Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life by Rachel Renée Russell Page A
Authors: Rachel Renée Russell
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voice:
“MOM! Please come quick! I don’t feel so good. My stomach is really queasy and I think I’m going to…
blecchuuarggh!”
Of course, it worked like a charm!! Mom was totally convinced and said that not only did I have an upset stomach but also there was a mild rash on my ear.
She said that since I was not running a temperature, I’d probably feel better after a day of bed rest. I told her that suddenly I was feeling a lot betteralready (wink wink). Then she cleaned up my “mess,” helped with my bubble bath, and tucked me back into bed with a kiss.
I actually slept until the Tyra Banks show came on at noon. I just LOVE that girl!
However, when I went into the kitchen to grab a bite for lunch, I suddenly realized I had totally FORGOTTEN to pour the leftovers of my faux vomit down the garbage disposal.
So when I saw that my mom had left a note for me on the counter right next to the now empty pot of puke, I just KNEW she was onto me and I was in really BIG trouble. I totally panicked and my stomach started feeling queasy, but this time FOR REAL! Her note said:
Dear Nikki:
Thank you for making breakfast for us even though you were not feeling well this morning. Your oatmeal was delicious and we all had seconds. You MUST cook this for us again soon. We are so very lucky to have such a KIND and CONSIDERATE daughter!
Thanks again.
Love,
MOM
P.S. Hope you’re feeling better!
I spent the entire afternoon just lounging around, watching television, and raiding the fridge. I even ordered a pizza!
Plus, I had THREE things to be VERY happy about:
1. The Tyra Banks show ROCKED!
2. My rash completely cleared up.
3. My parents think I’m a fourteen-year-old Rachael Ray.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
I think Chloe and Zoey have totally lost their minds!
First of all, they practically freaked out when Mrs. Peach announced she was taking six of her most hardworking and committed LSAs on a five-day field trip to the New York City Public Library to participate in National Library Week.
From what I understand, it’s like a big Mardi Gras celebration for people obsessed with libraries. Mrs. Peach is already making plans, even though it’s in April, which is still a whole seven months away.
But when Mrs. Peach said there was going to be a “Meet-n-Greet” with a lot of really famous authors like Kate Brian, Scott Westerfeld, D. J. MacHale, and some guy I’ve never heard of (Zoey said he was Dr. Phil’s son and her FAVE self-help guru for teens), Chloe and Zoey actually started jumping up and down and screaming their heads off.
I was like, “Girlfriends, take a CHILL PILL, PUH-LEEZE!”
MRS. PEACH’S ANNOUNCEMENT…
I mean, I was excited, but not THAT excited. Now, if Mrs. Peach had announced she was taking us to NYC to have a “Meet-n-Greet” with like the Jonas Brothers, Kanye West, AND Justin Timberlake, I’dhave hyperventilated, fainted, and rolled around on the floor having seizures.
WHAT I WISH MRS. PEACH HAD ANNOUNCED…!
Chloe and Zoey are really nice and sweet friends. But I have to admit that sometimes they are…like…SO WEIRD!!
The whole time we were shelving books, they were talking nonstop about how we needed to do something really special to convince Mrs. Peach to select the three of us for the trip to NYC.
“Well, why don’t we just try to be the MOST hardworking and committed LSAs?” I suggested. “And we could start by maybe dusting off the books.”
It was a no-brainer to me.
But Chloe and Zoey both looked at me like I was crazy.
“ALL of the other LSAs are going to be doing boring stuff like THAT to impress her!” Chloe groaned.
“Yeah! We need to come up with a secret plan that will blow Mrs. Peach’s mind!” Zoey said excitedly.
Okay, so dusting the library books was NOT exactly a mind-blowing idea. But it definitely would have solved my little sneezing problem.
We were putting out a
“MOM! Please come quick! I don’t feel so good. My stomach is really queasy and I think I’m going to…
blecchuuarggh!”
Of course, it worked like a charm!! Mom was totally convinced and said that not only did I have an upset stomach but also there was a mild rash on my ear.
She said that since I was not running a temperature, I’d probably feel better after a day of bed rest. I told her that suddenly I was feeling a lot betteralready (wink wink). Then she cleaned up my “mess,” helped with my bubble bath, and tucked me back into bed with a kiss.
I actually slept until the Tyra Banks show came on at noon. I just LOVE that girl!
However, when I went into the kitchen to grab a bite for lunch, I suddenly realized I had totally FORGOTTEN to pour the leftovers of my faux vomit down the garbage disposal.
So when I saw that my mom had left a note for me on the counter right next to the now empty pot of puke, I just KNEW she was onto me and I was in really BIG trouble. I totally panicked and my stomach started feeling queasy, but this time FOR REAL! Her note said:
Dear Nikki:
Thank you for making breakfast for us even though you were not feeling well this morning. Your oatmeal was delicious and we all had seconds. You MUST cook this for us again soon. We are so very lucky to have such a KIND and CONSIDERATE daughter!
Thanks again.
Love,
MOM
P.S. Hope you’re feeling better!
I spent the entire afternoon just lounging around, watching television, and raiding the fridge. I even ordered a pizza!
Plus, I had THREE things to be VERY happy about:
1. The Tyra Banks show ROCKED!
2. My rash completely cleared up.
3. My parents think I’m a fourteen-year-old Rachael Ray.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
I think Chloe and Zoey have totally lost their minds!
First of all, they practically freaked out when Mrs. Peach announced she was taking six of her most hardworking and committed LSAs on a five-day field trip to the New York City Public Library to participate in National Library Week.
From what I understand, it’s like a big Mardi Gras celebration for people obsessed with libraries. Mrs. Peach is already making plans, even though it’s in April, which is still a whole seven months away.
But when Mrs. Peach said there was going to be a “Meet-n-Greet” with a lot of really famous authors like Kate Brian, Scott Westerfeld, D. J. MacHale, and some guy I’ve never heard of (Zoey said he was Dr. Phil’s son and her FAVE self-help guru for teens), Chloe and Zoey actually started jumping up and down and screaming their heads off.
I was like, “Girlfriends, take a CHILL PILL, PUH-LEEZE!”
MRS. PEACH’S ANNOUNCEMENT…
I mean, I was excited, but not THAT excited. Now, if Mrs. Peach had announced she was taking us to NYC to have a “Meet-n-Greet” with like the Jonas Brothers, Kanye West, AND Justin Timberlake, I’dhave hyperventilated, fainted, and rolled around on the floor having seizures.
WHAT I WISH MRS. PEACH HAD ANNOUNCED…!
Chloe and Zoey are really nice and sweet friends. But I have to admit that sometimes they are…like…SO WEIRD!!
The whole time we were shelving books, they were talking nonstop about how we needed to do something really special to convince Mrs. Peach to select the three of us for the trip to NYC.
“Well, why don’t we just try to be the MOST hardworking and committed LSAs?” I suggested. “And we could start by maybe dusting off the books.”
It was a no-brainer to me.
But Chloe and Zoey both looked at me like I was crazy.
“ALL of the other LSAs are going to be doing boring stuff like THAT to impress her!” Chloe groaned.
“Yeah! We need to come up with a secret plan that will blow Mrs. Peach’s mind!” Zoey said excitedly.
Okay, so dusting the library books was NOT exactly a mind-blowing idea. But it definitely would have solved my little sneezing problem.
We were putting out a
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