around the shoulders and her stomachâs bare and sheâs in shorts and I havenât seen her legs till now, not really, and theyâre nice, I know that, theyâre longer than I figured, and we both have our fingers curled through the fence links and we are nose to nose just about and she says, âGet on in here.â
I go in and she says âI was worried you wasnât comingâ and I find out I donât have anything to say to that and she smiles like sheâs remembering that she told me I donât have to talk good. But I can tell sheâs misunderstood that. I talk okay in my head. I just canât let it out. She says, âI donât know this place so well. Where should we go?â
I nod my head in the direction of the end of the warehouse, on the river side, and I feel a lock of my hair fall onto my forehead and we move off and the ground is uneven, rutted and grown over with witch grass and full of stones and pipes and glass, and she brushes against me again and again, keeping close, and I think to take her hand or put my arm around her, but I donât. I want this to go slow. We walk and sheâs saying how glad she is that I come, how she likes me and how she is really on her own more or less in her life and she has learned how to know whoâs okay and who isnât and Iâm okay.
And I still donât say anything and I couldnât even if I wanted to because Iâm shaking inside pretty bad and we enter the warehouse through a door that says danger on it and inside itâs dark but you can feel the place on your face and in your lungs, how big it is and how high, even though you canât see real clear at this time of day, you just see the run of gray windows down the river side and dust hanging everywhere and thereâs that wet and rotted smell but Tina says âOh wowâ and she presses against me and I let my arm go around her waist and her arm comes around mine and I take her into the managerâs office. The lightâs still coming in clear in the room and there are some old mattresses and it doesnât smell too good but a couple of the windows are punched open and itâs mostly the river smell and the smell of dust, which ainât too bad, and I let go of Tina and cross to the window and I look at the water, just that. The river is empty at the moment and the last of the sun is scattered all over it and thereâs this scrabbling in me, like Elvis goes way deeper there than my skin and heâs just woke up and is about to push himself out the center of my chest. I want to try to say something now. Not say. Thereâs words that want to come but it feels like a song or something. I try to slow myself down so I can do this right.
Then I turn around to look at Tina and she must have gotten herself ready for this too because as soon as Iâm facing her where sheâs standing in the slant of light, she strips off her top and her breasts are naked and I fall back a little against the window. Itâs too fast. Iâm not ready, I think. But she seems to be waiting for me to do something, and then I think: she knows. Itâs time. So I drag my hand to the top button of my shirt and I undo it and then the next button and the next and I step aside a little, so the light will fall on me when Iâm naked there and she circles so she can see me and then the last button is undone and I grasp the two sides and I canât hardly breathe and then I pull open my shirt.
Tinaâs eyes fall on the tattoo of Elvis and she gives it one quick look and she says âOh coolâ and then her eyes let go of me and sheâs looking for the zipper on her shorts, and whatever Iâm thinking will happen, itâs not that. Itâs not that. The secret of me is naked before her and I know she canât ever understand what it means, and then I know why Mama is naked so easy and why the face of Elvis didnât come
I go in and she says âI was worried you wasnât comingâ and I find out I donât have anything to say to that and she smiles like sheâs remembering that she told me I donât have to talk good. But I can tell sheâs misunderstood that. I talk okay in my head. I just canât let it out. She says, âI donât know this place so well. Where should we go?â
I nod my head in the direction of the end of the warehouse, on the river side, and I feel a lock of my hair fall onto my forehead and we move off and the ground is uneven, rutted and grown over with witch grass and full of stones and pipes and glass, and she brushes against me again and again, keeping close, and I think to take her hand or put my arm around her, but I donât. I want this to go slow. We walk and sheâs saying how glad she is that I come, how she likes me and how she is really on her own more or less in her life and she has learned how to know whoâs okay and who isnât and Iâm okay.
And I still donât say anything and I couldnât even if I wanted to because Iâm shaking inside pretty bad and we enter the warehouse through a door that says danger on it and inside itâs dark but you can feel the place on your face and in your lungs, how big it is and how high, even though you canât see real clear at this time of day, you just see the run of gray windows down the river side and dust hanging everywhere and thereâs that wet and rotted smell but Tina says âOh wowâ and she presses against me and I let my arm go around her waist and her arm comes around mine and I take her into the managerâs office. The lightâs still coming in clear in the room and there are some old mattresses and it doesnât smell too good but a couple of the windows are punched open and itâs mostly the river smell and the smell of dust, which ainât too bad, and I let go of Tina and cross to the window and I look at the water, just that. The river is empty at the moment and the last of the sun is scattered all over it and thereâs this scrabbling in me, like Elvis goes way deeper there than my skin and heâs just woke up and is about to push himself out the center of my chest. I want to try to say something now. Not say. Thereâs words that want to come but it feels like a song or something. I try to slow myself down so I can do this right.
Then I turn around to look at Tina and she must have gotten herself ready for this too because as soon as Iâm facing her where sheâs standing in the slant of light, she strips off her top and her breasts are naked and I fall back a little against the window. Itâs too fast. Iâm not ready, I think. But she seems to be waiting for me to do something, and then I think: she knows. Itâs time. So I drag my hand to the top button of my shirt and I undo it and then the next button and the next and I step aside a little, so the light will fall on me when Iâm naked there and she circles so she can see me and then the last button is undone and I grasp the two sides and I canât hardly breathe and then I pull open my shirt.
Tinaâs eyes fall on the tattoo of Elvis and she gives it one quick look and she says âOh coolâ and then her eyes let go of me and sheâs looking for the zipper on her shorts, and whatever Iâm thinking will happen, itâs not that. Itâs not that. The secret of me is naked before her and I know she canât ever understand what it means, and then I know why Mama is naked so easy and why the face of Elvis didnât come
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