘ooo’ and squeal and catcall while his hands grip her ass and pull her bodily into him.
“I don’t want to lose this,” he says. “I have less than a year and then I’m out, I’ll get a job or go back to school or something but I wanna be where you are.”
Amber melts into him. “Yes, to everything. I want that too.”
* * * *
A month later, and it’s been the longest month of her life. Something’s wrong. With her, with the world, with life.
School is a week and a half from ending, and her family life is finally starting to settle back down. They’re in counseling now, Mom has a ‘sex addiction,’ Amber rolls her eyes every time she thinks about it.
Michael still writes and Amber is prompt with returning every letter. The weird thing is the tone of them don’t really change, he still tells her everything, except now that everything revolves around the life they’re both planning for themselves. He’s going to apply to a community college in Oregon and they’ll get an apartment together. She’s not sure how she’ll get out of paying for room and board at the University but she’ll figure it out when it’s time. She’s going on a partial academic scholarship and the rest her college savings her parents put away for both herself and her brother, who ultimately decided against college and is now, crazily, touring with his rock band. Who would have thought that would have worked out? So she’s got a little more money at her disposal than she might have otherwise.
For the first time in four years everything is going right. Except for the dizzy spells she’s been having, or the cramping that feels like a period starting without any sign of her actual period, and the way her breasts hurt if she just tugs on her bra too hard.
Amber isn’t stupid. She knows something is wrong the moment Monday morning rolls around and she gets violently nauseous over breakfast.
She knows something is wrong.
She doesn’t want to admit to herself what it is.
* * * *
Amber doesn’t bother with pregnancy tests, she goes straight to the doctor instead. She’s eighteen now so he can’t tell her parents unless she gives him permission which, hell no, she won’t be doing any time soon.
He’s got her knees up in
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