Tales From a Hen Weekend by Olivia Ryan

other.’
    ‘I thought you said you got drunk and threw up on the Big Dipper?’ I remind her.
    ‘Not on the Big Dipper,’ she corrects me quite crossly. ‘It was the Big Dipper that made me feel sick.’
    ‘Not the booze you had before you got on it?’
    ‘Don’t be facesh… faceshi…’
    ‘Facetious?’
    ‘Of course we had a drink ,’ she continues. ‘But we talked in the pub. About… you know. The wedding night.’
    ‘Oooh!’ exclaims Karen. ‘Get your mum another drink, Katie, while she’s talking about the wedding night!’
    ‘I think she’s had enough already.’
    ‘Don’t be mean! Come on, get another round in!’
    I don’t like the way Mum’s eyes are going funny. But what can I say? It’s a party, after all.
    ‘Do you seriously fancy anyone in here ?’ Emily reads out, as we’re getting into the next drink, and we insist on her taking a turn at her own game. ‘Well,’ she lowers her voice and takes a quick look over her shoulder, ‘I wouldn’t say no to him at the bar, with the green top.’
    We all spin round, instantly, and there’s a chorus of appreciative comments that predictably results in the guy in question turning round and grinning back at us.
    ‘ Would you’ I whisper back to her. ‘If you got the chance?’
    ‘That’s not fair, Katie! It’s not one of the questions!’ says Jude.
    ‘So? Would you?’ I persist, watching Emily as she’s still sneaking glances at the guy at the bar.
    ‘Of course not,’ she laughs quietly. ‘I might like to, though, if I wasn’t seeing Sean.’
    ‘ FORFEIT! ’ shouts Lisa. ‘You mentioned Sean!’
    ‘Oh, fuck! That was Katie’s fault.’
    ‘Get on with it!’
    ‘OK, OK.’ She dips into the bag. ‘Approach a stranger and pretend you know each other’.
    ‘Good one!’ I laugh. ‘Why not try him !’
    The guy in the green top’s still looking at us with interest. Emily pushes back her chair with determination, gets up and takes a couple of steps towards the bar. ‘Hello!’ she calls out as she approaches her target. ‘What a surprise to see you! What are you doing in Dublin?’
    He picks up his pint of Guinness and takes a long drink, watching her over the top of the glass, before putting it slowly back down on the bar and saying, ‘I live here,’ and turning his back on her.
    ‘Shit!’ she says, loudly, as she sits back down at the table, her face burning. We’re all falling about laughing, of course. ‘Shit, I don’t fancy him at all, now. Miserable git. I wouldn’t have him if he was the last man in Ireland!’
    ‘Yer man next to him is all right, though,’ says Jude thoughtfully.
    ‘Honestly!’ says Mum again. ‘You girls, you’ve all got boyfriends, partners, whatever, but to hear you talk…’
    ‘No harm in looking, Mum! Just a bit of window shopping!’ I tell her.
    ‘Just a bit of fun, Marge,’ says Joyce again, giving her another nudge and almost sending her drink flying.
    ‘It’s where it all starts, though, isn’t it,’ says Lisa, who’s beginning to sound almost as drunk as Mum. ‘Seriously. I know this is just, you know, a bit of fun – but if you’re not careful, playing around, before you know it…’
    ‘Oh, leave off, Lise! What, you think him in the green shirt is going to jump on Emily and she’s going to go out the back of the pub with him and be unfaithful to… to that person at home that she’s not allowed to mention?’
    ‘No. But it just shows. Doesn’t it.’ The drink is making her talk in short, staccato sentences. She sways a bit between each one. ‘It just shows. If you fancy other blokes. There must be something. Not quite right. Don’t you think?’
    ‘Bollocks,’ says Emily.
    ‘Yeah. Your trouble is,’ I start, and then I forget what I was going to say her trouble was, so I have to stop and have a bit more of my drink until I remember. ‘Your trouble is, your marriage is perfect. ’
    ‘Perfect,’ echoes Emily, who seems to be unable to say more